Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,195 thumbs up)
  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

    Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

    Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

    To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4

    | WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My grocery store bakery has started a new display in our chilled sweets case, showcasing a whole cake on a pedestal with a slice of it on a plate, along with it’s price on a tag that is clearly labeled ‘Display Only’. These cakes, since they are clearly not sold, are not changed out very often. I notice that one of the plates is behind the display cake, which I find odd. My manager also notices and laughs.)

    Manager: “Did you notice this?”

    (My manager holds up the slice that had been placed in back of the display.)

    Me: “Oh yeah, I noticed it was in an odd spot. What’s up with it?”

    (My manager brings the plate over to show me. The piece of cake has a bite taken out of it, and the fork displayed along with it is dirty.)

    Manager: “A customer must have tried to eat it!”

    Me: “Wow, those cakes have been in there for ever!”

    (To prove a point, my manager takes the fork, and pokes at the cake. It is quite literally rock solid; it even sounds rock solid.)

    Manager: “They didn’t get very far! They must have taken that one little bite and realized it was inedible.”

    Me: “How the heck did they get to it?”

    Manager: “Well, the front window does swing open with some effort for cleaning but…”

    Me: *laughs again* “I know it says ‘display’, but come on. Display does not mean ‘sample’!”

    (We can only guess that a customer tried it after the bakery closed for the day!)

    Related:
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    Can’t Get A Handle On The Handle

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (We are an appliance dealer. Our doors are locked as a safety precaution, and we have to buzz people in. A customer is furiously jiggling the door handle. I speak to her through the intercom.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “OPEN UP!”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, wait for the buzzer and pull.”

    (The customer continues to jiggle it before and through the buzzer sound, so it doesn’t open.)

    Woman: “LET ME IN! WHAT IS THIS?! ARE YOU RACIST IN THERE? YOU DON’T WANT MY KIND IN THERE?!”

    (I speak louder over the non-stop jiggling and banging.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll buzz you in again. Just please let go, wait for the buzzer, and then pull.”

    (The customer continues to jiggle the handle and yell and bang. This repeats two more times.)

    Me: “Miss, I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s really not that difficult. Please, just take your hands off the handle, wait for the buzzer, and then pull the handle.”

    (The customer continues to jiggle the handle.)

    Woman: “WELL F*** THIS! I DON’T NEED THIS! I’M A F****** QUEEN!”

    (The customer punches the glass and leaves.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, your highness.”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m chatting with my friend in a grocery store, completely minding my own business. Another customer approaches us.)

    Customer: “Can you please help me to find [item]?”

    Me: “Umm… I don’t know where to find it…”

    Customer: “It’s pretty much like this, but a different shape and brand.”

    (The customer holds up another item, and continues talking for a while. I’m trying to interrupt her, but she’s giving me the exact specs and some more.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t work here. Unfortunately I have no idea where to find it.”

    (She looks at me with a puzzled look on her face. At this point I realize that my shirt is red, and not completely unlike the uniform that the shop assistants are required to wear.)

    Customer: “Are you sure? You look like you work here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m quite certain. Please read the back of my shirt. The store wouldn’t probably accept the message, would they?”

    (My shirt is from a local rap artist with a slogan that translates to “steal from your boss”.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    The Puerile And The Frog

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

    Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

    Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “D***! A frog?”

    Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

    Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

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