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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Wii-U Are Not Listening

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m browsing video games in a large national department store where all employees are required to wear red. This particular store, I’ve noticed, is pretty relaxed about what form the red shirt or top can take, as well as the shade of red. Coincidentally, I’m wearing a red t-shirt with a local hockey team’s name across it. A mother and her ten-year-old boy approach me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, is the Nintendo Wii still on sale?”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t work here.”

    Mother: “Can you call someone back here who would know? He wants the Wii really badly.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “Well, there’s a customer service button over in movies. That should bring someone over. And I think he wants the Wii-U, the new system they came out with.”

    Mother: “You want me to walk over into another department and ring a bell?! What the h*** kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “I’m an employee of [National Insurance Company]. I’m not a clerk at this store.”

    Mother: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! You’re a punk kid!”

    Me: “I’m 26.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Mother: *grabbing kid’s hand* “You know what? We’ll go to [Well-known Toy Store Chain] and pay full price for the god d*** Wii, because I’m sick of this crap!”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: *laughing* “Is that all he says?”

    Mother: “HOW DARE YOU!”

    (Eventually she was escorted from the store and the manager, after watching the entire exchange on the security tapes, let me use my ‘employee’ discount on the game I wanted. I got it for… Wii-U!)

    Having A Boo Hoo About Your Hoo Hoo’s

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (My school happens to have a similar uniform code as the store I’m walking into. Due to the fact today is hot I take off my shirt, revealing a tight and slightly revealing tank top which matches the uniform the store employees wear. I’ve also been blessed with looking older than I actually am, along with having bigger breasts and curves even though I’m younger than I look. I’m with a group of friends until I wander off to look for school materials — the reason we’re all here anyway — until this lady comes over.)

    Lady: “Your uniform attire is inappropriate.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “Exposing those poor young girls into thinking they have to follow the motto ‘sex sells.’ I demand to see your manager.”

    Me: “But I don’t work here.”

    Lady: “Then why are you wearing the same colors as he is?”

    (A passing employee walks down the aisles.)

    Me: “I go to [High School]. We have the same colors except our shirts are black. I just chose to wear a red tank top today.”

    Lady: “I don’t want to hear your lies. I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “But I don’t work here!”

    (The lady storms off and I don’t think anything of it until she comes with the manager.)

    Lady: “Her uniform is unacceptable! This is a family place and she’s showing her hoo hoos off with that string tank top! These girls do not need to be influenced by your employees’ need for sexual attention!”

    (Needless to say I was ‘fired’ from somewhere I didn’t work and could pick up my check by the end of the week!)

    Morons In Disguise

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (I work for a large cable TV company’s call center. I get a call and my customer mentions having problems with the image looking pixelated. This company gives customers a cable box to get their channels; this is the troubleshooting target.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be sending a signal to the box and it’ll reboot. It is possible that you see some blue screens while it does that. This completely normal.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (This cable boxes usually take 2 to 7 minutes to reboot. 12 minutes after…)

    Customer: “Okay, the screen went black now. Looks like it’ll restart again.”

    Me: “That won’t happen; the box is looking fine from my end. Can you please turn it on and check on the channels you had issues with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It looks very weird…”

    Me: “Does the channel look weird?”

    Customer: “No, the box! It has some strange symbols on it.”

    Me: “Can you describe those to me?”

    Customer: “They look like alien symbols, Transformers, like! You know? Their way of writing stuff?”

    (At this point of the evening, on a Saturday, after this long call and three energy drinks, I take a look outside the window to check I’m still on planet Earth.)

    Me: “That’s very strange. The box is only supposed to show the time. Can you check all cables in the back of the box are not loose?”

    Customer: “They’re tight! What’s going on?! What did you do?! I need my TV! Fix this NOW!”

    Me: “Can you turn on the box, from the button panel in the front of it, please? It’s the last button to the right.”

    Customer: “I pressed the button and nothing happened. The first symbol just changed and looks like a ‘G,’ but weird looking. You have to get this fixed!”

    (Another eight minutes go by trying and trying to get the box to turn on, assuming the display screen is damaged.)


    Me: “I’m really sorry about this, is the first time I’ve seen someth—” *brief pause*

    Customer: “HELLO!?”

    Me: “Can you please press the first button to the left?”

    Customer: “It worked! It’s on! The TV’s back! What the h*** happened?!”

    Me: “Your box was upside down.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: *click*

    (I think Megatron abducted her…)

    Thank You For Your Non Custom

    | OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just gotten off work and run to a nearby store to pick up a few things. At work, we wear vests and leave them there after our shifts, so I’m wearing ‘normal’ clothing; a black shirt, jeans, and flats. In no way do I look like I’m working, or like I work for the store I’m shopping in.)

    Other Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find something?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here and this is my first time shopping here. I just saw an employee stocking in the next aisle, though. He may be able to help.”

    Other Customer: “But you work at [My Store]! I saw you earlier!”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Other Customer: “So why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “Because I’m not at work? This isn’t my store. I can’t be of assistance.”

    Other Customer: “You provide terrible customer service! I’m reporting you!”

    (She did indeed report me to my manager. He couldn’t stop laughing and just said that he doesn’t understand why all of the weird things only happen to me. Indeed, when the lady came through my line a few days later, she demanded that I accept a return of the items she bought at the other store where I “wouldn’t help her.” I don’t think she understands how stores work.)

    Go Easy On The Brain

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

    Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

    Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

    Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

    Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

    (Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

    Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

    Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

    Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

    Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.’”

    (The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

    Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

    Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

    (The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Leaving.”

    Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

    Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”

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