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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

    Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

    Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

    Student: *blank look*

    Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

    Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

    Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

    Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

    Me: “To eat?”

    Student: “That’s disgusting!”

    Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

    Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

    Inter-Screwed

    | London, UK | Extra Stupid

    (It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

    Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

    (I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

    Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

    (I consult my notes.)

    Me: “Mr. Becker?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

    Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

    Caller: “Do you have a stylist who specializes in blonde hair?”

    Me: “We have several expert colorists, yes. Would you like to make an appointment?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair.”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    Power To The People

    | Westchester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a company that provides both phone support and on-site support for residential customers.)

    Caller: “Hello, I seem to be having an issue with my internet. It’s not working.”

    Me: “Well I’m sure we can fix that. First thing’s first–can we reboot the computer?”

    Caller: “I don’t know how to do that.”

    Me: “Well, by reboot, I mean restart. I believe you have a [brand] computer. That should be running [operating system], correct?”

    Caller: “It’s a something [brand]?”

    Me: “Just click on the start button in the lower left hand corner of the screen. Then select ‘Turn off computer’.”

    Caller: “I can’t find the start button.”

    Me: “Well it might just be hidden. How about we just turn the power off on the laptop.”

    Caller: “I don’t know how to do that.”

    Me: “Just press the power button on the computer. Hold it down, and the computer will turn off.”

    Caller: “I don’t know what the power button is.”

    Me: “How do you normally turn the computer on or off?”

    Caller: “I never have.”

    Me: (I check the records to reveal she’s had the computer for 6 months.) “Well, can you possibly find the power button on the computer? It could be on the side. It should be glowing green. It has the power symbol on it.”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It looks like this problem will require a tech to be sent out.”

    Did A Number On This One

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am calling a customer.)

    Me: “May I speak to [customer's name] please?”

    Woman: “He’s not here.”

    Me: “This is [name], with [phone company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”

    Woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”

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