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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Don’t Count Out The Cost Of Education

    | Gainesville, Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I’m the specialist for the children’s books. A customer comes up and asks me to take her to a popular kids’ series, so I do.)

    Customer: “Now, my granddaughter has numbers 1 and 2.”

    Me: “Great. We have the rest of the series if you’d like to pick up a few more.”

    Customer: “But what should I get?” *spreads her hands helplessly* ”She has 1 and 2 already, what should I get next?”

    Me: “You could get 3.”

    (The customer stands there blankly while I point to the book. She doesn’t move or react until I physically pick it up and put it in her hand.)

    Customer: “And then… should I go down to 4?”

    All Set For Higher Standards

    | Southfield, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I work at a test proctoring facility. A student has just finished taking his placement exams.)

    Me: “Alright, you placed into University Physics and Calculus 1.”

    Student: “Okay.”

    Me: “Do you have any last questions?”

    Student: “Who do I talk to about registration?”

    Me: “Go upstairs to Admissions. They should be able to help you.”

    Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

    Me: “…Anything else I can help you with?”

    Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

    Me: “Okay… you’re all set.”

    Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

    (I try to subtly signal the student to move on by shuffling my papers.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

    Me: “So… your scores have been entered into the database. So… you’re all set.”

    Student: “Oh, I’m all set?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Student: “Oh, okay!” *leaves*

    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 4

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m stacking shelves next to the chip display when this happens. Note: The display is very large thus hard to miss.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What can I do for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I was wondering what aisle the chips are in?”

    (I’m a little stunned, as she is standing right next to them.)

    Me: “Um, just right there.” *points to chips*

    Customer: “No! I asked what AISLE they were in.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am you’re standing right—”

    Customer: “FOR F***’S SAKE! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT AISLE THE CHIPS ARE IN?”

    Me: “A-Aisle 7.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Now was it really that hard?”

    (The customer arrives back at the display a few minutes later.)

    Customer: *grabs chips* “You could have f***ing told me I was standing right f***ing next to them! HONESTLY! What is this world coming to?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 3
    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2
    Aisle Always Need Directions

    They’ll Always Be (Baby) Back For More

    | Glendale Heights, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer has just given me her order for a full-slab of ribs. She seems nice and even-tempered until this moment.)

    Customer: “That’s to go, and I want to talk to your manager!”

    (I call over the manager.)

    Manager: “Yes, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Last time I came here, I ordered your ribs and they were absolutely DISGUSTING! There was barely ANY sauce and they were cold and gross!”

    Manager: “Did you contact us? We could have given you customer credit.”

    Customer: “NO! Why would I EVER want to come back?!” *pays for her ribs and storms off*

    She Uses The Google, Part 3

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] Festival. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank God! I need help! Your website is terrible. I can’t do anything on it! All I want to do is book my damn tickets. This is f***ing disgusting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble! I can help you book your seats. What show are you interested in?”

    Caller: “I just can’t do anything on it. I can’t even find the calendar. You really need to be more accessible. This is the worst website I have ever seen! Who the h*** made this trash?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss. If you are having this much trouble, I would be more than happy to help you order over the phone. It will only take a—”

    Caller: “NO!”

    Me: “No?”

    Caller: “Tell me how to do this. I’m not a stupid old crone.”

    Me: “Sure! I can guide you through the process. Are you on our website at this moment?”

    Caller: “Of course I’m f***ing on your website!”

    Me: “Okay, then. The first thing I want you to do is login. I can create a temporary username and password on this end for you to use.”

    Caller: “Login?”

    Me: “At the very top of the page it should say ‘Welcome, please login.’ I want you to click that message.”

    Caller: “I don’t see it.”

    Me: “It should be in big bold red letters, right above our logo.”

    Caller: “Don’t be stupid. All it says is ‘Google!’”

    (As you can imagine, the call went on for quite some time before I finally convinced her to let me book her order over the phone!)

    Related:
    He Uses The Google
    He Wants The Google
    She Uses The Google, Part 2
    She Uses The Google


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