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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Taxing Faxing, Part 5

    | Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Can you make a copy of my fax papers?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Okay, now fax them.”

    (I go over to the fax machine and send them; I come back with the papers.)

    Customer: “I thought you were going to fax my papers?”

    Me: “I just did.”

    Customer: “Then why are the papers in your hands still?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “When you fax something, it sends the papers to them instantly doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, because it scans them and sends it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it sent the papers instantly to the number.”

    Me: “Phone lines can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well I guess I didn’t need the copies then. Do I still have to pay for them if I give them back to you to get rid of?”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Wishy-Washy Analogies

    | Kentucky, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work for a place that sells towing systems.)

    Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if my car needs to be there when they install the mounting brackets for the tow-bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Since the mounting brackets are installed on your car, you car will need to be there”

    Caller: “Why? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Well, sir, the mounting brackets are permanently attached to your vehicle. In order to attach them to your vehicle, we will need your vehicle to be there.”

    Caller: “I’m not sure if I follow.”

    Me: “Well, sir, say you come to my house so I can wash your car, but you ride your bicycle. Well since your car isn’t there, that means I can’t wash it.”

    Caller: “Oh, I get it now…I think.”

    Me: “Great, is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Caller: “So, you all have to wash my car to do it. That’s why it has to be there!”

    It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

    Customer: “Well, I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

    Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

    Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

    Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

    (I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

    Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

    Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

    Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Extra Stupid

    (The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

    Me: “…and what is your home address?”

    Customer: “Why do you need that?”

    Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

    Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

    Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

    Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

    Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

    Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

    Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else

    | LaCrosse, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

    Caller: “You people sent me a broken phone! I just got this phone from you people Friday and have charged it all f****** weekend and when I take it off the charger, it just dies! I want my money back and you better give me a new phone!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, it would be my pleasure to assist you in trying to troubleshoot–”

    Caller: “I don’t want no damn troubleshooting! I want a new phone! Now!”

    Me: “I’ll be more than happy to get you a new phone but I first need some numbers from inside your phone to process the request. Can you please remove the back of the phone and remove the battery for me?”

    Caller: “D*** straight you’ll get me a new phone!” *noise of fiddling with the battery cover* “You people try to rip good folk off and squeeze every dime you leeching-” *pause* “Oh. My. God.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you never placed the battery into the phone when you opened the box, did you?”

    Caller: “Is that what the little black square thing is? Oh shucks, I’ll take care of it now. Bye!”

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