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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Time To Start Screening Customers

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

    Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

    Copy That, Not

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am showing a guy how to use the copier.)

    Me: “Lift the lid from the front.”

    Patron: *ignores me and keeps trying the side*

    Me: “The front.”

    Patron: *ignores*

    (I reach over and lift it for him.)

    Me: “That’s the front. Do you want me to make your copy for you?”

    Patron: *ignores me again* “So, I put it like this?” *flops the thing down diagonal on the glass*

    Me: “Which side do you want to copy?”

    Patron: *silence*

    Me: “Which side–”

    Patron: “So, it’s a dime?”

    Me: “Which–”

    Patron: “A dime?”

    Me: “Wait a sec. Which side do you want to copy?”

    (A minute or two later.)

    Me: “Press copy and press start.”

    Patron: *stares at the machine*

    Me: “Copy is the first button on the screen.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “Just press copy.”

    Patron: “Now?”

    Me: “Yes. Okay, now press start. It’s the giant green button.”

    Patron: *stares at the screen*

    Me: “On the right, in the keypad.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “On the right.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “The right. It’s the only green one.”

    Patron: *stares*

    (I reach over and point.)

    Me: “Press this button.”

    Patron: “Now?”

    So Call Me Maybe

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling sales and support! This is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I received this letter telling me to call you.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help. Can you tell me what the letter states?”

    Caller: “For 24/7 customer service, call [number].”

    Me: “Okay, sir, did you need any assistance with your account?”

    Caller: “No, the account is fine. This letter says to call.”

    Me: “What you read to me indicates that you should call our number should you need customer service. Did you need any help today sir?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Ph.Duh, Part 2

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

    Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

    (I arrive at the professor’s office.)

    Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

    (I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

    (I remove the book.)

    Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

    (This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

    Related:
    Ph.Duh

    Some People Aren’t Backward Compatible

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a public library. Patrons often ask us how to print from the computers.)

    Patron: “I need to pay for my printing.”

    Me: “Okay. When you hit the print button, how much did it say it was going to cost?”

    Patron: “I did not hit the print button.”

    Me: “What computer were you sitting at?”

    Patron: *impatient* “I was not sitting at a computer. I am trying to print from the typewriter!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I am confused. You were not sitting at a computer, but at the typewriter? And you want to print what you typed?”

    Patron: “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe you won’t help me!” *leaves*


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