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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

    | Melbourne, Australia | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

    Me: “Of course, its just over here.”

    Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, did you want cream?”

    Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

    (At this point I look at the customers shopping list, its a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter’.)

    Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that right?”

    Customer: “Oh really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

    Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

    Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”

    An Open And Shut Case

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I just got your wireless internet thingy, but I’m not sure I like it.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Oh, nothing’s wrong with it. It’s much faster than my old internet; but do I always have to open my windows? I hate opening up the windows.”

    Me: “What computer do you have?”

    Caller: “I have a Mac.”

    Me: “Then how do you–”

    Caller: “Oh! No. Not that computer windows thing! I don’t have that! I mean my actual windows around my house!”

    Me: “You’re… opening up you’re windows around your house?”

    Caller: “Yes! And it’s really chilly today!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I hate to interrupt, but why is this relevant to your internet problem?”

    Caller: “Well, it’s wireless! It comes through the air, right? How else am I going to get it if the windows are closed?”

    Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

    Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

    Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

    Student: *blank look*

    Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

    Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

    Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

    Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

    Me: “To eat?”

    Student: “That’s disgusting!”

    Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

    Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

    Inter-Screwed

    | London, UK | Extra Stupid

    (It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

    Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

    (I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

    Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

    (I consult my notes.)

    Me: “Mr. Becker?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

    Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

    Caller: “Do you have a stylist who specializes in blonde hair?”

    Me: “We have several expert colorists, yes. Would you like to make an appointment?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair.”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little


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