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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not In His Salad Days Anymore

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

    (I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

    Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Artificial Unintelligence, Part 2

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Welcome to the support team. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Check claim status.”

    (I realise he thinks I’m a recording.)

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. Can I ask which service your claim was for?”

    Caller: “Skip questions.”

    Me: “Um… sir, I do need to know the details of your claim so I can track it?”

    Caller: “Eugh! Stupid machine… SKIP questions!”

    Me: “Um.. I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not a machine. I need to know—”

    Caller: “Main menu!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not a recording. I can help with your enquiry, but I have to ask a few questions first.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank god. A person!”

    Artificial Unintelligence

    The Collapse Of Human Decency

    , | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)

    Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”

    Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”

    (Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)

    Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”

    Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”

    Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”

    (The manager comes running into the kiosk.)

    Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”

    Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”


    Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

    (The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)

    The Price Of Not Listening

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am working in a busy photo booth on a Saturday. A lady waves me over because she is struggling to use the photo machines.)

    Customer: “Hey, help me. This machine is saying that you can’t print out my photos for me.”

    (I check the machine. The limit for our one-hour printing service is 200 prints. If customers need more than 200, they have to choose the 24 hour service. However, I decide to be helpful.)

    Me: “Okay, the reason it won’t work for the one hour service is that you’re asking for 212 prints. That isn’t usually allowed, but since there’s no other pictures for me to print, I’ll put the order through. However, it will cost a lot more to get them all printed within the hour. Are you sure you don’t want to come back tomorrow?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, I need them today.”

    Me: “That’s fine, but it will be almost twice the price—”

    Customer: “YES, that’s fine. I need them today!”

    (I process the order and she leaves. An hour later she returns for her pictures.)

    Me: “Here are your prints. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “What? No it isn’t! That’s far more than I expected! It’s double the price! Why is it so expensive?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “The prints cost more if you select the one hour service.”

    Customer: “Well, nobody told me that. You should have told me it would cost more! This is ridiculous. I’m NEVER coming here AGAIN!”

    Pizza Topping Flopping

    | Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a very small family run pizza shop, I am the only person who takes orders and I take them both on the phone and from the counter. A young woman comes in and orders three pizzas with three unusual topping combinations. As she orders I realize that we already have an identical order that has been phoned in waiting for collection under that name Smith.)

    Me: “We already have an order for what you’re asking for, to be collected for Smith. Did someone perhaps phone in the order for you to collect?”

    Customer: “Well, that’s my surname but no one has phoned the order in ahead of time. So, it can’t be for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, are you sure? Things is, it’s a very unusual order. I can’t imagine one person phoning it in and then another person coming in and ordering the same thing. The phone number they left was [home phone number]. Are you sure no one else could have phoned it in earlier?”

    Customer: “No that’s definitely not me. Don’t give me those. Make me mine fresh.”

    (The customer leaves with her fresh pizzas and no one has come to collect the order for Smith, so I phone the number left with the order to see why no one has been to collect it. An older woman answers the phone and I explain that no one has been to collect the order.)

    Customer #2: “Well, I don’t know how that can be because we are eating it right now!”

    Me: “Was it you that collected the order?”

    Customer #2: “No, it was my daughter.”

    Me: “We did have a young woman in ask for an identical order to your phone order but she assured me, when I told her the name and phone number, that it was not her collection and insisted that we make hers fresh and a separate order.”

    Customer #2: “How is that my problem?”

    Me: “Well, you see, we have now made two orders for you and you have only paid for one of them. Now we have an order here going to waste and we are out of pocket. I would just advise in future that if someone else is collecting an order maybe you should make sure they not re-order when they arrive to avoid this. It is really not a big deal. It is just policy that I phone and check on uncollected orders. I thought you should be aware of what happened.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, I see. So, you choose to phone me and interrupt my dinner to tell me that YOU’RE incompetent and are unable to perform the simple task of taking orders.”

    Me: “Sorry, I—” *customer hangs up*

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