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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    H2-Slow, Part 6

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A lady comes in looking for a fish.)

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Lady: “Well, I want to get a fish for my daughters birthday.”

    Me: “Any type of fish in mind?”

    Lady: *points to the betta fish* “This one is very pretty, so this one.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a tank for it?” *points to tank*

    Lady: “I don’t need a tank; I can just put him in a cup.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am. You cannot just put a fish in a cup. It needs to be in a tank.”

    Lady: “That’s silly; all it needs is water and a cup!”

    Me: “How about food? It needs more room than just a cup. Also, it needs a filter.”

    Lady: “Wait, doesn’t it eat the water?”

    (I told her all the stuff she needed for the fish. Instead she got a hamster because it was much easier to take care of. I made sure to give her guidebooks and told her to call us whenever she needed help with something.)

    Related:
    H2Slow, Part 5
    H2Slow, Part 4
    H2Slow, Part 3

    Putting The Green Into The Machine

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (The customer orders her food and starts to drive off before the total was told.)

    Employee: “The total will be $10.27.”

    Customer: *muffled, because she’s pulled forward* “Did you received my $20.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: *still muffled* “Did you get my $20?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you please pull up to the first window and we’ll take care of it?”

    (The customer pulls up to the drive thru window.)

    Customer: “I was asking if you received my $20. I put it in the machine.”

    Employee: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have a machine. We take cash at the window.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess my money is outside, then.”

    (One of the employees was sent out to get the customer’s money from the drive thru speaker.)

    Going To Get Charged With Nine Months

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in this small grocery store and we don’t get many customers until one day…)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, could you help me with my stuff.”

    (The lady has a large stomach.)

    Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

    (I help her, but she slips a bit and I see a watermelon sticking out a bit from her shirt.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to remove the watermelon from your shirt.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU DISRESPECTFUL B****?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M PREGNANT?!”

    Me: “I can see it slipping from your shirt…”

    (At this point the customer started running away, but fell over herself. The watermelon splattered everywhere and she kept screaming MY BABY! MY POOR BABY! but realized it was useless and she was caught. That really made my day.)

    Related:
    See this story as a comic!

    Bow To Their Crazy Demands

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (I am going about my business as a shop assistant at a mid-range high street retailer when a large family comes in looking for a party dress for a little girl. The dress they pick has a ribbon around the waist to give it the correct fit, tied with a bow at the back, which has to be untied to get it on the child.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have any more of these?”

    Me: “Did you need a different size or would you like to see the other colours in the range?”

    Customer: “Oh no, I want more of this one in the same size. The ribbon is not tied correctly on this one.”

    (I stared blankly in disbelief but my manager was watching.)

    Me: “I’ll run down to the stockroom and find out.”

    (I took the dress she had and re-tie the ribbon, but also brought two other dresses.)

    Customer: “Ooh, this one looks like it’s tied far better.”

    (She took one of the other dresses and UNTIED THE RIBBON to put it on her child.)

    Finally Getting With The Program

    , | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call center for a telephone company in their DSL technical support department. Apparently my “phone voice” is very close to the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system’s. At least once a week, I get a call like this:)

    Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?

    Caller: Are you human?

    (At this point, I can usually hear some frustration in the customer’s voice, so I say something that they’re not expecting to break the ice.)

    Me: “No, sir/ma’am. I am just a better programmed computer…”

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