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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Non Sequitur

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    Me: “Go down this aisle and turn left. It’ll be right there.

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Down this aisle, to the left.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Let me show you.”

    (I walk her over to about five feet from the escalator and point at it.)

    Me: “It’s right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    (I move to stand almost on it.)

    Me: “Right here.”

    Customer: “This is the escalator?”

    Me: “Yes”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! You are so pretty.”

    Faster Than You Can Think

    | Lacey, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a very large retailer in the sporting goods dept. The day of my four-year mark last September, I get this call.)

    Me: “Sporting goods, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to check to see if you have this particular scooter in stock.”

    Me: “What kind of scooter?”

    Customer: “It’s a Razor. I think it’s a blue one. Your website says it’s $197. I want to see if you have it.”

    Me: “Let me check. Hold on.

    (I place customer on hold and go check our stock.)

    Me: “Yeah, we have two. One has a speed of 10 MPH and that one is like an old foot powered scooter with an electric motor. We also have a European styled-scooter with a speed of 15 MPH.”

    Customer: “Mmmm, okay, does the 15 MPH scooter go faster than the 10MPH scooter?”

    Me: “Um, yeah. That kinda tends to happen.”

    Customer: “So that’s faster, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, it is faster.”

    Customer: “Ok, yeah. Thanks!”

    Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

    (The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*

    Fried Brain Fried Cakes

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in the kosher deli section of a supermarket.)

    Customer: “I need ten potato pancakes, please.”

    (There are only four potato pancakes in the display case. I check the cooler, but there are no more in there.)

    Me: “Please excuse me, ma’am, but we only have four potato pancakes right now. I’m going to call my manager to see if we have any more in the back.”

    (I call my manager. Unfortunately, the four potato pancakes in my case are the only ones in the store. We are all out. I relay this fact to the customer.)

    Customer: “Could you please make some more? We have company coming over later and I need at least ten potato pancakes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t make the potato pancakes here. We buy them pre-made from another company and we don’t have any more in stock right now.”

    Customer: “But can’t you just go in the back and make some more?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. As I said, we don’t make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company.”

    Customer: “I understand that, but can’t you just make more?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. We buy them pre-made. We don’t make them here.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I get that, but why won’t you just make more?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company. I don’t have a kitchen in the back because there is no in-back for this section, and even if there was, I don’t have the ingredients.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know, but why won’t you make more of them?”

    (At this point, the customer’s husband walks up.)

    Husband: “What’s going on?”

    Customer: “He’ll only sell me those four pancakes in the case. He won’t make any more!”

    Husband: “Why won’t you make any more?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry, but as I explained to your wife, we do not make the potato pancakes here in the store. We buy them pre-made from another company. We’re actually not allowed to cook any hot food in this section, as it would be a health code violation.”

    Customer: “I know that, but why won’t you make more?”

    (The customer’s husband looks at her like she’s crazy.)

    Husband: “Honey, they buy the potato pancakes already made from somewhere else. They don’t cook them here.”

    Customer: “I know that! Why won’t they make more?!”

    Husband: “Honey, shut up.” *turns to me* “I’m very sorry. Can we just have the four potato pancakes in the display?”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir.”

    Unnatural Selection

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A woman is purchasing a long fish called a dojo loach.)

    Customer: “Now, will I need to fill the tank halfway and add some sand for it to crawl onto?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s a fish.”

    Customer: *stares in confused silence*

    Me: “Fish don’t need to crawl onto land to breathe.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “It will be fine in a full aquarium.”

    Customer: “You’d better be right!” *leaves looking dissatisfied*

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