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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Melteasers

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

    Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

    (I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

    (She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

    Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

    Customer: “I want those ones!”

    (The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

    Me: “Uh, okay.”

    (I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

    Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

    Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

    Customer: “One of those!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!”

    Home Doesn’t Always Work

    | Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

    (I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

    Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

    Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

    Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

    Me: “No, nor am I.”

    Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

    Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

    Mother: “Why?”

    Education Is Bacon For Granted

    | Virginia, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (We are a college bookstore that sells fetal pigs that biology students must purchase and dissect for their labs. Students usually come in knowing whether they must purchase a male or female pig.)

    Student: “Hi, I need to buy a fetal pig.”

    Me: “No problem. Male or female?”

    Student: “What’s the difference?”

    Time To Sign Up For Delivery By Delorean

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

    (I’m answering the main line at a busy newspaper on a Saturday.)

    Me: “[Newspaper], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s dark out.”

    Me: “…Okay?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s… what time is it?”

    Me: “It’s 10:12 p.m., sir.”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s 10:12 p.m. and I still haven’t gotten my Sunday paper.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s 10:12 p.m. on Saturday. We’re still making the Sunday paper.”

    Caller: “But I haven’t gotten my Sunday paper!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. That’s because it’s Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered as usual in the morning.”

    Caller: “But it hasn’t arrived yet!”

    Me: “It’s still Saturday night. The Sunday edition will arrive Sunday morning.”

    Caller: “I haven’t gotten… oh, wait. It’s Saturday?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, then… I’ve been working nights. I’m very confused about things now. I just knew it was dark.”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

    Caller: “This never happened.”

    Me: “Deal.”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

    | Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

    Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

    Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

    Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

    (Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up


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