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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Don’t Throw Apples In A Room Full Of Windows

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a Cyber Cafe, where the workers are allowed to use their laptops when they are on break. I am notorious around the store to both the customers and my coworkers, because I prefer to use a Mac rather than another type of computer. One customer comes in holding her Mac laptop and a USB.)

    Customer: “Hey, you’re good with Macs, right?”

    Me: “I like to think so, why?”

    Customer: “I just recently got a Mac, and I’m transferring data over with a USB drive. This one doesn’t appear to be working.”

    Me: “How so?”

    Customer: “I plugged in this USB into the laptop, but it doesn’t recognize it.”

    Me: “That seems odd; let me try another USB.”

    (I try a spare USB lying around the workplace.)

    Me: “This one works fine; let me see your USB for a moment.”

    (The customer hands me her USB.)

    Customer: “It’s probably the stupid laptop. Now I see why everyone hates Macs. It’s a stupid brand of computer, for stupid people.”

    (The customer glares at me. I ignore it and flip over the USB, reading the bottom.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “This isn’t a USB.”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “It’s a Bluetooth transceiver.”

    (The customer freezes, snatches the transceiver, and runs out of the cafe with her laptop.)

    A Fuelish Thing To Do

    | Italy | Extra Stupid

    (It’s a particularly cold evening. I’m chatting with a regular, while filling his tank.)

    Regular: “It’s so cold today; you know what you should do?”

    Me: “What?”

    Regular: “You should take a barrel, put it in the middle of the pumps, fill it with wood, then light it up to warm the place.”

    Me: “…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

    Regular: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because I don’t want to die.”

    One Is Too Hot, One Is Too Cold, And The Customer Is Not Right

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have just finished preparing some drinks for a guest.)

    Me: “Alright, I’ve got two caramel macchiatos, one hot, one over ice, ready at the bar!”

    (I put both drinks down, one in a hot cup, the other in an iced cup.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are these my drinks?”

    Me: “Those are two caramel macchiatos, sir. One hot, one iced.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with your drinks, sir?”

    Customer: “Err… which one’s the hot one?”

    (I physically pause for a few seconds, to see if he’s joking with me.)

    Me: “The hot one’s the hot one. The one over ice has the ice in the cup.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I never know what fancy coffee drinks you people make nowadays.”

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    You Have To Laugh About The New Scarf

    | Kildare, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A customer has seen a scarf that she likes, and wants to buy two identical pairs. Unfortunately there are only two of the same style in stock.)

    Customer: “But I don’t like this one…”

    Me: “Um… they’re identical.”

    Customer: “No they’re not! I want two like this one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, they are the exact same pattern and the exact same colour. There is absolutely no difference. Look, I’ll compare them… see?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? DO YOU? This one is a darker shade. I want the lighter shade. I AM NOT AN IDIOT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; maybe it’s the lighting. I’ll just grab another from the stock room, and I’ll be right back.”

    (I hide in the stockroom for a minute with her second scarf, doing nothing. I then come back out with the exact same scarf.)

    Me: “I have found one just like the other one.”

    Customer: “See? I knew they were different! This third one is perfect!”

    (She buys them both.)

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