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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    The Rotten Eggs Aren’t The Only Rotten Eggs

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a big chain retail store that also has a grocery section. On this day, my store has a power outage that lasts several hours. There’s a generator that keeps lights, necessary systems, and two registers going, but it’s not strong enough to power the refrigerated/frozen section. We block off those aisles and announce over the PA that we will not be able to sell any cold foods. I see a customer ducking the cordon and opening a refrigerator door.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? Because of the power outage, these aisles are closed. We can’t guarantee the cold food is safe to eat anymore.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I heard, but I just need some eggs.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell those. There’s a [Grocery Store] across the street if you need.”

    Customer: “Why would I go there? I’ve already got these. Hey, what the h***? These eggs are all warm!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because of the power outage. The refrigerators haven’t been working, so all the cold food has thawed. We can’t sell it.”

    (The customer drops the egg carton on the floor.)

    Customer: “Then why the h*** are they still on the shelf? What kind of sick store would try to sell bad food to people?”

    Me: “…that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, ma’am. We CAN’T sell it. That’s why these aisles are blocked with the ropes and signs saying ‘Do Not Enter.'”

    Customer: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your stupid policies! I’m taking my business to [grocery store across the street]!”

    A Latte Attitude

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It is the middle of summer with temperatures climbing into the triple digits.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you today?”

    Customer: “One large chai tea latte.”

    Me: “Alright, no problem. Would you like that hot or iced today?”

    (The customer stares at me.)

    Customer: “Chai tea latte.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Iced or hot?”

    Customer: “Latte!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. The chai tea latte comes iced or hot, and—”

    Customer: “Christ! Latte means hot! Do they teach you nothing?! Just give me my chai latte!”

    There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity, Part 2

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Four guests on one table order a bottle of sweet red wine.)

    Me: “Do you want four glasses with that?”

    Guest #1: “No, thanks. Not for me.”

    Guest #2: *to Guest #1 “What? You are not drinking the wine with us? The bottle is on me.”

    Guest #1: “No, thanks. That wine is far too sweet for me, and it contains loads of sugar. I am just not into sugary drinks. I’ll have something else instead.” *to me* “I would like to order a large Coke.”

    There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

    Driving Himself Into A Ditch

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Transportation

    (I’m at court filing documents for a client when I overhear a judge’s assistant speaking with a man waiting in the lobby behind me.)

    JA: “I’m sorry, sir, but the judge isn’t willing to do anything about the towing costs.”

    Defendant: “What?”

    JA: “You’re going to have to pay these yourself.”

    Defendant: “But… no! He can’t do that!”

    JA: “Sir, there’s nothing he can do. He’s already waived all your court costs. The tow is your responsibility.”

    Defendant: “But what about me going to jail over not paying these?!”

    JA: “You have four outstanding warrants in three states! You were driving on a suspended license! You should have been arrested on the spot!”

    Defendant: “But he has to make these go away or I’ll go to jail!”

    JA: “Sir, you should BE in jail. We did not make you drive on a suspended license. I called the DMV and you’re even flagged in THEIR system! At some point you have to take responsibility for your actions. I really don’t know how you’re not in jail right now.”

    Defendant: “FINE! But I’m still owed a bond by you people!”

    JA: “Okay. I can get that to you, but that person is out today. Will you be in town tomorrow to pick it up or would you like me to mail it?”

    Defendant: “Nah, I’ll just drive here.”

    JA: “… You’ll… drive here? Yourself?”

    Defendant: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

    JA: “Sir, could you please take a seat? I’m going to need to grab somebody to come talk to you.”

    Defendant: “Finally!”

    (The clerk and I, who had been listening in disbelief the entire time, watch as the JA walked over to the bailiff and explained the situation. I left when the handcuffs came out.)

    Dealing With A Whole New Animus

    | TX, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working my shift on a particularly lazy Sunday night, when two guys come in. I’m the only one out on the floor, as my other two coworkers are in the back. I greet the guys as they come in.)

    Me: “Hey, guys. How are y’all doing?”

    Guy #1: “Um, good. You?”

    Me: “Doing great, actually. What brings you guys in here today?”

    Guy #2: “Y’know, games. Are there any employees we can talk to, or—”

    Me: “You are.”

    Guy #1: “Girls don’t play games. Don’t lie to me.”

    Guy #2: “And if you play games then list five characters from the same game.”

    Me: “Connor Kenway, Haytham Kenway, Achilles, Charles Lee, and Ziio.”

    Guy #1:Assassin’s Creed, huh? Who’s the main character in the first one?”

    Me: “Altaïr.”

    (This goes on for several minutes, and my coworker finally comes out of the back.)

    Coworker: “Hey, y’all need anything?”

    Guy #2: “Yeah, actually. You need to hire her or something!”

    Coworker: “We did.”

    Guy #1: “Oh God, I’m sorry. We were quizzing her on Assassin’s Creed. And she kinda won.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, gamer girls do exist. Guys just get mad when the girl knows more about the game than they do.”

    (After buying their games, the two customers leave, and my coworker and I start to close up.)

    Coworker: “So that happened. Why’d he say you won?”

    Me: “He thought Ezio’s close friend was Leonardo di Caprio.”

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