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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Turned The Problem Right Around

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [tech support]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, the mouse that came with my computer is defective; it is not working right.”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that; how exactly is the mouse defective?”

    Customer: “When I move the mouse right, the pointer goes left. When I move the mouse left, the pointer goes right.”

    Me: “Okay, when you look down at the mouse, there is one cable sticking out of the mouse, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that cable facing toward you or away from you?”

    Customer: “The cable in the mouse is facing toward me.”

    Me: “Let’s try this; please turn the mouse around so that the cable is facing away from you.”

    Customer: “It’s working now!”

    Terrified Of Baggage

    | Pueblo, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I need help in choosing a vacuum cleaner.”

    Me: “Okay, sure! Let me start by getting an idea of what kind of area you want it for. Do you have hardwood floors, carpets, or both? And do you have pets?”

    Customer: “Well. I’ve already got one picked out, actually. I just have a question about it.”

    (The customer leads me over to one of the floor models, a bag-less cyclone vacuum.)

    Customer: “Does this vacuum need bags?”

    Me: “Nope. It’s a bag-less cyclonic, meaning it collects what the vacuum sucks up into a reusable plastic bin.”

    Customer: “Yes, but does it need bags?”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But can it take bags?”

    Me: “No. It’s a bag-less. But if you want one with bags, this one over here can—”

    Customer: “Look, all I want to know is if I need to buy bags for it or not! I don’t want to get this stupid thing home and realize it needs something else! Do I, or do I not, need to buy bags?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this vacuum is a bag-less vacuum. It does not take bags, and couldn’t even if you wanted it to.”

    Customer: “Well, can you show me where they are, at least?”

    Me: “Where what are?”

    (The customer points to the same bag-less cyclonic.)

    Customer: “The bags for this vacuum.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    A Mini Point Makes A Large Difference

    | Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

    Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

    Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

    Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

    (The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

    Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

    Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

    (Customer #1is speechless.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

    Barking Up All The Trees

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I’m working in a garden center.)

    Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

    (I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

    Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

    Me: “Okay… can you—”

    Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

    Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

    Customer: “It has green leaves!”

    Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

    Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

    (I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

    Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

    (The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

    Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

    Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

    Customer: “It was yellow.”

    Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

    Customer: “Gree—oh…”

    Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”

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