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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    He Knows He’s Full Of Malar-Key

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in customer relations for a major utility. A landlord is upset that we haven’t gotten a meter read prior to transferring service into his name.)

    Me: “I see we have a key on file, but it appears it stopped working a few months ago.”

    Customer: *very irate* “Well, I don’t know why that would have happened. I think your meter reader was just being lazy and didn’t feel like doing his job!”

    Me: “Sir, did you by any chance change the locks on your building?”

    Customer: *nervous stammering* “N-no… I did not.”

    Me: “Usually, the key stops working only because the locks are changed or broken. Did your tenant change the locks by chance?”

    Customer: “No, I’m the only one that changes the locks on my building! That tenant was evicted, and I had to change the locks to keep them from stealing from me!”

    Me: “So, you DID change the locks, then?”

    Customer: “Er… um… well, why wasn’t I notified that the key was no longer working?!”

    Me: “So, you wanted us to notify you that YOU changed the locks on your own building?”

    Customer: “I’m so F***ING sick of your company!” *click*

    Copy That, Not, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (At our copy shop, we have prepaid cards to use in the self serve area. Sometimes, the cards don’t activate right after purchasing them. Any time this happens, simply inserting into the receipt printer will activate it. We’re not sure why, but it works.)

    Customer: “My card won’t work!”

    Me: “Oh, is it saying there’s no money on it?”

    Customer: “Ya! And I gave you $3! It ate my money!”

    Me: “No, it didn’t. Sometimes, the cards take a while to activate. All you have to do it is put it in the receipt printer, and then it will work. As soon as the card pops back out, it’ll be good to go.”

    (The customer storms off. I watch her insert her card into the printer, and then stare are it for almost a minute after it pops back out. She then huffs and makes her way back over to me.)

    Customer: “It’s still not working!”

    Me: “Yep, it should be fixed now.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t work!”

    Me: “You haven’t tried to copy with it yet, though. Put it in the copier, and it will work for you.”

    Customer: “Just put $3 on my card!”

    Me: “I did already. It wasn’t working before, but I assure you, it will work now.”

    Customer: “Look, I just want to make copies, and you’re making this difficult for me! I told you already the darn card isn’t working! I put it in the machine like you told me, and then it gave my card back!”

    Me: “Yep, so it should work now.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t print a receipt!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s okay, it will still work. The only reason it didn’t print a receipt is because you haven’t made copies on it yet. But it will work now.”

    Customer: “You’re not listening to me! It won’t work! I put it in that machine like you said and it’s still broken!”

    Me: “Have you tried putting it into a copier yet?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “So, go try. It’ll work.”

    Customer: *huffs and walks off to put it into a copier*

    (It worked.)

    Related:
    Copy That, Not

    Self-Discarding Prophecy

    | Switzerland | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am a secretary at an eye clinic. A patient comes up to me to get a new appointment.)

    Me: “So, this is your card with the date and time of the consultation.”

    Patient: “Do I get a letter with this information?”

    Me: “We just give out the cards. We have about 140 patients everyday. So, we can’t mail everyone a letter for their next appointment… sorry.”

    Patient: “But then, how do I remember it?”

    Me: “Well, you have your card now.”

    Patient: “That’s not possible, because I’m going to throw this card away!”

    Me: “Just please hang on to the card, and you’ll be fine.”

    Patient: “Great. How am I supposed to remember the appointment when I’m throwing this away?”

    Me: “Please just hang on to the card.”

    Patient: “You’re no help at all. In case I forget my next appointment, it’s your fault!”

    Somehow, The Great Indoors Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It

    | Newfoundland, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a small checkpoint building at a campground. It acts as sort of a front desk for the campground. The building being very small, it gets very hot in the summer and has windows on all four sides of it. Three sides for ventilation, with one wicket for serving customers.)

    Customer: *pulls up in an RV* “Yeah, I want a campsite for the night.” *holds out cash*

    Me: “Sure, we have lots of availability. Can you come around to the front window here? This one is only for fresh air, and I can’t remove the fly screen.”

    Customer: “You mean come OUT? Like OUTDOORS?” *gets panicky* “Like, where there are bugs, and dirt, and pollen?!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t serve anyone through that window. I need you to get out and come around to this one.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I can’t do that! I think I’ll find somewhere else to camp for the night, with less outdoors!” *drives off*

    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

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