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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    More Clueless Than Keyless, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am working by myself at the lower level circulation desk of our library. A patron with two small children comes to check out a pile of books and hands me her key-ring with her library card on it. I scan it, hand it back, and check out her books.)

    Patron: “Where are my keys? [Son], did you take my keys?”

    Son: “No.”

    Patron: *to me* “Did you give me my keys back?”

    Me: “Yes, I did.”

    (She continues looking, can’t find her keys, and begins to yell at me and at her children.)

    Patron: “We are not leaving until I find my keys!”

    Me: “You went to get your daughter a crayon. Might the keys be on the coloring table?”

    Patron: “No! I didn’t go anywhere! They have to be here!”

    (I go to check the coloring table, but I don’t see the keys. I go back and check the circulation desk again, even though I know I gave the keys back to her.)

    Patron: “WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!”

    (At this point, I have to help some other patrons.)

    Patron: *to other patrons* “I’m sure that girl didn’t give my keys back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have them. They aren’t at the desk.”

    Patron: “WHERE ARE THEY?”

    Me: “I don’t know.”

    Patron: “This is ridiculous! This always happens down here! It’s a d*** good thing I didn’t lock the house. How would I get in without my keys!?” *to her children* “WE’RE LEAVING!”

    (She drags her children upstairs to the main circulation desk. While there, she tells them that I’ve taken her keys and won’t give them back. However, while complaining, she finds her keys in her bag. Not surprisingly, she did not come back to apologize.)

    Related:
    More Clueless Than Keyless

    Airheaded Dimwits

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

    Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

    Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

    Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

    Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

    Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”

    The Dividing Line

    | Albany, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in line at a major lingerie store in a mall at midnight on Black Friday. As expected, the line is well over 10 times longer than normal due to a free gift bag they offer if you spend $65 or more. Two customers come up to me.)

    Customer #1: “Is this where the line starts?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The two customers line up behind me and instantly start to rant.)

    Customer #2: “Oh my God! This line is too long!”

    Customer #1: “They should have every register open!”

    Customer #2: “They do have every register open. They need to have this store on two floors!”

    Customer #1: ” Yeah! They should have two floors!”

    Customer #2: “I mean, look at all of these people in here! How can they have this may people in here and not see that they need two floors!”

    (Normally any other day of the year, this store is plenty big enough for its typical haul of customers.)

    Customer #1: “If they run out of gift bags by the time it’s my turn, I’m going to scream and call their corporate offices! It’s ridiculous how many people are in here!”

    Customer #2: “All of these people are gonna make me late for work!”

    Customer #1: “What time do you have to be in again?”

    Customer #2: “In a half hour!”

    (Based on where we are in line, and how fast the line is moving, also the amount of people cutting in line, it could take at least another hour and a half to reach the registers that we can’t even see.)

    Customer #1: “They shouldn’t have slow cashiers working either! The rest of us have things to do!”

    Customer #2: “I know what you mean! I can’t stand when they hire slow people!”

    Customer #1: “When I get up there, I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind! They need to have 2 floors!”

    (I wanted nothing more to tell these two women that it was Black Friday. It was going to be busy no matter what store you went to. However, I decide that with their tensions high, it would be in my best interest not to provoke these ladies by telling them off.)

    Customer #2: “Ugh! I can’t stand this anymore! I’m going to be late! This line hasn’t moved! I have to leave!”

    Customer #1: “I wish you weren’t out of sick days! I’m not staying here alone with all of these people! I have things to do!”

    (Thankfully they left at that point. Hallelujah!)

    He’s Not All Aboard

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to make sure that my flight back to Israel departs as scheduled, and that my request for a kosher meal has been approved.”

    Me: “Sir, your ticket has already expired. Your flight was on May 15th.”

    Customer: “What?!? That’s not possible! I am absolutely sure that my flight is on May 29th!”

    Me: “Sir, have you perhaps changed your ticket’s return date?”

    Customer: “No way! I would remember that! I’m not senile. My flight is on May 29th and I did not change my ticket!”

    Me: “The computer says your flight was on May 15th. Could you look at the printout of your ticket and tell me what date appears there?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God…”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I forgot! I completely forgot! I am calling you from Netanya! I already am back in Israel!”

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    | Minneapolis, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work for a very well-known vacuum cleaner company. As part of our service, we repair and tune up vacuums for our customers. A couple comes in to get their vacuum back from being tuned up.)

    Me: “Here’s your vacuum, folks!”

    (The vacuum has a check-in sheet with the customer’s name, address, phone number and a description of the vacuum attached to it.)

    Wife: “That’s not our vacuum!”

    Me: “Okay, what makes you say that?”

    Wife: “It’s the wrong color!”

    Me: “Okay, what color was it?”

    Husband: “Kind of an off-white.”

    (This vacuum is white. It is very common for tuned up vacuums to be returned looking lighter in color than upon drop-off because they often come to us filthy and the cleaner we use is highly effective.)

    Me: “So it appears to match the description on the sheet.”

    Wife: “I don’t care what your paperwork says! I know what I know! You’re incompetent! Either that or your took our vacuum and sold it!”

    (I spend the next hour calmly explaining to the customers that this is, in fact, their machine. The wife keeps insisting it’s not, that I’m a liar and/or some combination of idiot/thief and that we are incompetent. An hour late, this conversation finally stops chasing itself amid threats of litigation and promises to never come back to our store. I wind up comping them $30 in replacement parts even though I know for a fact they have the right vacuum.)

    Old lady customer: “We’re going to the [location in St Paul that closed two years earlier] from now on!”

    (Three hours later, the phone rings. It is the husband.)

    Husband:“Turns out you were right. We looked at our purchase receipt and the serial number matches the one on the vacuum you gave us. Who do I make the check for the repairs out to?”

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

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