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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 5

    | Central Florida, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (The kitchen supply store where I work is going out of business. All over the store are bright yellow and black signs stating this, along with, “All Sales Final, No Returns,” and “Cash and Credit Cards Only, No Checks Accepted”.)  

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

    (The customer opens her purse and pulls out a checkbook.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We are not able to accept checks at this time.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because the store is going out of business.”

    Customer: “So, why is that my problem?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not your problem. However, we are not able to accept checks any longer.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see where it says that!”

    (I point at the sign behind me.)

    Me: “Here…”

    (I point at another sign on the front counter.)

    Me: “…here…”

    (I point at a third sign directly below her open checkbook.)

    Me: “…and here.”

    Customer: “I read at home! Why should I be forced to read when I shop?!”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 4
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I used to work at this drugstore store before I left to have my child; note that the bathrooms have a lock on them to avoid theft. This take place almost two years after I’ve gone. I’ve stopped in to have lunch with a former coworker, and have my daughter in a stroller when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “You! I need to be let into the bathroom.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay…”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?!”

    Me: “I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen you here before!”

    Me: “Well, I used to work here, but that was almost two years ago.”

    Customer: “So, are you going to let me in?”

    Me: “I can’t. I don’t know the code.”

    Customer: “But you work here!”

    Me: “Sir, no I don’t. I haven’t worked here in almost two years. They change the codes every six months.”

    Customer: “You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work!”

    Me: “Why would I be at work with my kid?”

    Customer: “Don’t play games with me. Just open the d*** door!”

    (At this point, an assistant manager who I know walks over.)

    Assistant Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! This lazy b**** won’t do her d*** job and open the bathroom up!”

    Assistant Manager: “She doesn’t work here, and you need to watch how you speak to people.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Assistant Manager: “Now I have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can. The bathroom is for paying customers only.”

    Customer: “Then I’ll buy something!”

    Assistant Manager: “That ship has sailed. I suggest you go next door to the fast food restaurant.”

    Customer: “I’LL SUE YOU!”

    Me: “For what exactly? Badgering another customer because you have some delusion that we are keeping the bathroom all to ourselves?”

    Customer:“You can’t talk to me like that! I DEMAND she be fired!”

    Assistant Manager: “You want me to fire someone who doesn’t work here?”

    Customer: “WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU DO YOUR JOBS?!” *runs out of the store, screaming about the bathroom*

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 9

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name and location]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what time you closed? I need to bring in my computer monitor and exchange it for a new one.”

    Me: “We close at nine. If you don’t mind my asking, why do you need to exchange yours, ma’am? I may be able to help and save you the trip.”

    Customer: “Well, I saw that you all sold those wireless monitors and was going to get one but they’re so expensive. So I just decided to make mine a wireless one instead. But I guess I must have done it wrong because now it won’t work.”

    Me: “You… tried to make your monitor into a wireless one? How?”

    Customer: “Oh, I just cut the cord that was dangling out of it. Like I said, I must have cut it wrong though. So I need a new one.”

    Me: “I… see. Well, um, ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but, well, I can’t just give you a new monitor because you destroyed your old one.”

    Customer: “Really? Well. We’ll just see about that, won’t we? I’m going to come in and speak to your manager. Then we’ll see who does what for whom!”

    (She came in with her self-destroyed monitor, and no, she didn’t get a new one!)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

    A Pal-Tree Understanding Of Plants

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer walks up with a dead, five foot tall maple sapling at the garden center where I work. It has been cut with a handsaw and has obviously been dead for a least three or four months.)

    Customer: “I want a refund! You sold me this tree last summer, but in November the leaves all turned yellow, dried out, and fell off. I want a refund!”

    Me: “So, in autumn your tree lost its leaves?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Sir, broad leaf trees in Canada like this do lose their leaves in the fall and then grow back in the spring. Your tree was just dormant for the winter.”

    Customer: “But after the leaves all fell off, I put it in the garage! Now it’s spring, and the leaves aren’t growing back, so it must be defective. I want a refund NOW!”

    Me: “When you put your tree into your garage in the fall, how did you get it in there?”

    Customer: “I cut it!”

    Me: “So, you cut it down and now you want a refund because it’s dead?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to the owner!”

    (I call the owner, who is a hard-nosed woman in her sixties.)

    Owner: “What seems to be the problem sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, this tree you sold me last year is dead. I want a refund.”

    Owner: “Was it alive before you put a saw to it?”

    Customer: “Well, it was, and then in November all of the leaves turned yellow and fell off, so I cut it and put it in my garage. Now I want a refund!”

    Owner: “Get out of here!”

    This Is Lazy, But Here’s The Number, So Help Yourself Maybe

    | Maine, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m with my parents at a large chain hardware store. I’ve wandered off to the garden section and am minding my own business while looking at some potted plants.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! How much are the potted plants out front?”

    Employee: “I’ll help you out in just one second, okay? I have to unload this pallet right away, but I’ll be right with you.”

    Customer: “You’re useless!” *comes up to me* “Excuse me! how much are the potted plants?”

    Me: *looks around* “…Me? Oh, I don’t work here. I do believe that man told you he’d be right with you, though.”

    Customer: “You work here, I know you do. Don’t lie! You just want to be lazy.”

    Me: “No… I don’t work here. Sorry.”

    Customer: “You just want to be lazy!” *stomps over to the registers* “Excuse me, but your employees are being lazy and won’t tell me how much the potted plants are.”

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, I heard my coworker tell you he’d be right with you, and that girl doesn’t work here.”

    Customer: “Sure, she doesn’t! She just wants to be lazy. HOW MUCH ARE THE D*** PLANTS?!”

    Employee #2: “Well, which ones?”

    Customer: “THE POTTED PLANTS!”

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, we have many potted plants here—”

    Customer: “THE D*** ONES UP FRONT!”

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, there’s a rather large neon yellow sign in front of the rack they’re on. The price is on there.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone say so?!”

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