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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    If Only She Could Hear Herself

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am totally deaf in my left ear and partially deaf in my right. I wear a regular hearing aid in my right ear and have a cochlear implant in my left. I’m now 19, and working in a very posh restaurant. I’m serving a party of 10. There is a couple who comes in quite regularly who are the ‘hosts’ of this group. The husband is okay but the wife is really snobby and has caused us problems before.)

    Me: “Good evening. Is everyone ready to order?”

    Wife: “Could you get the manager for me? Now!”

    Me: “Of course, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Wife: “No! Just get him.”

    (I go and get my boss but have no explanation why he is needed.)

    Boss: “Good evening, madam. How may I help you tonight?”

    Wife: “How dare you let your staff wear headphones? We spend a lot of money in here and we expect a certain type of service. This is most distressing.”

    (Most of the other guests look really uncomfortable as they realise she’s talking about me and it’s obvious that I have hearing aids.)

    Boss: “Madam, I can assure you we do not allow that. If you could point out the server who is wearing them I’ll happily sort this out for you.”

    Wife: “For God’s sake! It’s the girl!” *she points to me as I’m still standing at the table* “We are in here all the time and I have never known such disregard for the customer.”

    Boss: “I’m really sorry. There’s no way you deserve to be treated this way.”

    Wife: “I should think so. I just—”

    Boss: “Not you. I was talking to my employee and friend. You—” *referring to the wife “—on the other hand are a despicable human being. How dare you come in here and talk to a member of my staff like that? It is massively, plainly obvious that she is wearing hearing aids. Everyone else at your table can see that. Now you have not only embarrassed yourself and the rest of your table but also my staff member. I’m very sorry but I have to ask you to leave, madam. The rest of your table may stay if they so wish but I simply cannot have my staff treated that way. Please leave. Now.”

    Wife: “Well! I think you’ll find you’ve just made a very big mistake talking to me like that. You have lost a lot of business from us. My husband here is a solicitor and he will—”

    Husband: “That’s enough. I’m really sorry. We’ve been served by your waitress before and know she wears hearing aids, and I’m not a solicitor.” *to his wife* “I think you need to go home. I’m hungry; I would like to order, please.”

    (The wife looks about the table as the rest of the guests sit there in silence. She then gets up and flounces out. I take everyone’s order and the rest of the evening goes very smoothly. When the guests ask for the bill the husband calls me over.)

    Husband: “I’m really sorry about my wife. Do you know, I don’t work and neither does she. I won the money on the lottery. Before we were rich I was an accountant and she worked in a shoe shop. I really have no idea why she’s like that. I promise I’ll never bring her in here again.”

    (The meal itself cost over £400 and I made a massive tip as everyone at the table felt really badly. The husband still comes in with friends but never brings his wife. He asks for me to serve him and always tips really well but I share the tips now!)

    Sadly That Is The Uniform Response

    | The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that supplies company clothes. I need something from a hardware store so I go there after work wearing my company’s clothes. The employees there are naturally wearing work clothes of this particular DIY store, of a different style and color to the work clothes I was wearing. Some customer there walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you still have [item] in store? It doesn’t seem to be on the shelves.”

    Me: “I really couldn’t tell.”

    Customer: *immediately interrupting me* “Always the same. You people are really unhelpful. Never know anything and I guess you’re not even going to check, right?”

    Me: *pointing at the logo on my shirt of a totally different company* “I don’t work here. I just happen to need something here.”

    Customer: *slowly realising my clothes in no way resemble the clothes of the store employees* “Well! How am I supposed to know that you don’t work here?!”

    Me: “Perhaps by seeing that my clothes are completely different from the employees here?”

    Customer: “It’s your fault! I can’t be bothered with such things.”

    Talking Turkey About Working Here

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

    Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

    Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

    Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

    Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

    Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

    Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

    (I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

    Must Have Just Come From The Dark Side Of The Moon

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in a store known for employees wearing uniforms of tan khakis and red polo shirts. I am shopping for just a birthday card when another customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “You! CLEARLY you are a manager here. I’m trying to find some printer paper. Can you help me?”

    Me: *looks down at my blue jeans and Pink Floyd t-shirt* “Uh, actually I don’t work here, so I can’t help you.”

    Customer: *gives me a blank stare*

    Me: “I’m just looking for a card for my mother?” *shows him the cards I’m holding in my hand*

    Customer: “Oh! That’s why you don’t have a shopping cart, because you don’t need one for something small like that!”

    Me: “…yeah. Good luck finding what you need.”

    (Don’t know why no shopping cart + rock band shirt = manager in his mind).

    I Quit From This Stupid Situation

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m shopping in the hardware store, wearing jeans and a green gaming shirt. All the employees of that store wear red shirts. When this happens, I’m pushing my cart while texting a friend about what I should buy.)

    Client: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “…yes?”

    Client: “Where are the rugs?”

    Me: “Eh… I have no clue, sorry.”

    Client: “What kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “An “employee –“” *I make a big emphasis on the word employee while making a quote mark move with my fingers* “— who’s wearing a Dungeons and Dragons shirt while texting on the job?”

    Client: “I’m gonna report you to your manager!”

    Me: “You just have to look for someone with a red shirt to report me; all the employees here are wearing them.”

    Client: “And you’re not even wearing your uniform? How did they not fire you yet? You don’t know where your products are in the store and you don’t respect your work rules! Find me your manager, NOW! I want to complain immediately!”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that I’m not working here?”

    (At this point, I go around him and start texting again while leaving the aisle. He follows me.)

    Client: “I’m not leaving you until you lead me to a manager.”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (I go to the service counter and ask for a manager.)

    Client: “You’re so gonna be fired!”

    Manager: “Hi! How may I help you?”

    Client: “How can you let someone work here dressed like that, and text on the job? I demand she be fired immediately for such bad behavior! On top of that, she refused to help me and was about to get away with it, but I followed her until she accepted to ask for a manager. ”

    Manager: “Uh… she’s obviously not an employee here.”

    Client: “You’re protecting her! I want to see the general manager! It’s not going to end up good, I promise you!”

    Manager: “I assure you, she’s a client like you! Look around. All the employees are wearing red shirts!”

    Client: “Yeah, she’s not wearing her uniform. I WANT TO SEE A HIGHER MANAGER!”

    Me: *a bit pissed off by the situation* “Hey. Let’s get this over with. I quit. I’ve had enough of this low paying job with stupid clients like you. That’s it. I’m done. I’m leaving now. I’ll come in to get my last paycheck next week. It was a pleasure working with you, but I can’t anymore.”

    Client: “Ha! I was right. You do work here! Well, worked. Thank you, sir!”

    (He leaves, leaving both the manager and I with baffled looks on our faces.)

    Manager: “Well, that’s a good way to solve a problem! It was nice being your coworker for… two minutes!”

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