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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not A Green Machine

    | Aurora, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (At my store our pin-pad works a bit differently if you want credit instead of debit. You slide your card and then are prompted to enter your PIN. If you want credit you hit the green button – labeled CREDIT – as the red button cancels the transaction.)

    Customer: *slides card and hits cancel* “Oh, I’m sorry I think I canceled it.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Just slide your card again and hit the green button for credit.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.” *does so*

    (I finish the transaction and hand her the receipt, then start ringing out her boyfriend who was in line behind her and watching the whole thing.)

    Customer’s Boyfriend: *slides card* “I want credit.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, just hit the green button.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: *hits the red button*

    Me: “Sorry sir, you canceled it. Slide it one more time and hit the green button for me.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: *slides again and hits the red button again* “I want to do it as credit!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, just slide your card again and press the green button.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “… But I want credit.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, the green button for credit.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “To run it as credit? I don’t want to use my PIN.”

    Me: “Yes sir, just hit the green button for credit.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “But I want to run it as credit! I don’t want to enter my PIN!”

    Me: “I understand that, sir. Just slide your card for me and then press the green button for credit.”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: *narrows eyes and hits the red button again* “I WANT TO DO IT AS CREDIT!”

    (The first customer sighs and does it for him.)

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “But I wanted credit!”

    Me: *smiles* “It ran as credit, sir. See it shows it here on your receipt. Thank you and have a nice day.”

    Next Customer: *slides card and hits the red button*

    Me: *sighs*

    Got It White The First Time

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I wait tables at a coffee shop that specializes in cafe au lait. We mix the coffee and milk before serving it to the customer. An elderly couple comes in about four times a week.)

    Customer: “Now I want my coffee a little on the light side. A LITTLE light, understand?”

    (She always says this.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I fix the coffee with just a little extra milk.)

    Customer: “I said a LITTLE light. This is all milk. Fix me another one.”

    (I fix a second cup, a little darker, and bring it to her table.)

    Customer: “Now this is way too dark. Try to get it right, would you?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I fix a third cup, medium colored.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand what’s the matter with you people. I want my coffee a LITTLE light. Bring this back. A little light, you understand?”

    Me: “You got it.”

    (With a big silly smile on my face, I bring her coffee for the fourth time.)

    Customer: “Now THIS is what I wanted! Why can’t you get it right the first time?”

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll try next time.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do that.”

    (After she had sent back her first coffee, I put the cup on the warmer. I served her that same coffee on attempt number four. The entire wait staff has been doing this for years now.)

    Some Customers Are Thicker Than Others

    , | Wichita, KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (It is my third shift at my first job. I have been mostly getting complicated/difficult orders, and I’ve had no real training; they threw me into the chaos and expected me to figure it out as I went. So far I had been managing, but only barely. An elderly customer  approaches the counter.)

    Me: *smiling brightly* “Hi there, ma’am. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a half pound of [specific cheese] sliced as thick as your slicer will go.”

    Me: “That’s half a pound of [specific cheese] on the thickest setting, right? Coming right up!”

    (I am incredibly relieved as I get the cheese she wanted and get it on the slicer. This is the easiest order I’ve had all day and I can’t see how it could possibly go wrong. I bag the cheese and hand it over the counter to her.)

    Customer: “No, this is wrong.” *hands it back*

    Me: “I’m sorry. What’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “That’s not how thick I wanted it. That’s not thick enough!”

    Me: *bewildered* “I’m sorry, ma’am. You asked for the thickest setting on the slicer, and that’s as thick as it will cut things.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! I get it cut thicker all the time! It should be one block. ONE. BLOCK.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m terribly sorry about that. I’ll fix this.”

    (I go get one of the knives and proceed to cut about half a pound off the block of cheese and bag that for her.)

    Me: “Here you are. I’m really sorry about—”

    Customer: “NO! NO! YOU HAVE TO CUT IT ON THE SLICER!” *throws the block back over the counter*

    Me: “I…I…Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but the slicer won’t—”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! Don’t you lie to me! I want my cheese cut that thick on the SLICER!”

    (I begin looking around frantically for a coworker, but my shift supervisor, who had been there only moments ago, has conveniently disappeared, and my only other coworker is dealing with a long line of customers at the hot bar.)

    Coworker: *calling across the deli to me* “[My Name], go cut it on the ‘special slicer’ in the back. I guess [Shift Supervisor] forgot to show it to you. It’s by the prep table back there.”

    (I’m confused but take the cheese back. The only thing by the prep table are the sinks, but then I see clean knives on it and realize that I just need to cut the block with a knife where the customer can’t see me doing it, so I hurriedly do so and rush back to the front.)

    Me: *handing the new block over* “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. I just started and no one told me about that slicer.”

    Customer: *snatching the cheese* “Hmph. Well, you should have known. Next time don’t be so stupid.” *storms off*

    (This coworker saved me on several other occasions when customers were being exceedingly difficult, though the ‘special slicer’ remains the most amusing to me.)

    Can’t Go Without Within

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    Caller: “Why did you send me a letter saying I have to pay my bill 31 days before it’s due?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that letter is simply stating that you have to pay the bill WITHIN 31 days of the due date.”

    Caller: “Yes! The letter says WITHIN 31 days! That means BEFORE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I deal with accounts similar to yours all day every day, and I’m telling you, you have 31 days PAST the due date to pay the bill.”

    Caller: “That’s not what this letter says! I want you to send me a letter in writing stating what you just said.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I sent you a letter stating what I just said you would receive the same letter you’re calling me about right now.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m going to send your company a letter to tell them I still haven’t received my bill for next month! I can’t afford not to have coverage!”

    Me: *finally giving up* “Would you like the address, ma’am?”

    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 4

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I am half Vietnamese and look somewhat ethnically ambiguous.)

    Customer: “Are you Japanese?”

    Me: “No, Vietnamese.”

    Customer: “Really? Are you sure?”

    (Later, another customer runs into the store, heads directly for one of our Buddha statues, and rubs its belly. She is about to dash off again when she sees me looking in her direction.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry! Every time I see a Buddha I just have to touch it. But you must understand. You have the look of the Buddha about you.”

    (A third customer comes in and asks about the meaning of some Chinese characters on a teapot. Having taken some Chinese in school, and, more relevantly, having read the product description recently, I manage to tell her the meaning of a couple.)

    Customer: “Are you Chinese?”

    Me: “No, Vietnamese, but I took a bit of Chinese in school.”

    Customer: “Really? But isn’t that shaming your family or something?”

    Related:
    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3
    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
    So Pho, So Crazy

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