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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Pressing Issue

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

    Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

    (In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

    Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

    Customer: “Ok, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

    Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1’”.”

    Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1’. What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

    Acting Flippantly

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [wireless phone company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You guys sent me a phone but it has no buttons, this is unbelievable! What kind of monkeys do you have working there that you don’t notice your phones have no buttons?”

    (I pull up the information and immediately see the problem.)

    Me: “You said the phone has no buttons correct?”

    Customer: “Well, it has a couple but not the buttons with numbers!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, Do you see that large crack down the middle of the phone?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Pull on either side it will flip open.”

    Customer: “Oh, there they are. It does have buttons. How’d you do that?”

    Assault And Battery

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up too while you’re at it, because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

    (The next day, I call the customer.)

    Me: “Hello sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we wont be able to retrieve your data.”

    Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

    Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

    Customer: “Very good sir.”

    (4 minutes later, he calls back.)

    Customer: “Just a quick thing, if my wife comes in, and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

    Sketchy Ballots

    | Bloomfield Township, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I am an election inspector for the 2010 Primary Election.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t there a Tea Party choice on the ballot? I don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican!”

    Me: “Ma’am, only the Democratic and Republican parties are having a primary.  You can’t vote for the Tea Party. You can choose not to vote the partisan section of the ballot, if you wish.”

    Customer: “Well, how about if I just draw a big teapot on the ballot?”

    When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

    | Elkridge, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology, Top

    Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a cable.”

    Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables, what kind of cable do you need?”

    Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

    Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables, if you could tell me what kind of thing you were trying to hook up?”

    Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me!? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

    Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

    Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

    (The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

    Customer: This is what I wanted! A cable!”

    Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

    Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

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