Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (3,006 thumbs up)
  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am helping a customer who’s having an issue with his iPhone’s touch screen.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, what I’m going to try is a soft reboot. That usually fixes these issues.”

    (Another customer, who has been standing behind me, suddenly turns around.)

    Customer: “What? Ah h*** no! Let me have a look at that, ma’am.”

    (He suddenly rips the phone out of my hands.)

    Me: “Sir, please hand that back!”

    Customer: “All you have to do is just take the battery out, like so…”

    (He attempts to pry the casing off the back of the phone. Unfortunately on an iPhone, the battery cannot be removed that way, so he just ends up struggling fruitlessly with it for several seconds.)

    Me: “Sir, please can I just try—”

    Customer: “Butt out! Let’s see if this works…”

    (He jabs frantically at the screen, violently shakes the phone, then finally throws it on the floor, breaking the screen.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the d*** thing is FUBAR. You’re out of luck, buddy.”

    (He walks out.)

    Me: “Did that really just happen?”

    (Mercifully, my original customer has insurance, so we are able to get him a replacement phone.)

    Related:

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    A Softened Approach To Mathematics

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

    Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

    Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

    Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

    Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

    (She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

    Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

    Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

    Turned The Problem Right Around

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [tech support]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, the mouse that came with my computer is defective; it is not working right.”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that; how exactly is the mouse defective?”

    Customer: “When I move the mouse right, the pointer goes left. When I move the mouse left, the pointer goes right.”

    Me: “Okay, when you look down at the mouse, there is one cable sticking out of the mouse, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that cable facing toward you or away from you?”

    Customer: “The cable in the mouse is facing toward me.”

    Me: “Let’s try this; please turn the mouse around so that the cable is facing away from you.”

    Customer: “It’s working now!”

    Terrified Of Baggage

    | Pueblo, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I need help in choosing a vacuum cleaner.”

    Me: “Okay, sure! Let me start by getting an idea of what kind of area you want it for. Do you have hardwood floors, carpets, or both? And do you have pets?”

    Customer: “Well. I’ve already got one picked out, actually. I just have a question about it.”

    (The customer leads me over to one of the floor models, a bag-less cyclone vacuum.)

    Customer: “Does this vacuum need bags?”

    Me: “Nope. It’s a bag-less cyclonic, meaning it collects what the vacuum sucks up into a reusable plastic bin.”

    Customer: “Yes, but does it need bags?”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But can it take bags?”

    Me: “No. It’s a bag-less. But if you want one with bags, this one over here can—”

    Customer: “Look, all I want to know is if I need to buy bags for it or not! I don’t want to get this stupid thing home and realize it needs something else! Do I, or do I not, need to buy bags?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this vacuum is a bag-less vacuum. It does not take bags, and couldn’t even if you wanted it to.”

    Customer: “Well, can you show me where they are, at least?”

    Me: “Where what are?”

    (The customer points to the same bag-less cyclonic.)

    Customer: “The bags for this vacuum.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    A Mini Point Makes A Large Difference

    | Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

    Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

    Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

    Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

    (The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

    Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

    Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

    (Customer #1is speechless.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

    Page 144/228First...142143144145146...Last