Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Wish You Could Firewall These Customers

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my computer is on fire. What should I do?”

Me: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling us? You should try to put it out!”

Customer: “It’s your fault, though! What are you going to do about my computer?”

Me: “Sir, I strongly advise you trying to put out the fire before we continue. There is nothing we can do about your computer being on fire.”

Customer: “Look here! I was following your instructions on the CD that came with the kit. It told me to install the ethernet adaptor. I opened my laptop, put the green card inside, put it back together, and now it’s on fire.”

Me: “Whoa! Wait, you said you got a green ethernet card, and you opened your laptop up and put it in there?”

Customer: “Yes! Now what are you going to do about my computer being on fire!”

Me: “Sir, the adaptor we sent you was for a desktop computer, not for a laptop. There is no way that the card supplied will work for your computer. We could have assisted you had you called in prior to you attempting to install the adaptor, when you could not find a place to plug it in. Instead you slammed it all together, and caused your own fire hazard. I strongly suggest that you call the fire department, or try to put out the fire yourself while the firefighters arrive. There is nothing that I can do to support you at this time.”

Customer: “But what is [ISP] going to do about my computer?!”

MS Word To The Wise

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Can you show me how to set up vacation email responses in Microsoft? I know there’s some way to set it up, but I can’t seem to do it myself. The guides say to go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ then ‘automatic replies,’ but there’s no such thing in my Microsoft!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look…”

User: “See, I go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ but there’s no ‘automatic replies’ in my Microsoft.”

Me: “There you go, sir. All set.”

User: “Wow! There it is! How come ‘automatic replies’ shows up for you but it didn’t show up for me?”

Me: “Because you were trying to set up email replies in Microsoft Word…”

Laptop Flop, Part 8

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “…Okay, now, shut your computer all the way down and then restart.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “I’m not on a laptop.”

(To clarify, when I said ‘shut down’ she thought I meant to close the lid of the laptop.)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5

Scrambling Up The Order

| Paris, France | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Woman: “I want an omelette: no mushrooms, no meat, no onion, no salt, no pepper, and could the eggs be scrambled?”

Waiter: “So, you want scrambled eggs with tomatoes and cheese?”

Woman: “No, I want an omelette.”

VHS No Longer Computes

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’ve got a broken computer and I need it fixed.”

(The customer proceeds to open a bag and out comes a old VHS player.)

Me: “Sir, that is not a computer. That is a VHS tape player.”

Customer: “Well, my PC is broken and I was hoping that you could fix it.”

Me: “Sir, that is not a PC. That’s a VHS tape player and there is no repair shop for VHS players around anymore, as they are deemed outdated.”

Customer: “Well, where can I find one?”

Me: “You can’t. You will have to buy a new one.”

Customer: “So, you can’t repair it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I heard great service from my friends when they came here to fix their PC.”

Me: “That is not a PC. That is a VHS player that you are holding in your hands.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

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