Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,200 thumbs up)
  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Sum-thing Wrong With Our Schools

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I am working the circulation desk at the downtown public library. A patron walks to the desk with a few DVD’s in hand.)

    Patron: “Hi! How many DVDs can I get?”

    Me: “You can have up to 20 checked out at once.”

    (The patron places his DVD’ on the counter.)

    Patron: “So, here I have…”

    (There is a bit of a pause as he is thinking.)

    Me: “…3?”

    Patron: “Yes! 3 DVD’s. And you said I could get…”

    (Another pause.)

    Me: “…20.”

    Patron: “Okay, 20 total. That means I can still get…”

    (A rather long pause, while the patron is clearly thinking very hard.)

    Me: “…17 more.”

    Patron: “Whoa! You’re really good with math!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a food runner for a hospital. My job requires me to wear a tuxedo. One day after work, I stop by a nearby dollar store to get a soda. I’m sitting on the bench outside the store drinking my soda when a fancy car pulls up right in front of me. A man gets out and walks around the car.)

    Man: “Ahem.”

    (I look up at him and see he’s looking right at me, but I don’t do anything.)

    Man: *louder* “Ahem!”

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “You incompetent moron! Do you need to be told how to do your job?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Man: “That’s it, you’ve just lost your tip. Now get over here and park my car.”

    (I realized he must think I’m a valet because I’m still wearing my tux.)

    Me: “I don’t work here, dude. Leave me alone.”

    Man: “You will address me as ‘sir’, and you will do your job right now, or I will go into that store, find your manager and have you fired for your unprofessional behavior. Look at you, drinking cola while you’re on the job! It’s because of people like you that our economy is collapsing!”

    Me: “Listen, a**hole, I already told you I don’t work here. Leave me alone and park your own d*** car.”

    Man: “That does it, I’m going to find your manager! You’ll be standing in line at the soup kitchen this time next week!”

    (He locks his car door and storms into the store. About five minutes later, he returns with the store manager, pointing furiously at me.)

    Man: “There, you see? That’s the valet who refused to park my car and insulted me! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at him like he’s insane.)

    Manager: “Sir, we don’t have valets. He doesn’t work here.”

    Man: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! You will fire that man immediately!”

    Manager: “I told you already, that guy doesn’t work for us. This is [name of store].”

    Man: “Have you all lost your minds? You think that because Obama’s in the White House that you can get away with not showing me the respect I deserve? You think Obama will save you after people like you destroy this country?”

    (The man rants about President Obama and the “destruction of American values” for a good two minutes. The manager is too stunned to say anything. Finally the man gets back in his car and drives away. The manager looks at me and I just shrug.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    A Penny For Your Loud Thoughts

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The place where I work offers ‘extended protection’ plans for select items. The plans are typically 10% the cost of the item, meaning if the item is $19.99, the plan costs $1.99. Because of this, I often just round up to the next whole dollar amount when citing the price of the item, then point out it’s a penny less if they opt to purchase it. It’s never been an issue before now. The customer is a middle-aged woman who has been very pleasant, thus far.)

    Me: “It looks as though this item comes with the option of an extended protection plan, beyond that of the manufacturer’s warranty. It only costs $3 and gives you another year in case anything goes wrong.”

    Customer: “Sure!”

    Me: “Okay!” *adds the plan* “Also, it actually only costs $2.99, so you—”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “What? F*** you! No! I don’t want it! Never mind!”

    Me: “…um, okay? But, so you’re aware, that’s less than what I said it would—”

    Customer: “You! You said it would cost $3! YOU LIED JUST TO GET MY MONEY!” *jabs her finger towards my chest*

    Me: “I promise you, ma’am, that wasn’t—”

    Customer: “Shut the h*** up! I said no! You are trying to charge me more than what you said it would cost!”

    (At this point, the customer standing behind her speaks up. She is a regular, and just celebrated her 87th birthday the week prior.)

    Regular Customer: “Oh, for the love of Pete, you idiot! $2.99 is less than $3, not more! She just saved you a penny! And shame on you, standing here, screaming at her like this! What would your mother think? Now you apologize to this girl, buy the d*** plan, and get out of line! I’m missing my shows because of your shenanigans!”

    (At this point, the other customer shuts up, pays for her items, and slinks off without another word.)

    Me: *awestruck* “Thank you, for that. That was amazing.”

    Regular Customer: *pats my hand and smiles* “It was nothing, dear. Honestly! No respect. That’s what’s wrong with people today!”

    (I told my manager about the incident some hours later. The next time the regular came into the store? There was a $50 gift card waiting for her, as thanks from all of us.)

    Getting Heated About A Lack Of Heated Food

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a soft serve ice cream shop. The building has a window to serve people outside, as the inside is rather small. A woman literally drives up to the window.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a drive through. Can you please park the car and order then?”

    Customer: “Do you have cheeseburgers?”

    Me: *confused* “Ma’am, this is an ice cream store. We don’t sell any hot foods.”

    Customer: “Do you have hot dogs?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we have no hot dogs, cheeseburgers, or anything hot. But I’m sure that the restaurant down the road has those?”

    Customer: “Can I have a large order of fries?”

    Me: “Ma’am we don’t have fries.”

    Customer: “Can I have a fish filet with ketchup?”

    Me: “Ma’am, please: we don’t have any fish, fries, chicken, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, pasta, or pizza.”

    Customer: *gives me a creepy stare*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    (The customer yells incomprehensibly, stomps on the gas, and does a donut in the parking lot before speeding away.)

    You Spin My Head Right Round

    | Appleton, WI, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a cellphone store in the mall, but am standing outside to greet visitors. A random patron approaches me.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, do you know where [cellphone store] is?”

    Me: “Turn around.”

    (The customer turns around, but in a 360 degree circle.)

    Patron: *frustrated* “How did that help?!”

    Me: “Wow.”

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