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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

    | Australia | Extra Stupid

    (We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

    Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

    Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

    Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

    Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

    (I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

    Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

    Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

    (The customer puts it in the middle.)

    Me: “No, the top left.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Left.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    (I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

    Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

    (The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

    Customer: “How much?”

    Me: “20 cents.”

    (The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

    Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

    Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    (At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)

    Stop And Stair, Part 2

    | Kennebunkport, ME, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where are your stairs to get back to the street?”

    Me: “Right behind me, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, I said the stairs to go DOWN!”

    Me: “We only have this set of stairs and our fire exit. These are the stairs that lead down to the street.”

    Customer: “But I came up these. I can’t go down them. Stairs only go one way!”

    Me: “Let me show you to the elevator…”

    Related:
    Stop And Stair

    In Through The Out Door

    | Bedford, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (A woman and her son have just entered the library. They walk straight to me while I am sitting at the circulation desk. There
    is only one entrance to the library. All other doors leading outside are clearly and brightly marked fire exits.)

    Patron: “How do I come in?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patron: “How do I come in here?”

    Me: “Through the door?”

    Patron: “Which one?”

    Me: “The one you just walked through.”

    Patron: “Oh okay, so I just do that again?”

    Me: “Yes…that should work perfectly.”

    Patron: “Thanks!” *walks away*

    In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

    , | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “My house is burning!”

    Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

    Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

    Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

    Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

    Live Wires Are Stupid Magnets

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have these wires that are red, black, and white, coming out of my drywall in my garage. I touched them and they did not appear live. I need to do something with them so I can patch the wall.”

    Me: “Okay, we can get some caps for you and some electrical tape. Just cap each one individually and wrap them individually with the tape and
    you can tuck them back into the wall without any issues.”

    Customer: “Should I test them to see if they are live? Should I touch them to my tongue?”

    Me: “No!”


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