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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Of Percents And No Sense

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Money

    (Our customer service areas double as our cashes, so it’s common to ring in one customer only to walk with the next customer to go pick out jeans or other items. One day an older woman comes to my station and looks disappointed.)

    Me: *holding her items* “Hello there, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted to find a coat for my husband but none of the styles here are right for him. He wants a fall jacket not a winter one.”

    Me: “Oh, I see. You’re right, all the jackets that we have out now are made more for winter since it’s October and everyone is looking for winter clothes. But if you’d like, before I ring these in, you can look over at [New Clothing Brand] and see if they have anything? They feature more high-end looks and I’m pretty sure there are some lighter jackets mixed in there.”

    Customer: “Hmm…”

    Me: “Most of the items of that brand are on sale for 30% off right now. I’m not sure if the jackets are on sale but if you want you can see if there’s one you like and I can see if there are any discounts on it?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you! I’ll go have a look, thank you.”

    (The customer goes over to the section I mention and looks around; a few moments later she comes back with a light jacket.)

    Me: “Oh, it looks like you found one.”

    Customer: “I did. It’s almost exactly what he wants. Thank you for mentioning it.”

    (I take the coat to scan the barcode and notice the sticker on the tag. The sticker is our way of showing clearance items which have been marked down 40%.)

    Me: “It looks like you found one of the clearance jackets, because it’s already been reduced 40%, I can’t take 30% off of it, but 40% is still better than 30%.”

    Customer: “But you said everything was 30% off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I mentioned that most things were 30% off, but your jacket is already 40% off, so it’s a better deal.”

    Customer: “Well, now, that’s not what you told me. You said it would be 30% off!”

    (The customer continues to argue this back and forth for a while, with me offering to look for one that wasn’t clearance (but more expensive), but the customer refuses and leaves the coat behind. I go on my break soon after, feeling bummed that I wasn’t able to find the woman a gift for her husband. When I come back my coworker pulls me aside.)

    Coworker: “Your lady came back.”

    Me: “The one who wanted the coat? Why?”

    Coworker: “She came and demanded that she get the discount. She said that the signs said 30% off so she was getting it discounted.”

    Me: “But it says ‘unless already reduced…’ and it was already 40% off.”

    Coworker: “I know, but she put up such a fuss that the manager gave it to her. Then she said the manager was a big baby!”

    Me: “So she got a high-end coat for 70% off?”

    Coworker: “Yup.”

    Me: “… Only six more hours to go.”

    Knowledge Of Cows Is A Bit Green

    | Madison, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A customer is looking around.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I help you look for something?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a green leather couch.”

    Me: “At this time, we have sold all of our green leather couches, but we can order one for you.”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid you know. The leather comes in green!”

    Me: “Ma’am, rawhide color of leather is a tanned beige color. It has to be dyed a specific color then it is processed and installed on a frame.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m stupid?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You’re just not gonna find a green cow anywhere!”

    Suffering From Organic Failure

    | ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a photo lab as well as sales. We often get students from the local college picking up their film and photo paper from us since we give specialty bulk deals to students and teachers. One afternoon, I am working the lab on my own when I spot a customer wandering through the paper aisle. She looks confused and slightly annoyed, so I decide to try and help, as the other salespeople are busy.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Where do you keep your organic black and white photo paper?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry, organic photo paper?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “As in… black and white darkroom photo paper that is not chemically treated?”

    (I’m confused by this, as photo paper is always chemically treated. Photos are developed in darkrooms through a chemical reaction process.)

    Customer: “Yes. I would like to find some for my Photo 101 class I’m taking this fall. Should be a hoot! I’m vegan, which is why I ask.”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Right.”

    Customer: “Also, where do you keep…” *checks list* “… darkroom developer and fixer?”

    Me: “On your right, the big brown bottles. They’ll be labeled.”

    (She walks over and finds them. When she reads the labels, she frowns.)

    Customer: “Wait… These have chemicals. I asked for organic ones!”

    Me: “You want organic photo developer and fixer?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is that so hard to understand?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you’re a bit ahead of the curve on that front. But if you can be the first to develop it, I’ll be the first in line to buy.”

    The Art Of Ordering Without Ordering

    | Olympia, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a restaurant and we have three kinds of shakes available: vanilla, strawberry and chocolate.)

    Me: “What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I would like a large chocolate shake, but without the chocolate.”

    Me: “You mean; you want a vanilla shake?”

    Customer: “Did I say I wanted a f****** vanilla shake? I said I want a CHOCOLATE SHAKE WITHOUT THE CHOCOLATE! Are you new or something?”

    Me: “No, I’ve been working here for six months. How do I make a chocolate shake without the chocolate?”

    Customer: “Ah, so, you’re f****** stupid?! You weren’t trained at all. I WANT A CHOCOLATE SHAKE WITHOUT THE CHOCOLATE, YOU UNEDUCATED LITTLE S***! My three-year-old could do your job better!”

    Me: “Okay, your total is $2.50.”

    (Customer throws the money on the table.)

    Customer: “That’s what I thought. I just have to repeat myself to you idiots.”

    (I made her a vanilla shake and handed it to her. She drank it at the table and didn’t complain at all about it.)

    Nothing To Tip Him Off

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (My coworker and I are working at a gas station while our manager is working in the back room. A customer comes up to the register.)

    Customer: “Can I get a wine (tobacco product)?”

    (Because these products come in either wood tip or plastic tip, we always ask the customer which they would like if they don’t specify.)

    Coworker: “Wood or plastic tip?”

    Customer: “Wine.”

    Coworker: “Yes. Wood or plastic?”

    Customer: “WINE.”

    Coworker: “WOOD or PLASTIC?”

    (This continues on for another minute or two until they are near shouting at each other, despite my coworker acknowledging the request for wine-flavor. My manager comes around the corner with her phone out.)

    Manager: “Sir, she’s asking you very clearly which kind of wine (tobacco product) you would like: one with a wood tip, or one with a plastic tip.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look for a moment, and then slaps his hand to his forehead in embarrassment.)

    Customer: “OH! Oh, my goodness. I’m SO sorry! Plastic tip, please!”

    (We all start laughing as my coworker shakes her head and begins checking the man out. Before he leaves, he looks at my manager, who is still standing next to me, giggling.)

    Customer: “Why did you come out with your phone out, anyways?”

    Manager: “Oh, because it was just too perfect! I had to get it on video or no one would ever believe it really happened!”

    (She had recorded the exchange, and has since showed it to some of my other coworkers who couldn’t believe that this even happened. The man still comes in and has since remembered to specify which kind of tip he would like on his product.)

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