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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Lost In No Translation, Part 4

    | British Columbia, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in a small town where a cruise ship visits in the summer. Mind you, this is BC, Canada, so English is the main language spoken here, rather than French canadians in Quebec. Note that our entire conversation is in English.)

    Customer: “Hi! May I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Customer: “Do people speak French here?”

    Me: “Well, some people might, but it’s more of a second language here.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Well, I think you’re speaking it very well, because I can understand you!”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer’s husband steps in.)

    Customer’s Husband: “She’s not speaking French, honey.”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation, Part 3
    Lost In No Translation, Part 2
    Lost In No Translation

    Paying Fool Price

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    Me: “…and your total comes to $10.28.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t. I bought two shirts.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but today is a buy 1, get 1 free sale on all women’s apparel.”

    Customer: “Is this some sort of scheme? Because I’m not gonna pay unless I pay for both! I ain’t falling for no scheme!”

    Me: “Miss, I can assure you that today is a a buy 1, get 1 free sale.”

    Customer: *throws down a $20 and a $1 and storms out of the store*

    Dumbed Down

    | Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Note: I am working on the technical support phone line at a large computer reseller.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’ve bought a new computer from you guys and it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, you’ve made a small mistake.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The DVD drive is upside down. It still works, but I have to hold in the discs while I close the drive.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay… well, bring it in and I’ll get it sorted while you wait.”

    (Half an hour later, I’m covering the returns desk while my colleague is on break. The customer I spoke to on the phone comes up with his computer and places it on the returns desk.)

    Customer: “Someone said they’d fix this for me. The DVD drive is upside down.”

    Me: *turns computer up the right way*

    (The customer was so embarrassed he took his computer and ran out out of the store!)

    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 5

    | Central Florida, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (The kitchen supply store where I work is going out of business. All over the store are bright yellow and black signs stating this, along with, “All Sales Final, No Returns,” and “Cash and Credit Cards Only, No Checks Accepted”.)  

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

    (The customer opens her purse and pulls out a checkbook.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We are not able to accept checks at this time.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because the store is going out of business.”

    Customer: “So, why is that my problem?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not your problem. However, we are not able to accept checks any longer.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see where it says that!”

    (I point at the sign behind me.)

    Me: “Here…”

    (I point at another sign on the front counter.)

    Me: “…here…”

    (I point at a third sign directly below her open checkbook.)

    Me: “…and here.”

    Customer: “I read at home! Why should I be forced to read when I shop?!”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 4
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I used to work at this drugstore store before I left to have my child; note that the bathrooms have a lock on them to avoid theft. This take place almost two years after I’ve gone. I’ve stopped in to have lunch with a former coworker, and have my daughter in a stroller when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “You! I need to be let into the bathroom.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay…”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?!”

    Me: “I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen you here before!”

    Me: “Well, I used to work here, but that was almost two years ago.”

    Customer: “So, are you going to let me in?”

    Me: “I can’t. I don’t know the code.”

    Customer: “But you work here!”

    Me: “Sir, no I don’t. I haven’t worked here in almost two years. They change the codes every six months.”

    Customer: “You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work!”

    Me: “Why would I be at work with my kid?”

    Customer: “Don’t play games with me. Just open the d*** door!”

    (At this point, an assistant manager who I know walks over.)

    Assistant Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! This lazy b**** won’t do her d*** job and open the bathroom up!”

    Assistant Manager: “She doesn’t work here, and you need to watch how you speak to people.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Assistant Manager: “Now I have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can. The bathroom is for paying customers only.”

    Customer: “Then I’ll buy something!”

    Assistant Manager: “That ship has sailed. I suggest you go next door to the fast food restaurant.”

    Customer: “I’LL SUE YOU!”

    Me: “For what exactly? Badgering another customer because you have some delusion that we are keeping the bathroom all to ourselves?”

    Customer:“You can’t talk to me like that! I DEMAND she be fired!”

    Assistant Manager: “You want me to fire someone who doesn’t work here?”

    Customer: “WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU DO YOUR JOBS?!” *runs out of the store, screaming about the bathroom*

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

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