• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not The PIN-nacle Of Intelligence

    | Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Money

    (I have finished scanning the customer’s items at the register.)

    Me: “Your total come to [price].”

    (The customer pulls out a card to pay.)

    Me: “What kind of card is it?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    (I hit the debit key on my register. She proceeds to swipe it on her side, and I turn to finish bagging her groceries.)

    Customer: “This thing isn’t working!”

    (I turn back to see her holding the machine’s electronic pen, looking frustrated.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; did it not read your card? These things get temperamental sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, it read the card. But it’s not doing anything!”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, what does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It just says to enter my PIN.”

    Me: “Well then, just enter your PIN, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I did that twice, and it didn’t take it! It’s not working!”

    (The customer proceeds to demonstrate, by WRITING her PIN on the screen with the pen.)

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You use the buttons to type it in. The screen can’t read hand writing.”

    They Are In The Lower Percentile

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m a sales associate at a popular clothing store. I’m in the middle of an eight-hour shift on Black Friday, when a customer calls on the phone. The customer speaks in a very confused tone the entire time.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [store]! This is [name] speaking; what’s on your wish list?”

    Customer: “Hi. So you guys are having a sale, right?”

    Me: “Yep! Everything is 40% off today!”

    Customer: “Okay. So is that 40% off our entire purchase, or 40% off each individual item or our purchase?”

    (Thinking I must have heard her incorrectly, I just repeat myself)

    Me: “Right, everything in the store is 40% off today.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, whoever rang me up today clearly did it wrong. They rang my entire purchase as 40% off, instead of each item separately as 40% off.”

    Me: “Well, that adds up to the same thing.”

    Customer: “Wait, really?”

    Me: “Yes. 40% off the entire purchase is the same thing as 40% each thing in the purchase.”

    Customer: “Oh… thanks.”

    (The customer hangs up. My coworker is staring at me.)

    Coworker: “Please tell me that did not just happen.”

    Self-Service And Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

    | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    (I am buying lunch at a local supermarket. I approach the self-service machine, which is clearly labelled ‘CASH ONLY’. An employee quickly comes up to me.)

    Employee: “Sir, are you aware this is a cash only self-service machine?”

    Me: “Yes, thank you.”

    Employee: “And you’re paying in cash?”

    Me: “Yes, of course!”

    (I am insulted that the employee would see me as such an idiot. But then remembering all of the stories I’ve read and heard, I calmly breathe and look at her.)

    Me: “Sorry, I work in retail, too. I know that the general intelligence of the average customer is why those questions are necessary. Don’t worry; I’m one of the good guys.”

    (I smile at the employee and she smiles back with a sad look of self pity for industry in which we work.)

    Me: “We’ll escape it one day.”

    (I am walking away and realise I forgot to buy something. I head back just in time to here a customer screaming.)


    (I smile that same sad smile back at the woman, knowing it is going to be a long day for her. Good luck to all of the workers out there, and keep smiling.)

    Don’t Throw Apples In A Room Full Of Windows

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a Cyber Cafe, where the workers are allowed to use their laptops when they are on break. I am notorious around the store to both the customers and my coworkers, because I prefer to use a Mac rather than another type of computer. One customer comes in holding her Mac laptop and a USB.)

    Customer: “Hey, you’re good with Macs, right?”

    Me: “I like to think so, why?”

    Customer: “I just recently got a Mac, and I’m transferring data over with a USB drive. This one doesn’t appear to be working.”

    Me: “How so?”

    Customer: “I plugged in this USB into the laptop, but it doesn’t recognize it.”

    Me: “That seems odd; let me try another USB.”

    (I try a spare USB lying around the workplace.)

    Me: “This one works fine; let me see your USB for a moment.”

    (The customer hands me her USB.)

    Customer: “It’s probably the stupid laptop. Now I see why everyone hates Macs. It’s a stupid brand of computer, for stupid people.”

    (The customer glares at me. I ignore it and flip over the USB, reading the bottom.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “This isn’t a USB.”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “It’s a Bluetooth transceiver.”

    (The customer freezes, snatches the transceiver, and runs out of the cafe with her laptop.)

    A Fuelish Thing To Do

    | Italy | Extra Stupid

    (It’s a particularly cold evening. I’m chatting with a regular, while filling his tank.)

    Regular: “It’s so cold today; you know what you should do?”

    Me: “What?”

    Regular: “You should take a barrel, put it in the middle of the pumps, fill it with wood, then light it up to warm the place.”

    Me: “…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

    Regular: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because I don’t want to die.”

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