Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Only A Hundredth Of The Intelligence

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(Our shop prints a lot of the sizes on products in cm when a lot of older customers are more familiar with inches.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with these curtain sizes, please!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “It says here the length is 228 cm, but I’m not sure what that means.”

Me: “Okay, well 228 cm is roughly—”

Customer: “Because I need a 2.28 m length curtain!”

Me: “…”

Small Minds Can’t Do Small Print

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work for a big fast food company and occasionally we have coupons for which no one bothers to read the fine print, which says to let the order taker know of the coupon prior to ordering.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get this meal?”

(Because I have worked for so long and know most of the prices I don’t always punch the orders in right away which comes in handy when the people don’t tell me about the coupon beforehand.)

Me: “Okay your total is [total]. Please drive ahead.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon!”

Me: “Sure. In the future please let me know before your order.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(Customer drives off and pulls up to my window.)

Me: “Okay your new total is [total]; may I have the coupon, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I cannot give you a discount without the coupon.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Well, my management requires me to collect the coupons.”

Customer: “But I can print them online as much as I want!”

Me: “True. However I do need to collect the coupon to give you the discount.”

Customer: “This is bull-s**t! I don’t understand why I can’t get the d*** discount!”

(I try to explain it the concept in the simplest terms I can think of.)

Me: “Think about it this way: Can you get into a concert without the ticket?”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING! I’M NOT SOME DUMB TEENAGER LIKE YOU DOING SOME S*** MINIMUM WAGE JOB!”

(Clearly natural selection has stopped since people like this are still around…)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36

| Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(My holiday job is at a small bookshop in my town. We have a gift card system connected to another major retailer of books and DVDs. One day a man attempted to buy $50 worth of books with a $50 gift card that had only $1 left on it.)

Customer: “I’d like to pay for these using this gift card.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I take the gift card and glance at the back, where it is written underneath the original $50 that he’s spent $49 using the card and has $1 left.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but you only have $1 left on your gift voucher.”

Customer: “What do you mean? It says it’s worth $50!”

Me: “Yes, but you’ve already spent $49 in a previous purchase using this card.”

Customer: “But it says $50!”

(My boss realises that I have a difficult customer and she comes over to help.)

Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, but it seems like there is only $1 on your gift card. However, we will contact the [Other Retailer]’s help desk for you and just check that it’s not a mistake.”

(I call the help desk while my boss attempts to explain the concept of using up money on a gift voucher to the man, who still doesn’t seem to understand and continues to repeat that it says $50 on the back and that someone must be trying to trick him. The help desk tells me that there is, in fact, only $1 left on his gift card.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but there is actually only $1 left on your gift voucher.”

Boss: “I’m very sorry, but there’s nothing we can do.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why would they write $50 on the back if it was going to run out?”

Me: “Because you can only spend up to $50 using this card once, just like using a real $50 note. Once you’ve spent it, it’s been spent and you can’t get it back.”

(The man paid the remaining $49 but continued to complain about the gift card for the entire purchase. To our relief he soon left, but was obviously still upset at the revelation that money was not, in fact, unlimited.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33

Not So Closed Minded, Part 8

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am the opening manager. Every morning my duties include powering on the lights, setting up the dining room, and putting our A-frame sign out on the sidewalk. Due to customers attempting to get in before we open, I always reserve these tasks for last. My boss could never understand why, until today…)

Boss: “If you just get it done first thing, you don’t have to worry about it and you can get started on preparing the fresh food!”

Me: “I’d advise against it… Can we at least leave the lights off to help discourage people from coming in?”

(My boss agrees, but it’s clear he doesn’t see why I’m so hesitant to set up the dining area. He takes all the chairs down, and goes to put the sign out on the sidewalk despite the fact that we aren’t open for another hour and a half… and a customer immediately walks in behind him. It’s about 9:30 am.)

Customer: “I want [hot meatball sandwich]!”

Boss: “Unfortunately, we aren’t open yet, sir. You came in right behind me as I was putting our sign out.”

Customer: “Then make me a [pizza]!”

Boss: “Sir, we aren’t open yet. Our ovens aren’t even on. They take time to heat up, so right now I can’t cook you anything! Even if I could, I don’t have most of the ingredients prepared. If you want a salad, I can make an exception. Those aren’t hot and they don’t take long. But I can’t cook anything.”

Customer: “What!? Why won’t you sell me a god-d*** pizza?! Your sign is out! Your lights are on! I demand you sell me a pizza!”

(My boss and the customer went back and forth a few minutes longer, and eventually the customer leaves in a huff.)

Me: “And THAT is EXACTLY why I don’t set up the dining room until just before we open!”

(I was never again scolded for doing those tasks last!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 7
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5

Vacationing At The School Of Repetition

, | UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Money

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine, how may I help you.”

Caller: “Yes, my credit card number is 574…”

Me: “Excuse me, why are you giving me your credit card number?”

Caller: “I’m paying my room bill.”

Me: “Your… room bill? We don’t take any outside bookings for our teaching rooms…”

Caller: “No, no, no, the room I was staying in.”

Me: *realisation hitting* “Oh. I think you might have the wrong number, sir. This is the School of Medicine, part of [University].”

Caller: “… you’re not the Hilton Hotel?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(He hangs up. I put the receiver down, and I’m just about to turn to my colleagues and comment on the strange call I just received when the phone goes again.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Good afternoon. My credit card number is 574…”

Me: “Um, sorry, sir, but you’ve dialled the wrong number again; you’re through to the School of Medicine.”

Caller: “What? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m sure.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(He hangs up again. I turn to my colleagues and manage to say ‘that was weird,’ when the phone goes again.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine.”

Caller: “Oh, you’re joking!”

Me: “Hello again, sir. No, you’re definitely ringing the wrong number.”

Caller: “But it can’t be. I put the number in right the first time!”

Me: “The first time? The first time you got through to me?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “And did you try putting the number in again the other times?”

Caller: “Well, of course not. That’s why I have redial on my phone!”

(At this point, I have to look up, remove the phone from my ear and breathe deeply through my nose in order not to break into convulsions of laughter.)

Me: “Sir, do you have something with the Hilton Hotel’s number on it?”

Caller: “Yes, I have their booking confirmation.”

Me: “Can you tell me the number?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s 9079 XXXX.”

Me: “I see the problem. Our number is 9097 XXXX. You need to hang up again and dial the correct number this time.”

Caller: “Oh.” *click*

(It took me nearly a minute after he hung up the final time before I managed to start telling my colleagues what had just happened.)

Related:

Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

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