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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Fuming Over The Gas

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

    Me: “Gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

    Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

    Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

    (The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

    Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

    Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

    Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

    (After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

    Reading Requires Reason

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

    Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

    Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

    (I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

    Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking to far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

    Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

    Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”

    Having A Sub-epiphany

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m standing in line behind a very well-dressed, mid-fifties lady.)

    Lady: “What’s the difference between a 6-inch sub and a 12-inch sub?”

    Employee: *shows a 12-inch bread* “Well, this is a 12-inch sub…”

    (She then moves her hand to the middle of the bread.)

    Employee: “…and this is the size of a 6-inch sub.”

    (The lady acts like if she has just found out the meaning of life.)

    Lady: “Oh, so a 6-inch is around half the size of a 12-inch sub!”

    Up And Down Is Not Right

    | Thornton, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I do tech support for a satellite TV company. Often, troubleshooting requires that we walk customers through various menus to reset or fix certain settings. All of these are navigated by the remote, and the agents would walk the customer through each and every screen with detailed directions. I have been on the phone with a caller for an hour and a half.)

    Me: “…and so, sir, I need you to push the left arrow on your remote until the dial all the way on the left of your screen is highlighted.”

    Caller: “It’s not working.”

    Me: “Well, that’s strange. Let’s back out one step and try it again. Go ahead and select the third option on the list. Now, once you’re in this next screen, press the left arrow button four times.”

    (This continues for some time, with the customer telling me various and strange results that he should not have gotten following the directions.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now, select the third option. Push the left arrow button once. What do you see highlighted in yellow?”

    Caller: “It says ‘satellite feed’.”

    Me: “That’s the button above the default. Sir, which button are you pushing? We need to go to the left of the screen.”

    Caller: “Wait, did you mean left as in ‘left and right’, or left as in ‘up and down’?”

    Me: *pause* “Left as in ‘left and right’, sir.”

    Taking Charge Of The Charge

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

    Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

    Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

    Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

    Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

    Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

    (My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

    Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

    Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

    Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

    Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store.)

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