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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    To Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

    | NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work for a retail company and some of the things we sell have rebates. Customer fills out form, sends it in, 4-6 weeks later they receive a prepaid Visa card in the mail. Pretty simple, right?)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I am FURIOUS!”

    Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”

    Customer: “You sent me a Visa card in the mail! I just got it!”

    Me: “You mean a prepaid one, right?”

    Customer: “Exactly!”

    Me: “Oookay… Something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I didn’t tell you to send me this!”

    Me: “Sir, did you recently fill out a rebate form?”

    Customer: “Yeah! On a ream of paper.”

    Me: “Well, that’s what we send you- a prepaid Visa card. You can use it anywhere. Was it for the right amount?”

    Customer: “Yes.. But I didn’t give you authorization to use my personal information!”

    Me: “What do you mean?

    Customer: “In order to send me this you had to go in and get my credit card information! I didn’t give that to you! How did you get that?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s prepaid. There is money already on it,. Once you use it, it is gone. You don’t need to pay it off. It’s like a gift card. We don’t have your credit information. We don’t need your credit information. It’s perfectly safe.”

    Customer: “Yeah?! Well, I didn’t tell you to send it to me!”

    Me: “Did you fill out the form?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then you told us to send you that.”

    Customer: “Well, you should state what you’re sending me on the form!”

    Me: “We do… at the top… in big bold letters.”

    Customer:  “Yeah, but-”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

    (I guess some people have nothing better to do.)

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3

    Alarmingly Bad At Listening

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am ringing up a customer. The transaction goes smoothly until he is about to walk away with his purchases in his cart.)

    Me: “Oh, sir, you can’t take the cart out the doors. Our alarm will go off.”

    (The customer ignores me and keeps walking. Thankfully he turns around because his wife wanted to purchase another pair of shoes. Once that is done, I try again. Once again, he ignores me.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t take the cart.”

    (The customer and his wife ignore me and continue to leave, until the security alarm goes off.)

    Customer: *pokes head back through the door* “Am I good?”

    Me: “No, you can’t take the cart.”

    Customer: *smiles and nods* “Okay.” *leaves with the cart*

    Me: “Well… okay, then.”

    Hasn’t Quite Cottoned On

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Top

    (I work in a fabric store and am a lot younger than I look, so customers often patronise me. I’m used to it.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for cotton fabric.”

    Me: “Okay, any particular weave? We have plain woven, knitted jersey, japara—”

    Customer: “I don’t think you heard me. I want cotton fabric.”

    (Deciding not to argue I take her to the cheapest cotton fabric, which is just plain woven poplin, very similar to the fabric they use to make bed-sheets.)

    Customer: *in a patronising tone* “Don’t you know anything? I want c-o-t-t-o-n!”

    Me: “Yes, this is 100% cotton.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. Cotton is the fabric they make jeans out of.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean denim?”

    Customer: “No, cotton. Jeans are made of cotton.”

    Me: “Yes, jeans are made of cotton, but it is woven in a particular way to make a fabric called ‘denim.’”

    Customer: “It’s not called denim, you silly girl. Denim is a boy’s name. Cotton comes from a special animal and is used to make jeans. Or have you not gotten to that part of school yet?”

    Me: “Actually, cotton comes from a plant and has a variety of uses that are not just restricted to jeans. Now if you’ll excuse me, my shift ended two minutes ago and I need to get home and finish my university assignment, which is a literature review on the critical success factors of the implementation of enterprise resource planning information systems.”

    (I showed her the fabric she was looking for on my way out. She looked embarrassed when she saw the tag did, in fact, read ‘denim.’)

    An Idiot Born Every Minute

    | East Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (We are located in a college town, so naturally, we sell a variety of things including condoms. Normally people just ask where they are then buy them. This started out like any other time.)

    Customer: “Yo, you all sell condoms?”

    Me: “Yes, right over there.” *point to where they are*

    Customer: “What?! You only sell 3-packs? You don’t sell single condoms? See, this is why people be having babies!”

    (I stood there stunned as he kicked our door open and left.)

    Take A Swipe At Reading

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The card reader in my store is a little different, in that it asks you to select credit or debit before you swipe. It is much more intuitive than most, and the machine gives very explicit instructions, but it still trips people up. The following happens at least 10 times a day.)

    Me: “Your total is [total]. Go ahead and select credit or debit on the screen first, and then swipe.”

    Customer: “Credit.” *swipes card*

    Me: “You’ll need to hit the credit button first, and then you can swipe.”

    Customer: *swipes card*

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re using credit, you’ll need to hit the blue button on the screen. After you do that, you can swipe your card.”

    Customer: *hits button on screen*

    (Screen now reads, in large letters, PLEASE SWIPE CARD.)

    Customer: *stares blankly at screen*

    Me: “Ma’am… swipe your card now.”

    Customer: *swipes card* “Why is it asking for a PIN? This doesn’t have a PIN, it’s a credit card! Why doesn’t your machine work?!”

    Me: “It’s asking for a PIN, because you hit the green debit button instead of the blue credit button. Hit CANCEL, and we can start this again…”

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