November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Won’t Like The State Of The Pizza

| Greeley, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Geography

(I am a delivery driver on a delivery, and am unable to find the house that I am looking for, so I call the customer for help.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi. This is the delivery driver in charge of delivering your pizza. Unfortunately, I’m a little stuck. I can’t seem to find your house. Could you verify your address for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, no problem! It’s [address].”

Me: “Okay. Well, that’s the same address that I have and I’m pretty sure I’m in the right place but I don’t see that address.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s pretty hard to see my house at night especially because there are no street light near me. I’ll come outside to meet you.”

(I am thoroughly confused by this because it is only six pm and the sun is still up.)

Me: “Excuse me, but it sounded like you said it was dark out so I wasn’t able to see your house?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.”

Me: “No, no. That’s not the problem. Could you tell me what city your in?”

Customer: “Um… I’m in Boston, Massachusetts. Where the h*** are you?”

Me: “Sir, you called the [Pizza Shop] in Greeley, Colorado.”

Customer: “Oh… I was wondering why the area code wasn’t normal.”

It’s Off Season

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I see that your chicken caesar salads come with either cajun or garlic chicken. I don’t like garlic and I don’t like spice, so can I just get plain chicken?”

Me: “Of course. I’ll let the kitchen know. So, absolutely no seasoning on it?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: *after the customer has received her food* “How is your salad tasting?”

Customer: “It’s fine, but the chicken is a little bland.”

Health Conscious Mosquitoes Source Their Food

| Dominican Republic | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

(My wife and I are on vacation in a resort. We just had a ‘new arrivals’ meeting, and were told about possible malaria infection from mosquitoes. We both took the appropriate medication before traveling, but not everyone agrees that it is indeed necessary.)

Tourist: “Taking that medication is not necessary you know. I should know, since I work for [our country’s health regulation service]. Every person that has contracted malaria while on holiday here was from [a certain province]. Since we are from [another province] there are absolutely no risk!”

(We laughed so hard we had to leave the room, and are still wondering how the mosquitoes manage to determine the province of origin of the tourist they are about to feast on…)

Way South Of Average Intelligence

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

Me: “… Oh boy.”

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 5

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work at a very popular car wash. On a busy day, we can reach a volume of over a thousand customers. We only have five vacuums, which are free during business hours, and $1.00 after close. Due to wet paint, we close one vacuum, which includes shutting the power to that individual vacuum off completely, posting signs on the vacuum AND on the trash can which we placed in front of it, and taping it off. Despite this, a customer attempts to use it anyway. It won’t turn on, so she walks up to the building.)

Customer: “May I have change for a dollar?”

Me: *knowing why she’s asking* “Of course, but are you needing change for a vacuum?”

Customer: *points to the one that’s closed* “Yes! That vacuum won’t turn on!”

Me: “That’s because it’s been shut off.”

Customer: “But I need to vacuum out my car. I already parked there and got out and walked all the way over here!”

Me: “There are signs that say it’s out of order.”

Customer: “I didn’t see them!”

Me: “You didn’t see that it’s been cordoned off, the trash can in front of it to prevent people from parking there, or the signs that state ‘Out of Order’?”

Customer: “You know what?! I’ll go somewhere else!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2