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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Rage Against The Machine, Part 2

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a regular at an internet cafe and am quite friendly with the staff. I’m at the front counter chatting with one of them, while there is a young lady working on one of the computers that’s becoming visibly more and more frustrated. Eventually she slams her fists down on the keyboard. The staff member looks up from our conversation and goes over to see what’s wrong as I listen in.)

    Staff: “I’m going to have to ask you not to do that, miss, or you’ll have to pay for any damages. Is something wrong? Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “The computer won’t respond to me! It’s not sending the email I wrote up!”

    Staff: “Okay, I might be able to help you with that. How are you sending the email?”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. The computer won’t respond to me! It won’t do what I want it to!”

    Staff: “I understand, miss, but you’ll need to explain to me exactly what you’re trying to do so I can help you.”

    (Suddenly the customer goes ballistic and starts screaming at the staff member.)

    Customer: “CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HATE COMPUTERS?! I HATE COMPUTERS! I HATE COMPUTERS! I HATE COMPUTERS!”

    (With this the customer picks up the keyboard and slams it down on the desk before pushing past the stunned staff member and running out of the internet cafe. The staff member eventually picks up and unplugs the now broken keyboard as I wander over to him.)

    Me: “Why would she be in here trying to send an email if she hates computers?”

    Staff: “I don’t know, but I’m going to go have a smoke.”

    Related:
    Rage Against The Machine

    Something Fishy Going On Here

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a sandwich shop. It is just my boss and me in the shop when a customer comes in.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi. Could I please have a medium tuna sandwich, please?”

    Me: “Tuna fish? All right.”

    Customer: “Wait, it’s tuna FISH?”

    (Thinking she thought I meant simply slabs of fish, I explained what our product was.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t mean just pieces of fish. It’s tuna salad – albacore tuna fish mixed with mayonnaise and celery.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but it’s still fish, and I hate fish. Why don’t you sub shops just have tuna? Why is it always tuna fish everywhere I go?”

    (My boss had to make the woman’s sandwich, because I couldn’t fathom what was going on.)

    That Comment Contains Many Holes

    | Huntsville, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I have gone to pick up junk food for the house, when a customer in line behind me notices the chocolate bars I’ve selected. They are a brand that leaves tiny air bubbles inside the chocolate.)

    Customer: “Oh! I just love those!”

    Me: “Heh, yeah. They’re a favorite in the household.”

    Customer: “I love them because they took all the calories out!”

    Me: “The orange ones are the best, I— Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t you know? Those holes are where the calories used to be!”

    Social Notworking

    | MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work on a call floor that supports connections and email for various small ISPs. Often the older customers don’t understand just what our support was limited to.)

    Customer: “I signed up for the WHOLE internet, and you didn’t give it to me!”

    Me: “Where is it that you’re unable to reach online?”

    Customer: “Well, I want to look at this pretty girl’s pictures, but it says I’m not signed up.”

    (It takes me quite a while to ferret out that he’s searched for pretty girls, followed a link to a popular social network, but isn’t a member.)

    Me: “Sir, signing up for social sites is your own responsibility, not the ISP’s.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! I paid for the whole thing! I want the whole thing!”

    (Although I’m not supposed to, I go ahead and walk him through the process of signing up for an account. It takes about 20 minutes, and he sighs heavily throughout the whole thing.)

    Me: “Okay! Now you’re all signed up. Go make some friends!”

    Customer: “WHAT?!? THERE’S MORE?! YOU make them be my friends!”

    How To Identify The Idiot

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at the call centre of a theater.)

    Me: “Good morning. You are calling [Theater Name].”

    Caller: “I got an email telling me that I’ve been charged for tickets that I didn’t buy! I want a refund! This is fraud! Someone did ‘identity theft’ to me!”

    Me: “All right. Let me just see in the account. Can you tell me the email address?”

    Caller: “It’s [email address].”

    Me: “Okay. I do see that a purchase matches this email address. Are you Marc?”

    Caller: “No! I want my money back. This is fraud!”

    Me: “However, this seems to be the email of a garage. Do you own a garage? Maybe one of the employees is named Marc and could have used this email address when he made the purchase?”

    Caller: “No this is fraud! I don’t have employees!”

    Me: “Okay, maybe it’s one of your friends? Do you maybe know a ‘Marc’ living in Laval?”

    Caller: “That’s the guy that stole my identity? Do you have his address? Give me his address! I’m gonna go f*** him up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that sir. Even if you don’t know the person who made the purchase, sometimes people make mistakes while entering their email address when they make a purchase online. It happens all the time. Now I can verify that you have actually been charged—”

    Caller: “This is bulls***! My identity was stolen. This is fraud! FRAUD! I’m calling the cops!”

    (He hangs up. Twenty minutes later we get another call.)

    Police: “Hi. This is [Name] from the police department. I’m here with a man that says he was victim of identity theft and fraud from your company?”

    Me: “Actually, he got an email confirmation of a purchase made under someone else’s name. He hung up before I could verify if his credit card was actually charged.”

    Police: “All right. Could you check this with him right now?”

    Me: “Sure. Can I speak with him?”

    Caller: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Like I tried to tell you before you hung up, sir, I can verify if your credit card was actually charged. Could you give me your card number, please?”

    Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!”

    Me: “…”

    Police: “I’ll take it from here. Thank you.” *click*


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