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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Directions, Compliance Not Included

    | Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

    Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

    (I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

    Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

    Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

    Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

    Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

    Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

    Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

    Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

    Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

    Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

    Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

    Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

    Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

    (That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m making a marshmallow latte at the pick-up end of the counter. The customer watches me as I make the drink.)

    Customer: “Is this my mocha?”

    Me: “It’s your drink, but it’s not a mocha. A mocha is a latte with chocolate. This is a latte with caramel and marshmallow. I can add chocolate if you’d like.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want chocolate. I just want my mocha!”

    Me: “I can’t give you a mocha without chocolate. I think you mean latte. This is a latte.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a latte! I want a mocha! You understand?”

    Me: “Would you like me to make you a mocha instead of this, then?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t want a latte, and I don’t want chocolate. I just want espresso with steamed milk, caramel, and marshmallow. Just like I ordered!”

    (By this point, the drink has been done for a while, exactly as described.)

    Me: *staring at drink for a second* “Here’s your mocha.”

    Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    A State Of Mindlessness, Part 3

    | Montana, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer with a thick Southern-US accent comes in, starts looking at me and frowns.)

    Customer: “Hey, you.”

    Me: “Hello, madam. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you understand me?”

    Me: “Why, yes, I do.”

    Customer: *sighs* “But my friend told me all you stupid hicks up here speak Spanish!”

    Me: “Well, that’s a bit odd. We aren’t located anywhere near Mexico, Spain or anywhere in Europe.”

    Customer: “Liar! Just so you know, I went to college and I know d*** well where this state is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You b****! You ‘re a stupid hick who thinks she knows everything! I know d*** well where this state is!”

    Me: “I’m quite certain Montana is located in the northwest corner of the USA.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Make me teach the brainless rednecks! It’s not in the northwest, you dumb f***! It’s in the south, by the country Idaho!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (The customer rolls her eyes and storms out of the store.)

    Related:
    A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2
    A State Of Mindlessness

    Water You, Stupid, Part 2

    | Feasterville, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a floral associate at a grocery store. It’s a very hot day and I am outside watering the outdoor plants we have on sale.)

    Customer: *storms up to me* “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “Excuse me?” *still watering*

    Customer: “Are you f***ing stupid or something?”

    Me: “No, why would you say that?”

    Customer: “You’re watering those things. Only a f***ing idiot would do that!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these plants need water. It’s very hot out today and we can’t let them die.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m right. You are a f***ing idiot. Everyone knows plants make their own water!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (The customer then storms off to her car and nearly hits another car in her rush to leave.)

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid

    You’re Dumb Enough Without Alcohol

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Extra Stupid

    (We have a daily special where everything in the bar is $4. There are huge signs everywhere advertising this. I have this conversation at least twice a week.)

    Customer: “How much is a vodka lime?”

    Me: “$4. Everything is $4.”

    Customer: “Really? So, how much is a tequila shot?”

    Me: “$4. Everything is $4.”

    Customer: “Even Jäger?”

    Me: “If it’s alcohol, then it’s $4.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll have a gin.” ”

    *pause*

    Customer: “Is that $4 too?”

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