Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Extreme Jumping To Conclusions

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(As an airline employee, you are eligible for staff travel. The airline I work for has the rule that you can only travel if there is a seat available at the gate. We are in Spain, and we already know that the flight is pretty full. We also know that the aircraft is a Boeing 747, and on such a short flight (a little over two hours) there is the minimum required crew on board, so there are multiple jump seats (flight attendant seats) empty. The colleagues decide to take us home on a jump seat. We are moved to different jump seats during the flight, because we are in the way in the pantry and in the aisles during the dinner and beverage service. The passengers see us walking through the aisle with our belongings several times.)

Passenger: “Hey… what is going on? Are they moving you again?”

Me: *joking* “Yeah, they have just found out they don’t have a seat for us after all, so they are now taking us to the back to give us a parachute…”

Passenger: *shocked* “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That is terrible!”

(We sit down in the back pantry and have a good laugh with the colleagues.)

Me: “Did she think I was serious? If so, she is pretty gullible!”

(After landing, we see the concerned passenger at baggage reclaim. She comes up to me, all cheerful and happy.)

Passenger: “Oh, how wonderful! You made it to Amsterdam! They let you stay on board after all!”

Going To Go Over Like A Lead Balloon

| Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I am at a sale in a store when I hear this exchange:)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2’s young son* “Aww, look, you’ve got a balloon!”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I stole it from a display.”

This Will Become Herb And Legend

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working as a bartender in a posh Upper East Side Italian restaurant that often has long waits for tables. Customers are encouraged to order drinks and appetizers from the bar. We have just begun offering Neapolitan style pizzas as an appetizer. An older, affluent couple sits down in the bar area and proceeds to order drinks and ask about our different pizza offerings.)

Customer: “Could you tell us a little more about your white pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir. It is a thin Neapolitan style pizza topped with olive oil and an herb and cheese blend.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but do we look like saggy pants wearing, hip hop rap loving, people? This is an affluent, sophisticated neighborhood. Why would you even consider serving us urban cheese. Do we look like we are on welfare?”

Customer’s Wife: *loudly* “I mean, my god, what would make you think your customers would ever pay $14 for something with urban cheese on it. I am disgusted at the thought.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry to have caused you so much concern. I believe I may have spoken too fast and caused a misunderstanding. The pizza bianca con erbe e formaggio is a pizza without tomato sauce, instead it is made with olive oil and an HERRRB and cheese blend.”

(They asked for a moment to think about it, and as I returned to the bar I noticed they very quietly got up and left the restaurant.)

Covered For The Next 20 Years

| Alexandria, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Employee: “How can I help you, sir?”

Me: “I just bought this phone yesterday and I can’t hear anyone who calls me. They sound muffled and tinny.”

Employee: “Ah, I know what your problem is.”

(I haven’t even shown him my phone yet, so I assume he’s going to give me some smart-a** presumptuous answer.)

Employee: “Did you leave the plastic cover on the screen that ships with the phone?”

Me: “Well, yeah, at least until I buy a good screen protector.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “Oh. It covers the speaker, too, doesn’t it? That’s rather embarrassing.”

Employee: “Don’t worry; you’re not the first to come in here with that problem.”

Me: “Oh, good, that makes me feel better.”

Employee: “But you are the youngest by about 20 years.”

You Can See Where This Is Going

| Toronto, ON, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A big part of my job involves helping users log on to the company website.)

Me: “Remember, the new password that you create must contain at least one letter and at least one number.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “What? One number? How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “I would suggest just choosing a word and then putting the number one at the end of it.”

Customer: “I’m never going to remember that! Can I use two numbers?”

Me: “Yes, as long as you have at least one number.”

Customer: “But, wait just a minute. I have another question. Can I use three numbers?”

Me: “…yes.”

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