Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Finally Getting With The Program

, | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center for a telephone company in their DSL technical support department. Apparently my “phone voice” is very close to the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system’s. At least once a week, I get a call like this:)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?

Caller: Are you human?

(At this point, I can usually hear some frustration in the customer’s voice, so I say something that they’re not expecting to break the ice.)

Me: “No, sir/ma’am. I am just a better programmed computer…”

Got A Bad Deal(ership)

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Woman: “I just got off the phone with the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card. You need to try running it again!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, who was your salesmen?”

Woman: “What salesmen? I don’t know! Just try running my card again!”

Me: “Ma’am, who were you working with?”

Woman: “I was taking to the two ladies at the front desk.”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to transfer you to them because I’m in a different building and am unaware of the situation.”

Woman: “I don’t want to talk to them! They were rude and I could barely understand them! Can’t you just take my order?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without knowing who your salesmen is or what your customer is, I don’t have a way of looking up your information.”

Woman: “What is wrong with you?! I don’t have a salesmen! I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I just want to order my f****** pizza or is that too hard for you?!”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Woman: “I called the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card! So you need to take my order again!”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Woman: “I don’t see why you can’t just take my d*** order over the phone. This isn’t that hard!”

Me: “…ma’am!”

Woman: “What?!”

Me: “This is a car dealership.”

Woman: “…what? Well, why the h*** didn’t you say that when you answered the phone?!”

Me: “You mean like when I said ‘thank you for calling [Dealership]’…?”

Woman: *click*

Not As Quick As Lightning

| LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at an AM radio station, and we have just suffered a lightning hit at the tower which knocked us off the air. Then the phone rings:)

Listener: “Hey, I don’t hear anything on my radio!”

Me: “Yeah, we got knocked off by lightning.”

Listener: “Well, why don’t you make an announcement?”

Not In Her Charitable Shoes

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m an assistant manager in a charity shop. As we’re a charity, we don’t do any refunds unless the item is damaged, although we do take exchanges or credit with a receipt. There is a large printed sign clearly stating our refund policy on the counter. A volunteer calls me out to deal with a customer.)

Volunteer: “This lady wants a refund for these shoes.”

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “They’re the wrong size.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m afraid we don’t do refunds unless the item is damaged. I can give you an exchange, or a store credit.”

Customer: *begins to get angry” “You didn’t tell me that I couldn’t get a refund when I bought them. That’s false advertising! All other shops do refunds!”

Me: *points to sign that is literally ON THE COUNTER* “There is a sign right here that states our refund policy; we can’t ask our volunteers to recite it to every customer. If you had asked when you bought the shoes then we would have explained the policy to you. All our profits go to charity, which is why we don’t offer refunds; most other charity shops have the exact same policy.”

Customer: “That sign is too low; it’s ridiculous to expect people to read that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is nowhere else that we could put the sign, and I feel that it’s quite clear. It’s on the counter, so everybody who buys something can see it.”

Customer: “You should put it there!” *points to a display cabinet*

Me: “Um… If we put it there, nobody would be able to see things inside the cabinet.”

Customer: *by this point she is practically shouting in my face* “That’s not my problem! Your sign isn’t clear enough! I want a refund for these shoes. They’re for my mother and they’re the wrong size.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I really can’t give you a refund because you bought shoes the wrong size. You can have an exchange or credit.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! This is RIDICULOUS, it’s false advertising, and I’m not leaving without a refund.”

(My manager and another manager who happened to be in the shop have come out to try to calm the customer down.)

Manager: “Everything she’s said is absolutely right. Our policy is stated right in front of you and as a charity shop, we don’t do refunds. It’s a very common policy.”

Customer: “I’m going to call the police! I can’t believe this! I’m calling them now!” *she takes out her phone*

(At this point, another customer steps in:)

Customer #2: “If you call the police, who do you think they’re going to have a problem with: the shop following their policy, which is stated RIGHT THERE, or you screaming in their faces?”

(The customer shouts some more about calling the police and then leaves, throwing the shoes on the counter.)

Manager: “Out of interest, how much were the shoes?”

Me: “£5…”

Lack Of Touching Sentiment

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

(I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

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