Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

The Place With The Dragon Menu

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Does anyone have any questions regarding the menu?”

Guest: “Yes. I see here that you have a dragon sushi roll on your menu. Now is that REAL dragon or imitation dragon?”

(I chuckle and smile and wait maybe three seconds before I realize that this is a legitimate question. I look at her friends who are mortified and respond.)

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, that is absolutely real dragon! In fact here at [Restaurant Group] we’ve employed an entire department to make special trips to England to hunt and slay dragons. I believe the dragon we have today was killed two days ago and picked up this morning from Savannah.”

Guest: “Well, good, because I just absolutely can’t stand imitation dragon.”

If Only You Could Listen To Yourself

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work on the drive-thru. It is in the winter and after we close. I pull my car up near the drive-thru window so I can run a cord out to the block heater while we close up. Most of the store lights are off, including the drive-thru menu and ‘open’ sign. Any cars that pull up after close hear an automated message: ‘thanks for your visit, but we are currently closed.’ As I’m cleaning, I can overhear the message on a headset that’s still on, but I ignore it; we usually get lots of customers showing up after close. About 20 minutes after, as we’re nearly finished, we suddenly hear banging and shouting at the window. The manager goes to the window and tries to tell her we’re closed, but she won’t have it, so he opens the window.)

Lady: “What the f*** is going on here?! I’ve been in line 20 minutes and there’s not even anyone in this car!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for over 30 minutes now.”

Lady: “So why is the car just sitting here?!”

Manager: “That’s an employee’s car; we’re warming it up so it’ll be warm when we go.”

Lady: “That’s fine, but what about my order? The car is in the way you know! Your dumb-a** employee shouldn’t park in the drive-thru.”

Manager: “Well, I told you. We’re closed now.”

Lady: “Well, I ordered 20 minutes ago. What happened to that?”

(We all took off our headsets as soon as we closed, but my manager asked us if we took an order anyway.)

Manager: “No one here talked to you, ma’am.”

(The lady looks at me and the other guy standing behind the manager.)

Lady: “Well, some lady took my order. She shouldn’t have done that if you’re closed”

(At this point, we all figure out what has happened.)

Manager: “Ma’am, the only lady that worked tonight left four hours ago. Did you actually listen to what they said to you?”

Lady: “Yes. Well, no, not really. She answered and I placed my order. I was on the phone at the time.”

Manager: “Well, sorry, but that was an automated message informing you that we we’re closed.”

Lady: “…well, it should be more clear when you’re not open!”

(She walked away before we could point out the three different signs she would have passed that have our hours listed.)

Do You Have Any ID-ea Who I Am?

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(A middle-aged customer approaches the counter with her male companion.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you needed?”

Customer: “Mhm.” *texting*

(I scan her items and take her card. I notice the back of the card isn’t signed.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Hmm? I don’t have it on me. It’s in my car.”

Me: “Well, I need to see ID before I can complete this transaction.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t HAVE anything.”

Me: “Then I can complete this transaction.” *hands back her card*

Customer: “Wait! I still want this stuff!”

Me: “Then maybe you can go to your car and get your ID?”

(She just stares at me for a second.)

Customer: “I don’t think I brought it.”

Me: “Okay… Do you have something that has your signature on it so I can compare it to the one on the screen?”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “I could just sign my name on my card.”

Me: “No, something like a library card that already has a signature on it. It’s required I check this for all customers’ security.”

Customer: *looks at her companion and shrugs* “I don’t know. I’m me.”

Me: “Yes, but I need to make sure that your identity matches the card.”

(She starts looking distressed.)

Customer: “Babe, tell her my name.”

Man: “Yeah, that’s not what she means.”

Me: “Here’s what I can do for you: I can go ahead and put these things on hold, put your name on it, and when you get back with your ID, you can let either me or whoever is at the cashier know you have items on hold.”

Customer: “But I thought you said you had to verify my identity!”

Me: “Yes, but I don’t need that to put things on hold. This doesn’t require a credit card.”

Customer: “You could just write my name down and use that for my ID!”

(The man actually sighs and holds his head in his hand.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but writing your name down isn’t going to cut it for ID.”

Customer: “BUT I’M ME! I don’t know what else I can do to tell you that!”

Me: “You can get your ID and show me that.”

(This continues for several minutes. She threatens to go to another cashier. There isn’t one. I explain that every cashier checks ID every single time, even for small purchases and customers we personally know.)

Me: *frustrated* “The ONLY forms of payment that don’t require an ID are cash and gift cards.”

Customer: “But I don’t HAVE any cash!”

Me: “Then you need your ID. I can’t help you until you either have cash or have your ID.”

Customer: “Oh, but this card was a gift! *holding up her credit card* Soooo, I don’t NEED an ID!”

Me: “No, THIS is a gift card.” *points to gift card display* “You have a credit card. Like I have been saying, I can’t help you until you get cash or have your ID.

Man: Let’s just go get it from the car.”

(The two of them bicker a little and finally leave. Another customer comes up, having seen the exchange.)

Other Customer: “What a ding-dong! She should just pay with a check. Everyone knows you don’t need ID for those!”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, you do…”

That Customer Is Trumped By THAT Customer

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(In passing, I have noticed a sale on NERF products in my local store. I and some friends have been planning a NERF based event so I begin to empty the aisle. This takes place at checkout.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Shouldn’t these be ‘buy one get one free’?”

Cashier: “No, sir, I believe the sale is ‘buy two get one free.’”

Me: “Hmm… I think I’ll go look again to be sure. Do you mind holding my purchase for me?”

Cashier: “Not at all, sir.”

(I walk back over and sure enough the cashier knew what she was talking about. I walk back dejected at being THAT customer and as I return to line…)

Cashier: “Sir, I can’t accept this. This is for [Unrelated Store].”

Other Customer: “Oh… well, how about this?” *hands her a different card with a movie theater chain’s logo clearly on the front*

Cashier: “No, I can’t take that either.”

(This process repeats two or three more times before the gentleman pays and leaves.)

Me: *as I walk up to the cashier again* “You know, I was just depressed about being THAT customer today. Now? I don’t feel quite so bad.”

Cashier: “At least you can tell what store you’re in.”

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