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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Insert Subtitle Here

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible* “…flat white…” *unintelligible*

    Me: “Oh, a flat white? Sure, that’s $4.50, please.”

    Customer: *seems to ask something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible again, irritated*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t understand what you’re saying at all.”

    Customer: “Oh! I forgot that I was talking Swedish. I wanted to know if the flat white is in a small or medium cup.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was going crazy!”

    He Has His Wires Crossed

    | Lismore, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [company], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want instructions to wire up my phone socket to the mains to boost the signal.”

    (Our phone lines use a 12 V signal while main power is 240v V Connecting the two would be a very bad idea.)

    Me: *shocked* “Are you a trained electrician?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want to be one?”

    Me: “You do know that the phone systems uses a 12 V system while the mains is 240 V?”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Only authorized and trained people can work on a phone line. You are neither.”

    Customer: *sighs*That is why I am wanting the instructions to wire the phone socket to the mains!”

    Me: “Sir, if by some miracle you do not kill yourself wiring the two together you would be personally responsible for the cost of replacing a multimillion dollar telephone exchange that you would blow up by doing that wiring. Do you understand?”

    (A moment of silence as the customer thinks this through.)

    Customer: “I don’t like your attitude. Transfer me to someone more sympathetic to my needs.”

    Me: “How about I transfer you to faults. They know about wiring, and we both know you will be there sooner or later.”

    Customer: “They can tell me how to wire it up?”

    Me: “I will get them to tell you themselves.”

    (I put the customer on hold while I contact Faults department.)

    Faults: “Hello this is [name] in Faults.”

    Me: “I am so sorry to give this to you, but I have a customer demanding how to wire the phone socket into the mains.”

    Faults: “What?”

    Me: “I have explained to him if he did not manage to kill himself wiring it up, then he would be liable for the replacement cost of the exchange but he insists on being transferred to someone more sympathetic.”

    Faults: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

    Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

    Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

    Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

    (I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

    Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

    Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

    Related:
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

    Crying Over No Spilt Milk

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a convenience store, and am calling to make a dairy order.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [store] calling. I’d like to place my order.”

    Rep: “Sure! Whenever you’re ready.”

    Me: “I’ll take 15 ’2%’, 5 whole, 2 skim—”

    Rep: “I’m very sorry; can you hold on just one moment?”

    Me: “Sure, take your time.”

    (The rep puts me on hold for a few moments before returning.)

    Rep: “I’m very sorry about that. I had this guy on another line screaming at me about how he didn’t get his Pepsi order. It took me a few minutes to finally get a word in and to let him know that he had called the dairy company.”

    Me: *laughing* “Are you serious?”

    Rep: “Yes! I’ve never had that happen to me! Haha! Okay, I can take the rest of your order now!”

    Harping On

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a high school orchestra concert when the fire alarms go off. As we evacuate the building, I come across a gentleman in the hall trying to get the harp onto a harp-tow.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but you need to leave the hall. We’re evacuating the building.”

    Gentleman: “I need to get my daughter’s harp out first.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to evacuate.”

    Gentleman: “I don’t expect you to understand, but this harp is important and expensive, so why don’t you worry about your pretty little self, while I worry about more important things?”

    Me: “Sir, you have a choice: you can either leave on your own, or you can leave in handcuffs. I will have you arrested.”

    Gentleman: “I said I’m not leaving with out the harp; get it through your stupid head!”

    (A police officer has entered the hall to let me know that the fire department is on their way and that the building is clear except me and this gentleman.)

    Police officer: “Problem, [my name]?”

    Gentleman: “Yeah, I’m trying to get this harp out of here, and she’s in my way!”

    Police Officer: “Aw, that’s too bad. Guess you have to leave with out it. You can leave with me, if you’d like. I’ve got some nice handcuffs.”

    (His eyes widen and he bolts from the hall.)

    Police Officer: “Well, that’s a shame. Anyways, no fire. Fire department will reset the alarm as soon as they get here.”

    (The gentleman’s wife ends up coming in for the harp about 25 minutes later. Surprisingly, she sides with us.)

    Gentleman’s Wife: “My husband was an idiot. Thanks to you and your coworkers for a job well done… you should have had him arrested anyway!”

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