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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Time To Close The Books On This One

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, yes, I’m trying to reach your store in Short Hills but no one will answer the phone.”

    Me: “Oh… well, the location in Short Hills actually closed three years ago.”

    Caller: “No, I don’t think you know what I’m talking about. I mean the one in the mall.”

    Me: “Yes, that was our only location in Short Hills. It closed because the mall wanted to jack up the rent.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I go to that store all the time. The number I have isn’t working and I can’t find it listed anywhere, so I need you to give me the phone number.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the number isn’t working because that store no longer exists. You can’t find it listed for the same reason.”

    Caller: “I was there last week!”

    Me: “I… don’t think that’s possible. There isn’t even a bookstore in that mall anymore.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Get me the number or get me someone else who can!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I actually used to work at that location. It closed down, so I transferred to this store three years ago. Is there something I can help you find, other than the number for the Short Hills store?”

    Caller: “You know, the employees at the Short Hills store are going to be VERY upset that you’re saying this about them! I’m going to drive over there right now and tell them all about this!”

    (One hour later, my coworker answers the phone.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “WHY IS THERE A CLOTHING STORE WHERE YOUR SHORT HILLS STORE USED TO BE?!”

    Time To Get Your Self Checked Out

    | Newmarket, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to make a complaint! The cashier triple charged me for the cheese!”

    Me: “Really? Let me see the receipt so I can give you a refund.”

    Customer: *shoves the receipt at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, you said the cashier triple charged you?”

    Customer: “Yes, and she was very rude and disrespectful!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our receipts show which till the sale went through on. You were on self-checkout, so you overcharged yourself. Are you still wanting to make a complaint?”

    Customer: *stammers and quickly leaves, minus her refund*

    Next Customer: *jokingly* “Hi, I’m feeling guilty and would like to complain about myself as well!”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (An older visitor and his wife approach me at a public swimming pool.)

    Visitor: “How deep is your pool?”

    Me: “It ranges from 3 feet to 12 feet.”

    Visitor: “So the water surface isn’t level?!”

    Me: “No, the water gradually gets deeper, but the surface of the water stays level.”

    Visitor: “That can’t be right! If the water is deeper in some areas than others, the surface can’t be level!”

    (Unsure of how to explain it without sounding patronizing, I tell him to just go look at the water. A few minutes later, he leaves without a word. His wife follows.)

    Visitor’s Wife: *laughing* “I think he gets it now…”

    Related:
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

    Leaves Everything Out

    | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished explaining the teas we have to a customer.)

    Me: “Have you decided what tea you would like today? Do you want hot or cold?”

    Customer: “I want a hot tea.”

    Me: “Alright. We have green, black, and herbal.”

    Customer: “I want a normal, unflavored tea.”

    Me: “Okay, well we have southern black tea and our store’s Earl Grey.”

    Customer: “I don’t want black tea.”

    Me: “Well, we have at least four of each of the green or herbal.”

    Customer: “No green, and no fruity herbal.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, this location does not sell white tea, but white is just baby green. However, I—”

    Customer: “I just want a cup of hot, no-flavor-of-any-kind tea!”

    Me: “Hot…water?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Dispense With The Pedantries

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was in here yesterday and picked up a liquid allergy medication for my dog.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You didn’t give me the right syringe to give it to them.”

    (The customer places a bottle of medication and a plastic 3CC syringe on the counter. I pick up the the syringe and the bottle, which instructs the owner to give 5CC’s orally, three times per day. I test the syringe to make sure that it’s working properly.)

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but what problem do you seem be having with this?”

    Customer: “Can’t you see that the instructions say to give 5CC’s per day?!”

    Me: “I can see that.”

    Customer: “Then why did you only give me a 3CC dispenser?”

    Me: “Well, we don’t have any 5CC syringes. You’re supposed to fill the syringe up to the 3CC mark, dispense it, and then give another 2CCs.”

    Customer: “But that’s not 5CCs.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “That just isn’t going to work! 3CC’s plus 2CC’s isn’t 5CC’s!”

    (I decide not to argue with her, so I go back into the back and grab another 3CC syringe.)

    Me: “I’m sorry about the mix up. The doctor is very sorry. He says to give the dog the first syringe clear full. Then, fill this new syringe up to the 2CC mark, and dispense that orally.”

    Customer: “Well, why couldn’t you have done that in the first place?!”


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