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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Size Matters, Part 5

    | Destin, FL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at the photo counter of a major retailer. This happens almost everyday.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was wondering how big is an 8 x 10 photo?”

    Me: *holding up fingers to approximate size* “About this big.”

    Customer: “So, how big is that?”

    Me: “It’s 8 inches by 10 inches.”

    Customer: “So, will that fit in a 4 x 6 frame?”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Sender To Return

    | Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes in and presents me with a package. I immediately note that he has the delivery address in the place of the return address, by standard postal conventions.)

    Customer: “I sent this package from here last week, and it came back to me.”

    Me: “Sir, you have your addresses in the wrong places.”

    Customer: “Why does it matter? Can’t the post office hire people who can read?”

    Me: “They can read just fine, sir. However, they do try to move quickly to get your mail out on time, so they look at the second address.”

    Customer: “That just means they’re stupid and they need to learn how to read. No wonder the post office is going out of business!”

    Me: “Sir, standard postal addressing conventions have the return address on top, and the delivery address on the bottom, and this is what postal employees expect to see. You have your ‘To’ and ‘From’ backwards.”

    Customer: “Oh, so now this is all my fault? They deliver it wrong and you tell me it’s my fault? I hope you don’t expect to keep business that way. I won’t be coming back. I’m going to UPS.”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir!”

    Next customer: *having witnessed entire exchange* “UPS is going to send it back to his house too!”

    Me: *nods*

    When One Door Closes, Another One…Never Mind

    | Carmel, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a small gift shop that has two doors, one in front and one in back. The front door latches to the outside wall to keep it from swinging shut. One day, a little old lady comes to the back door.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but your front door is locked.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I’m looking at it now. It’s open.”

    Customer: “Well, I just tried it and I couldn’t get it open.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s open already.”

    Customer: “But I couldn’t open it!”

    (At this point, it dawns on me that she has been trying to open the door while it was latched to the wall, while ignoring the obviously open doorway to her immediate left.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll look into it…”

    Tech Support: 5000 B.C.

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Here is the number. Do you have a pen?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve never used one before…”

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something, Part 2

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a refund on [membership]. I never used it.”

    Me: “No problem! Actually, I’m looking at your account here and it looks like you tried to buy it, but at the time, your credit card failed and so you never actually purchased it.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I know. It looks like you never bought it in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it and I was never able to use it. So you’re not going to refund me?”

    Me: “I can’t–”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me!”

    Me: “I can’t refund you because you didn’t buy anything.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Just put the money back on my card!”

    Me: “I can’t put money back on your card because we never took any off.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me! This is terrible customer service.”

    Me: “Sir, you never bought anything. How can I give you back money we never took from you? Where would the money come from?”

    Customer: “Just give it to me! Why is this so hard?”

    Me: “Okay, can you look at your credit card and tell me the exact date that we charged you? If it turns out that your records are more correct than mine, I’m happy to refund you.”

    Customer: “No! I’m not going to do that! Why should I check my credit card statement!?”

    Me: “According to our records, you never bought anything. I can’t give you back money that you didn’t spend. If our records are wrong, I can refund you.”

    Customer: “I’m not going to check anything! This is the worst customer service experience I have ever had! I can’t believe you’re giving me such a hard time over such a small amount of money!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m giving you such a hard time over no money because you never bought anything.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Related:
    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something


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