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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Forget You, And Forget Me Too

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a gym and recreational facility that requires a membership.)

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question about my membership payment.”

    Me: “Okay, are you on the annual or quarterly payment system.”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “On the bills you get from us, is it for $350 or $1400?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, if you can give me your name and phone number, I can make sure our billing person looks up your payment and then contacts you.”

    Customer: “I don’t know my phone number…”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’ve just finished ringing out the customer’s items. He hands me a gift card for another store. It’s the same color as our rewards card, so I think he just isn’t paying attention and has them confused.)

    Me: “Sir, this is a [store] gift card. We can’t take this.”

    Customer: “No, you can. Take the gift card.”

    Me: “No, I can’t. This is for [other store]. You’re at [hardware store] right now.”

    Customer: “No, take the gift card. I want to pay with that.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, with the customer insisting I take the gift card for the other store. I even run the card through the scanner just in case.)

    Customer: “Wait, that is a [store] gift card, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And I’m at [hardware store], aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *takes gift card* “So, what do I owe you?”

    Me: “$30.00.”

    (He hands me a $20 and stares expectantly.)

    Me: “And then it’s still $10, sir.”

    Customer: “You’ve got the $20.”

    Me: “Right, and $30 minus $20 is still $10.”

    Customer: “But you’re holding the $20.”

    Me: “Yes, but your total is more than $20.”

    Customer: “I gave you a $20.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, too. Finally…)

    Customer: “Wait, did you say it’s $30?”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    We Need To Know How Long Your Word Is Good For

    | Glen Burnie, MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a call center where people can pay off speeding tickets over the phone with their credit card.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can I have the expiration date?”

    Caller: “Of what? Me?!”

    Business -101

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: I work for a cosmetology products distributor, so our clients are primarily professionals and beauty salon & supply owners. I’m talking to a rather ditzy stylist on the phone.)

    Customer: “So, yeah…like, I need to know how to retail [brand name product].”

    Me: “Well, I can send you a contract to become a retailers so you can purchase them from us.”

    Customer: “But I already bought them from you! I just need to know how to sell them.”

    Me: “Uh…most people put product on a shelf with a price on it.”

    Customer: *cheerful* “Ooohhh, okay! Thanks, that’s all I needed!”

    Watch Out For The Pansysaurus

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our park has a dinosaur-themed section. I am helping a family with directions in a nearby area.)

    Customer: “What is there to do in [dino-area]?”

    Me: “Well, there are carnival games, a playground for the kids, and there’s the dinosaur ride.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a bumpy jeep ride through the dark with dinosaurs attacking you—”

    Customer: *in horror*Real dinosaurs?”

    Customer’s sister: “Think about what you just said, girl. Dinosaurs are extinct!”

    (The original customer is looking at me for confirmation, still horrified.)

    Me: “No, we don’t have any real dinosaurs.” *joking* “We tried to get some but it didn’t work out. The ones in the ride are robotic.”

    Customer: “But do they, like, climb into the cars and attack you?”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (The sister and the rest of the family are doubled over laughing.)

    Me: “No! You’re perfectly safe in the car.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to try that ride!”


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