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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Up And Down Is Not Right

    | Thornton, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I do tech support for a satellite TV company. Often, troubleshooting requires that we walk customers through various menus to reset or fix certain settings. All of these are navigated by the remote, and the agents would walk the customer through each and every screen with detailed directions. I have been on the phone with a caller for an hour and a half.)

    Me: “…and so, sir, I need you to push the left arrow on your remote until the dial all the way on the left of your screen is highlighted.”

    Caller: “It’s not working.”

    Me: “Well, that’s strange. Let’s back out one step and try it again. Go ahead and select the third option on the list. Now, once you’re in this next screen, press the left arrow button four times.”

    (This continues for some time, with the customer telling me various and strange results that he should not have gotten following the directions.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now, select the third option. Push the left arrow button once. What do you see highlighted in yellow?”

    Caller: “It says ‘satellite feed’.”

    Me: “That’s the button above the default. Sir, which button are you pushing? We need to go to the left of the screen.”

    Caller: “Wait, did you mean left as in ‘left and right’, or left as in ‘up and down’?”

    Me: *pause* “Left as in ‘left and right’, sir.”

    Taking Charge Of The Charge

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

    Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

    Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

    Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

    Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

    Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

    (My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

    Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

    Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

    Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

    Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store.)

    Our Faith In Humanity Is Sinking

    | Fort Nelson, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, History, Movies & TV

    (I hear two younger girls—maybe 16 or 17—in the hallway talking right outside my office. One of the girls sees a poster on the wall that has something to do with the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.)

    Girl #1: “Oh, wow, it’s been 100 years since the Titanic sank. I didn’t know it had been that long.”

    Girl #2: “Really? Leonardo DiCaprio sure doesn’t look that old! He must have a lot of work done…”

    The Cake Is Not A Lie

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m making a banana split, when a woman frantically rushes over to me, waving her hands up and down.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, is everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, I just have a question.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your question?”

    Customer: “These cakes in this case over here, the mint one… does it have cake in it?”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Does this cake have cake in it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, the cakes contain cake.”

    The Liquidation Of Our Education

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier at a well-known home improvement store. I’m working the closing shift in our garden register during summer, and am the only register open. We have a wide range of displays of water fountains up for customers to see them working, to decide if they want to buy one for their yard. A customer walks in and stands in front of fountains for several minutes looking at them before coming over to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m trying to get a fountain for my yard, and I had a quick question. Do you know much about them?”

    Me: “Well, I’ve only been trained as a cashier but I’ll answer what I can.”

    Customer: “Great! I just wanted to know, is the water included?”

    (I can’t believe the customer is asking this question, so I joke with him.)

    Me: “No, sir. You buy the water separate.”

    Customer: “Oh, how much is it?”

    Me: “Do you have a sink at home?”

    Customer: “Yes. Why?”

    Me: “Then the water is free.”

    (The customer looks confused until he suddenly realizes what he’s asked.)

    Customer: “Oh!”

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