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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

    | MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

    Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

    Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

    Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

    Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

    Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

    Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

    Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

    Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a hotel lounge where only exclusive hotel members have access. In the evening we serve appetizers. A man who is a vegetarian is staying and asks for vegetarian food everyday. The day I did have it, he didn’t take any so I saved him a bit for the next night.)

    Guest: “Do you have any vegetarian food tonight?”

    Me: “No, but I saved some pasta from last night for you.”

    Guest: “Beef?”

    Me: “No, no beef. It’s the one I told you about last night.”

    Guest: “The one with beef?”

    Me: “It doesn’t have beef. It’s the vegetarian pasta from last night.”

    Guest: “Oh yeah! From last night! It has… a little… little bit of beef?”

    Me: “No beef. It’s vegetarian.”

    Guest: “Not vegetarian?”

    Me: “It IS vegetarian.”

    Guest: “So, no meat?”

    Me: “…no meat, sir.”

    Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

    , | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

    Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

    Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

    Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

    Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

    (At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

    Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

    Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

    (My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

    (I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

    Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”

    Coupon And On And On

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a children’s clothing store. A customer comes in with her daughter and wants a jacket, so I process it. She then gives me a coupon printed off for 25% off. Members can get coupons in e-mails so this is normal. I scan it in to discover that number has been used already.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This coupon has been used already.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I used one at your other store.”

    Me: “Well, I apologize, but they should have taken it from you at the other store. We can only accept a coupon once.”

    Customer: “Yes, I printed it out again. It said I can use it all weekend!”

    (I had to hold back laughter because I glanced at her daughter and she just gave me this look that said ‘I’m so sorry’ as I explained that the sale was for the weekend only but it’s one coupon per customer. I never believed people would actually do that until today.)

    Bus Fuss

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work in a train station ticket office which has two main entrances: one directly from the platform and one from the street. There is no pavement outside the street entrance and the door opens straight onto the bus stop. The pavement is a good 20 feet away in any given direction.)

    Customer: *walks in through street entrance* “Hiya. Where’s the bus stop?”

    Me: “You actually walked over it. It’s just outside the doors there.”

    Customer: *heads for platform doors*

    Me: “Sir, stop! I meant the street doors. You know, the ones you entered through?”

    (The customer stops, pauses, looks at me, looks at street doors, looks at platform doors, starts again towards platform doors.)

    Me: “Sir, NOT THOSE DOORS! You need to turn around and walk back out the way you came in.”

    Customer: “The way I came in?” *turns to face the street entrance*

    Me: *encouragingly* “Yes, sir. Those doors right ahead!”

    (The customer does another 180° and starts off AGAIN for the platform.)

    Me: “Sir, please wait right there. I’ll lock up my booth and come show you.”

    Customer: “Sorry, thanks. It’s not very obvious.”

    (I quickly lock up my booth and come around to help the customer. I lead him physically by the arm outside. I only stop him when his feet are on the ‘B’ of ‘BUS STOP’ which is painted in four-foot-high letters on the floor).

    Me: “There you go, sir. Now, can you read the floor by your feet?”

    Customer: *looks* “Bus stop?”

    Me: Yep. So all you gotta do is wait here until one shows up!”

    Customer: *incredulously* “Do the buses come to here?”

    Me: “They do at that, sir.”

    Customer: *looks painfully unsure* “So this is the bus stop?”

    Me: “Yes indeed, sir. It is.” *checks timetable* “The next bus is to [Town] at 13:54, about two minutes from now.”

    (I ended up waiting at the bus stop with him until the bus came. He was a repeat visitor for about a month, during which time I learned that his car was broken and he was using trains and buses in the interim, and that in all his 32 years he’d never once used a public bus! He worked as a teaching assistant in a nearby primary school – I fear for our nation’s children!)

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