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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    About To Get Charged For No Charge

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)

    Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”

    Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”

    Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”

    Customer: “Charger? Um…”

    (The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)

    Customer: “I was never here.”

    (My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)

    Bottle, Bottle, On The Wall, Who Is The Dumbest Of Them All

    | Huddersfield, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer half staggers inside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me mate, where are ya’ beers?”

    (I indicate to the left of the till where our alcohol aisle is. I suspect that he might already be intoxicated. I tell him where the alcohol section is, but keep a close eye on him. The customer wanders slowly up the aisle, inspecting our cans and bottles of cheap alcohol. He makes it all the way to the end before stopping. There, he proceeds to stand, facing into the corner, as if he is taking a leak. I get out from behind the till and approach him.)

    Me: “Are you alright?”

    (The customer jumps, startled, and turns to face me. His eyes are bloodshot, yet he doesn’t smell of alcohol.)

    Customer: “Oh yeah! I’m glad you’re here. You see, I want to get these beers here.”

    (He points to some beers that he can see on the top shelf in the corner. He paws, like a cat at the glass separating him from the beers.)

    Customer: “I can’t get to ‘em. So, I was wondering if you could just go in the back, go around, and get ‘em for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You want me to get… those beers?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s the ones. So, like, if you could just… go around and get them.”

    (I stare at him blankly for a couple of seconds, then decide to release the customer of his misery.)

    Me: “Mate… that’s a mirror.”

    Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

    Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

    Vet: “Of course!”

    (The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

    Client: “Is that possible?”

    Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

    Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

    Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

    Unsure How To Insure

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Ummm, yeah. I rented a trailer from you guys, and got the optional insurance. I didn’t have a wreck or anything. Can I get that money back”?

    Me: “No, ma’am. It is insurance, not a deposit.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t use it.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you have car insurance, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Does your car insurance company refund your premiums if you don’t have a wreck?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “So, you see, it’s insurance in case there is any damage, but it is not refundable.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So I can get a refund, right?”

    Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

    Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

    Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

    Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

    Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

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