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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Alohomorons

    | Newport, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (I’m working in the library when a patron of about 11 or 12 years of age walks up. We have the following exchange.)

    Young Patron: “Where do you have the Harry Potter books?”

    Me: “They’re right back here…”

    (I show her to the section where we keep them. She stares at them for a while.)

    Young Patron: “Can I have the Prisoner of Azkaban?”

    (I take it out and place it on a table. She opens it up and leafs through it.)

    Young Patron: “Oh my God! There are so many words! Can I have the one with less pages?!”

    Combo Incognito

    , | Texas, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (At this restaurant, they take your name when you order, and call it out when your food is ready to be picked up. I’m waiting with other customers for orders.)

    Cashier: “Jessica!”

    (No one comes forward.)

    Cashier: “Jessica? Is there a Jessica?”

    (Again, no one comes forward. Three more orders come out, and in between each, the cashier calls for “Jessica” again. Meanwhile, a customer who ordered before me has been standing right at the counter and is getting impatient.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but these people who just got their orders got here after me. Do you have my order?

    Cashier: “What’s your name?”

    Customer: “Susan.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have any orders for Susan. What did you order?”

    Customer: “I got the #3 combo with a coke.”

    Cashier: “That’s what the order for Jessica has.”

    Customer: “Oh! I gave the name Jessica, but that’s not my name. I don’t like giving my real name.”

    Cashier: “You gave the name Jessica, but didn’t claim the order for Jessica?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not my name!” *takes her bag and leaves*

    Related:
    Indecisively Incognito

    I Hope You’re Pool-ing My Leg

    | Somerset, England, UK | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good afternoon, [business name]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’ve been looking at your seven-foot pool tables on your website, and I have a few questions.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. What would you like to know?”

    Caller: “So, seven feet…is that the height?”

    Your Brain Runneth Over

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I work on the Rideau Canal, a lock system first built just after the war of 1812. In addition to operating the locks, we sell passes and talk about the history and operation of the system. One particularly busy day, a tourist approaches me as we are filling the lock chamber.)

    Tourist: “So, where does all this water come from?”

    Me: “It flows down from Upper Rideau Lake, hence the name of the system.”

    Tourist: “So, it fills all the locks?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Tourist: “But what about when you run out?”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Tourist: “Well, look at all that water! That has to be a thousand gallons in this basin alone. You could use up to a million in a day. That’s just wasteful, and the lake will eventually run out!”

    (At this point, 23 boats are waiting to go through, and I don’t have time to explain the water cycle, so I just say the first thing I thought up.)

    Me: “Actually, sir, we have giant buckets at both ends to catch all the water and put it back into the lake every night.”

    Tourist: “Oh, I see! That’s very good of you guys to think of the environment!” *wanders off happily*

    This Sale Has No Future

    | Bensalem, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Time

    (Note: It is a Sunday afternoon.)

    Customer: “How much is a bag of mussels?”

    Me: “They’re $2.99.”

    Customer: “Are they on sale?”

    Me: “Yes, they are.”

    Customer: “How long are they going to be on sale?”

    Me: “They’re on sale until Saturday.”

    Customer: “So, do you mean next Saturday, or yesterday?”

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