Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

In Defiance Of The Alliance

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer calls me over to his table.)

Customer: “Do you use [popular American Brand] coffee?”

Me: “No, sir, we use [Local Brand].”

Customer: “But this is false advertising! You’re using [American Brand’s] logo! I only came here because I wanted [American Brand] coffee!”

Me: “Please show me where you read this.”

Customer: *still ranting, points at a logo on the menu*

Me: “That’s the Rainforest Alliance logo. It just means that our brand is part of the Rainforest Alliance.”

Customer: “Well… you shouldn’t be allowed to use the same picture.”

Stick It To The Calculation

, | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls into the store about a printing calculator he recently purchased. The calculator is AC adapter powered.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought a calculator and the numbers won’t clear off the screen.”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you reset it using the reset button on the bottom of the calculator.”

Customer: “Okay, I reset it but the numbers are still on the display. Should I unplug the power?”

Me: “Go ahead and unplug the power and try resetting it again.”

Customer: “The numbers are still on the screen, that’s not working.”

Me: “Sir, what numbers are listed on the screen?”

Customer: “One through nine.”

Me: “…Sir, is it a sticker?”

Customer: “…Oh.”

Not In Pole Position

| Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in the ‘sporting goods’ department when a customer approaches me with a fishing pole. He proceeds to hand me the pole and says:)

Customer: “This pole is broken!”

(I look at it and can find no defects, so I ask the customer what is wrong with it.)

Customer: “The eyes on the top part of the pole do not line up with the bottom half.”

(I took the pole and straightened out the top so that all of the eyes were in line and handed it back to him. Needless to say, he was extremely embarrassed…)

Wish They Would Just BOGOF

| Canton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in a retail store that almost always has some kind of sale for frames. This particular week we have a ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ deal.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *places frame on the counter* “I think this is 50% off.”

(Wanting to double-check just in case there is another deal besides the BOGO, I ask over the headset. A coworker responds saying the only deal we have is the BOGO one.)

Me: “This isn’t 50% off, but it is part of our ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ deal. If you buy two of the same frame, you’ll get one of those for free.”

Customer: “I don’t think that’s what the sign said. But I’ll just go ahead and pay for this one.”

(I finish the transaction, hand her the receipt and she walks back to the frame section. She comes back with the sign that was hanging up back there.)

Customer: “This sign says ‘Buy One, Get One Free.'”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “Why did you tell me it was ‘Buy One Get One 50% Off?'”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it was Buy One, Get One Free.”

Customer: *brought up another of the same frame* “Well, I want this one for free.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll have to treat your first frame purchase as a return, and then ring both of the frames up in a new transaction for you to get the deal.”

(As we were walking to the register, she was mumbling under her breath about how I told her the wrong deal and how ridiculous it was that she just can’t walk out with the second frame. I finished the return and the new transaction, told her to “Have a good day,” and she snatched the receipt and walked out without a word.)

A Functional Solution

| Grove, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I manage a lease-to-own business and am listening in on one of my newer employees taking a phone call.)

Employee: “Yes, sir. Let me find out for you. Please hold.”

(The employee turns to me.)

Employee: “This customer says that his number pad or something like that on the laptop he’s leasing from us isn’t working. He was a bit hard to understand. He wants to know if we can fix it. Well, he actually wants us to replace the whole keyboard and give him a loaner laptop until it’s fixed. What should I tell him?”

Me: “This is unfortunately a common request. But, we don’t generally give loaner items for computers due to personal information being put on them. But, often computer issues are a fairly easy fix. Just let him know that he can bring the laptop in, and I’ll see what we can do.”

(I go back to training another of my employees on dealing with accounts. A short time after that the customer comes in and my sales/service manager speaks with him. I eavesdrop on the following:)

Customer: “Here it is. My brother was using it and all of the sudden the mouse thing stopped working. I’d like you to just give me another one.”

Sales Manager: “Well, let’s see what we can do!”

(They start taking the laptop out of the bag and getting all of the cords out. I look at the employee I’ve been training…)

Me: “I’ve got to take part in this.” *I walk out to the front counter*

Customer: “Yeah, the pointer thing works on the login screen. But, it just disappears as soon as the main screen loads. I just don’t understand what happened.”

(The sales manager is attempting to untangle the mess of power cords the customer handed him. I reach across my sales manager and hit the F5 key and then turn to the customer.)

Me: “There. All fixed!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It wasn’t broken. Your touch pad was turned off. If you look at the F5 key, you’ll see the touchpad on/off icon. When it’s pushed, it’ll either enable or disable the touchpad.”

Customer: *squints at keyboard keys* “You’re right. I can see it now.”

Me: “Makes it much simpler! Now you won’t need us to replace anything. Heck, you won’t even need a new computer! You have a nice day!”

(I walk back into my office and sit at my desk as quietly as possible until the customer has left. The sales manager comes into the room along with my two other employees. They all look at me as I burst into laughter.)

Employee: “You fixed that faster than he could even explain what the problem was! He was even requesting we give him a new one!”

Me: “He’s probably the third customer to do that very thing in just the last few weeks!!”

(I now plan on offering a simple ‘Computer Basics’ class to all of our customers who get computers from us!)

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