Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Avoiding The Meat Of The Problem

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a customer service desk in a large supermarket.)

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “I want a refund for this frozen chicken!”

Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I put it in the oven for a whole hour and it’s still pink inside!”

Me: “Um, okay. I would suggest putting it in the oven for longer then, ma’am.”

Customer: “Are you calling me stupid?!”

Me: “No, I’m just suggesting that it is pink because it’s not cooked properly.”

Customer: “Just because I’m not a chicken cooking expert like you!”

Me: “I’ve been vegetarian for 13 years, ma’am…”

Not On Top Of Modern Technology

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches me in my department.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I help you find?”

Customer: “You advertised a set of mixing bowls on sale for $19.99. Where are they?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not sure which ones you’re talking about. Did you see them in the most recent flyer?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I start looking through our flyer, searching for the bowls in question. After a few minutes, I’m still not seeing anything, and the customer is becoming agitated.)

Customer: “They were right at the top on the website!”

Me: “Oh! So they weren’t in a flyer? Let me pull up the site. Did you search for them with any particular keywords?”

Customer: “No! I told you, they were just at the top!”

Me: “Sir, the top of what?”

Customer: “The top of the Internet! I don’t see what is so hard about this!”

(The customer didn’t see anything wrong with telling me to check the first page of “the Internet” for an item he knew no details about. I found him the mixing bowls, no thanks to him.)

Gunning For A Return

| Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

Me: “No.”

My Apple Has No Vegetables

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

Me: “Good morning, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to talk to [Assistant, who is at lunch].”

Me: “I’m sorry, he is not available at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: *gives me a very long-winded account of what I assume was an extremely long conversation she had with the assistant the day before* “So I need him to do whatever he was going to do so I can get to my stuff.”

Me: “Okay, if [Assistant] has already discussed this with you then they will know where we are in the process and they can assist you when they return from lunch in about an hour.”

Customer: “So will you ask him to send me an email so I can send him an email back explaining all this?”

Me: “Would you like our email address so you can send him an email? That way he will see it as soon as he gets back and we can get you what you need more quickly.”

Customer: “No. I know your email address, but I just can’t use it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; you cannot use our email address?”

Customer: “Yeah. It doesn’t work or I don’t have all the right buttons or something.”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean when you say you don’t have the right buttons…”

Customer: “I just got a new computer and I don’t think it has a reply button or at least I haven’t found it yet.”

Me: “The reply button should be on the screen when you are logged in to your email, not on the machine itself. What kind of email are you using?”

Customer: “Just regular email.”

Me: “I mean, are you using Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo—”

Customer: “OH. I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what is your email address? A lot of times the part after the ‘at’ is the type of email.”

Customer: “My email address is CARROT-A-B-C-A WITH A CIRCLE AROUND IT…”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you say carrot?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So your address is C-A-R-R…”

Customer: “No. Not spelled out. Just a carrot.”

Me: “Like, the vegetable?”

Customer: “Yes. There is a carrot at the beginning and at the end.”

Me: “I have never heard of a carrot in an email address. Could it possibly be a V or another symbol?”

Customer: “No. I know what the letter V looks like!”

Me: “Okay, but I cannot send you an email to an address with ‘carrots’ in it because there is no key that I can hit to make a carrot show up in the address bar.”

Customer: “So your computer doesn’t have all the buttons either, huh?”

Me: “No, ma’am, my computer does not have a carrot button.”

Customer: “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to call back and talk to [Assistant].”

Me: “That sounds good. Have a nice day.”

(Later, as I was telling this story to the assistant, I pulled up an email that we had sent to this customer and figured out what she was talking about. The email address showed up inside < > brackets, which she was referring to as carrots.)

Time Zoned Way Out

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Time

 

(I am on the phone.)

Me: “I sent the instructions to you in an email about half an hour ago; have you received it?”

Customer: “No, but I am in the next time zone, so I will check in another half an hour, at the time you sent it.”

Me: “If you would please check your junk mail or spam folder, just to be sure?”

Customer: “Oh, hey! Look at that! It’s already here!”

Me: “Computers are amazing, aren’t they?”

Customer: “Wow! They sure are! How did it know?! Oh, well, I have it now. I’m gonna open it before it realizes that it sent it early and deletes it.”

Me: “Sounds great.”

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