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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Half-Brain

    | Yosemite National Park, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist walks up to me at the front desk.)

    Tourist: “Is that Half Dome outside?”

    Me: “Half Dome is one of the many mountain features outside if you face east.”

    Tourist: “Which one is it?”

    Me: “It is the one that is exactly half of a granite dome… to the east.”

    Tourist: “How much concrete was used to make it?”

    Me: “… Seriously?”

    Tourist: *stares blankly at me*

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you, but they decided to ditch the building project once they ran out of re-bar.”

    Error: Tuition Not Found

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I’m in grad school. I work part-time at the university IT desk.)

    Me: “This is [University] service desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. I’m having a problem with my computer. Could I schedule a time to come in?”

    Me: “Sure thing. What’s your student ID number?”

    Caller: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “You can find it on the back of your student ID.”

    Caller: “I don’t have an ID.”

    Me: “If you don’t have one of those yet, you can get it from the ID office in [Building]. Do you have any documents from [University]? Almost all documents you’d get from us have your ID at the top.”

    Caller: “No. I’m not a student.”

    Me: “Are you a faculty member, or an alumnus?”

    Caller: “No. I’ve never been to [University]. I just heard you have tech support.”

    Me: “Okay… I’m afraid we only offer support to students and faculty. I have the number of a local repair shop if you need it.”

    Caller: “Will they charge me money?”

    Me: “Probably.”

    Caller: “But you offer your services for free.”

    Me: “… TO STUDENTS. This is a help desk for students of [University] ONLY. We don’t offer support to the general public.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because we’re not a computer repair shop. We’re a part of [University] and we exist solely to offer tech support to students and faculty. I’m afraid we can’t help you if you’re neither. Would you like that phone number now?”

    Caller: “I don’t understand why you won’t just let me bring in my computer! It would only take a minute.”

    Me: “We can’t service your computer because you’re not a student.”

    Caller: “That’s so mean! What’s so special about being a student?”

    Me: “Tuition?”

    This Friendship Is Fried

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I approach a table occupied by a young couple.)

    Me: “Hello. I’m [My Name] and I’ll be your waitress. Can I get you something to drink?”

    Young Man: “Hello. Um, yes.  I’ll have a [Soda Pop] and we’re ready to order, if that’s okay?”

    Me: “Certainly, what can I get for you?”

    (The young man, polite and well-spoken, places his order and I turned to the vacant eyed young lady with him. All empty smiles and mindless giggles, she inquires…)

    Young Lady: “Hee, hee, hee. What’s a kwee-sa-dil-la?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    (She points to the quesadilla plate and I calmly explain the concept to her.)

    Young Lady: “Hee hee! Oh, I don’t think I’d like that? What’s chicken ‘friend’ rice?”

    (The young man takes on a look of pained embarrassment and I try to spare him by keeping my expression neutral.)

    Me: “Its rice that’s been stir fried and had vegetables, egg, and chicken added to it.”

    Young Lady: “Tee hee. Oh, so, it has shrimp in it?”

    (Young man face palms.)

    Me: “We have a shrimp fried rice plate that has shrimp in it.”

    Young Lady: “No, no, no. I want that chicken ‘friend’ rice stuff.”

    Me: “All right. So chicken fried rice and—”

    Young Lady: “And that’s got shrimp, right?”

    (Young man drops head to table and tries to disappear.)

    Me: “Um, no, it has chicken but I can have them make shrimp fried rice instead.”

    Young Lady: “No, no. I want chicken ‘friend’ rice with shrimp, not chicken.”

    Lost And Found Rebound

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

    Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

    Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

    Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

    (I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

    Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

    (Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

    (A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

    (Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

    Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

    (Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

    Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

    A Pint-Sized Understanding

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’ll just take a pint, please.”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like a pint of?”

    Customer: “I just want a pint.”

    Me: “Yes. but what would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a pint. You work in a bar. How do you not know what a pint is?”

    Me: “Sorry. A pint is a unit of measurement; I am just asking what you would like a pint of.”

    Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! JUST GIVE ME A PINT!”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I got him a pint of water. He was not happy.)

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