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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Numerical Nincompoops

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Top

    Me: “Good morning! You’re through to [name]. Can I take your plan number, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a plan number. What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s on your statement and begins with the number ’14′, then a dash.”

    Customer: “I’m looking at my statement and there isn’t one.”

    Me: “It’s about half way down on the right hand side and begins with ’14′ dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. I can see where it says plan type, but that’s it.”

    Me: “Okay, it says the plan type on the left. The plan number is just to the right of it, starting with ’14′ and a dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. There is no number beginning with ’14′. Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “No, I’m not calling you a liar, but if it is a statement you are looking at, then I promise it’s on the right side, half way down. It starts with ’14′.”

    Customer: “There bloody well isn’t! The only number on here starts ’1′, ’4′, and a dash. Can’t you take that?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take that instead!”

    Nowhere To Go But Up

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (I work at the main information desk in a bookstore that has four levels. When a customer asks for a book, we are supposed to direct them to the appropriate floor.)

    Me: “Okay, we should have that title. It’ll be on the fourth floor.”

    Customer: *looking confused* “What?”

    Me: “The fourth floor. There’s another information desk up there if you need help finding the section.”

    Customer: “So, how many floors should I go up?”

    Me: “Um, three.”

    Customer: “Okay. So it’s the fourth floor I’m looking for?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s the highest floor we have, so just take the escalator up as far as you can.”

    Customer: “What’s an escalator?!”

    Stop And Stair, Part 4

    | New York, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes up to me. They ask for directions, which I begin to provide.)

    Me: “Take the elevators at the south end. There should be signs along the way. You’ll pass [store name] and [store name].”

    Customer: “Take what?”

    Me: “Elevator…they’re also known as lifts.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Um, how do you normally get to higher floors?”

    Customer: “I walk up the stairs or stand on moving stairs.”

    Me: “Do you ever go inside a box and press numbers?”

    Customer: “What is that?” *looks bewildered*

    Me: “Maybe I should take you to the elevators.”

    Customer: “Okay?”

    (I take her to the elevators. They are glass.)

    Customer: “So, I get inside and press the floor number?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (At this moment, another elevator goes down at a normal speed with people inside.)

    Customer: *frightened* “No! This is a drop tower! I want the stairs.”

    Me: “Um, it’s not fast. It’s safe.”

    Customer: “No! Stairs please!”

    Related:
    Stop And Stair, Part 3
    Stop And Stair, Part 2
    Stop And Stair

    Non Sequitur, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

    Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

    (The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

    Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

    Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

    Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

    Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

    Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

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