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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Job Well Done

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’ll have the skirt steak.”

    Me: “Okay, and how would you like that cooked?”

    Customer: “Medium rare, of course! How else are steaks supposed to be cooked?”

    (The chefs at the restaurant are well trained, and the steak comes out perfectly medium rare. I bring it to the customer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! This is raw! Don’t they know how to cook a steak back there?”

    Me: Sorry, sir. I’ll send it back and refire it.”

    (I bring it back well done.)

    Customer: “Thank you! Now that is a FINE steak!”

    Completely Off His Trolley

    | Perth, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am opening the supermarket. A customer drags two locked trolleys over to me from the trolley bays.)

    Customer: “I’ve got two trolleys, but I only want one.”

    Me: “It’s okay. Just take them back to the bays, put the plug back in, and then put your coin in the first trolley, not the second one.”

    (I continue to unlock the bollards blocking the front door and as I take it inside I see the customer is still standing there.)

    Me: “I can’t help you here. You need to take it back to the trolley bays.” *gesture to where he’d gotten his trolley*

    (The customer just stands there, right in front of the door, where I needed to place the mat.)

    Me: “Sir, just take the trolleys back to the trolley return and I’ll help you in a sec. I just need to put the mat down.”

    (After several seconds, I give up waiting for him to move and guide him and his trolleys back to the bays, carrying the rolled up mat.)

    Me: “Now, just pop the plug back in, take your dollar, and put it in the first trolley.”

    Customer: “What plug?”

    Me: “The one from the next trolley. It’s on the chain in front of you… The red thing… on the chain… The one you pulled out after you put your coin in…”

    (I give up completely. Juggling the mat in one hand, I manage to take the plug, insert it back into the trolley with his coin, take his returned dollar coin out, put it in to the first trolley for him, and remove the plug. I turn back to the door and just as I’m about to roll out the mat he comes over with his trolley and stops, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.)

    The Definition Of Cold Is Too Hot To Handle

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 15 minutes before closing time, and so we have very little hot food left. We do however, continue to sell cold items for customers to take home and cook for themselves.)

    Customer: “Do you have any chicken pies still hot?”

    Me: “Sorry, mate. We’ve sold out of the chicken pies. I’ve still got some cold ones in the fridge though.”

    Customer: “Cold? Like, how cold?”

    Me: “As in refrigerated. They’re not frozen, just cold. Uncooked.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay. I’ll grab one of those thanks.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].” *I get the customer his pie*

    Customer: “Ugh! So this is really cold! Can you heat this up for me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

    Customer: “Just real quick, in the microwave?”

    Me: “Sorry. Like I said, the cold pies are uncooked. It needs to be cooked in an oven.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t want this one, then. When you said ‘cold’ I thought you meant, like, ‘sort of warm.’”

    Listen For Those Nuggets Of Information

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I take orders in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order, please?”

    Customer: “Can I have a large chicken nugget meal, please?”

    Me: “Sure, what drink?”

    Customer: “LARGE. CHICKEN. NUGGET. MEAL.”

    Me: “Yeah. What drink?”

    (The customer rolls their eyes and sighs before making some comment to the passenger about ‘kids these days.’)

    Customer: “Chicken—”

    Me: “Yes. I heard you say large chicken nugget meal the first time. I asked you what drink?”

    Customer: *laughs* “Oh. Coke!”

    Me: “Any dips?”

    Customer: “COKE!”

    Going Totally Off The Wall

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Top

    (I work for a company that builds homes and develops land. As per California law, we warranty our homes for a ten-year period after the house is bought. Our warranty covers structural defects.)

    Me: “Warranty. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, my house has a structural defect. I want you to fix it.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Could you give me your address? And what exactly is the defect in question?”

    Caller: “My address is [address].”

    Me: “Okay, I see you in our system. Could you tell me the problem, and I will see what I can do about entering a ticket for you.”

    Caller: “The walls are not strong enough. You have to send someone here to put in better walls.”

    Me: “The walls are not strong enough? Are they bowing, or cracking?”

    Caller: “No, the ones that are still standing are fine.”

    Me: “The ones that are… still standing…?”

    Caller: “Yes. I wanted to remodel to make my living room and kitchen one big room, but it was too expensive. I saw a demolition crew do wall removals on those home improvement shows, so I just got a chainsaw and cut the wall out myself.”

    Me: “Okay… so you ‘remodeled?’”

    Caller: “Yeah! But then my house caved in.”

    Me: “… Ma’am, are you saying you cut down a load-bearing wall in your home with a chainsaw?”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t know it was load-bearing. But this is clearly a structural defect! The roof caved in, and I’ve been living here for 16 years! I could sue you for endangering my life all this time!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it was not a structural defect.”

    Caller: “How can you say that?! THE ROOF CAVED IN!”

    Me: “Because you chopped down a load-bearing wall!”

    Caller: “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! I DESERVE A BRAND NEW HOUSE! IT WAS A STRUCTURAL DEFECT, AND I HAVE A WARRANTY!”

    Me: “Your house was under warranty for 10 years. Your house is 16 years old. It was structurally sound until you made it structurally unsound, by CUTTING OUT A LOAD-BEARING WALL WITH A CHAINSAW.”

    Caller: “YOU OWE ME A NEW HOUSE! YOU OWE ME A NEW HOUSE! I’LL SUE! I’LL SUE YOU!” *click*


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