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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    When Push Comes To Shove

    | Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

    Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

    Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

    Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

    Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

    Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

    Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

    Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

    Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

    Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

    Perhaps There’s Insufficient Blood To Your Brain

    | Windsor, Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (We have a free self-use blood pressure machine in our pharmacy.)

    Customer: “When are you going to fix your blood pressure machine?”

    Pharmacist: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your blood pressure machine is broken. Every time I come in here, it doesn’t work! You should really take care of it. Lots of old people need to check their blood pressure, you know!”

    Me: “Are you sure? I just filled the paper roll the other day. It was working fine.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I’ve been trying to use it for days. It’s not working. You should really take care of it!”

    (I take a look at the machine and try to troubleshoot the problem. I sit in the seat, roll up my sleeve, put it in the cuff, and push the big green “Start” button. The cuff inflates normally.)

    Customer: “You mean you’re suppose to push that button?!”

    Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I take calls about various do-it-yourself products for lawn and garden and insect control.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your product is defective!”

    Me: “Okay, what product?”

    Customer: “[Brand name] weed and grass killer!”

    Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

    Customer: “It killed my grass!”

    Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

    Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

    Me: “You’re right. However, grass covers all grass types.”

    Customer: “Well, it should say on the label it kills good grass.”

    Me: “Actually, it does on the back. It lists all the grasses it kills, and your grass is listed.”

    Customer: “Well, it should tell you to read the label before use!”

    Me: “Actually, it does. See that stop sign on the back?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “And right after, it says read entire label before use.”

    Customer: “Well, it should say it on the front so I can see it!”

    Me: “I’ll put your request into corporate…”

    Related:
    Customer: Impossible
    Customer: Impossible, Part 2

    1 Part Bleach To 100 Parts Stupidity

    | Avondale, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    Me: “How are you today? I’m told you needed help with fish?”

    Customer: “Yeah, all my fish died after I cleaned my tank yesterday. My husband says that it may have had to do with me using bleach, but I told him he was wrong.”

    Me: “Well, actually he is right. Bleach leaves residue on the glass. Even after rinsing it, that can kill the fish.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t even rinse it.”

    Me: “What did you do, then?”

    Customer: “I just added it to the water. How could that kill them?”

    Aging Is A Zero Sum Game

    | Quebec City, Quebec, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (Our store has an aisle with toys as well as celebration stuff for birthdays, including candles for birthday cakes. I am filling up this aisle when a lady in her late 50′s comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you carry candles that are numbers?”

    Me: “Yes, let me show you.”

    (I show her the candles we have, from 0 to 9.)

    Customer: “Oh, they don’t carry 55. My husband is going to be 55.”

    (I think she’s joking, and laugh a little.)

    Me: “Well, you can just buy two 5′s, and that’ll make 55.”

    Customer: *disgusted* “I don’t know why they hired you!” *leaves without buying anything*


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