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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    Related:
    So Slow It Hertz

    He Has Beef With The Cheese

    , | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a cheeseburger, with no cheese.”

    Me: “Okay, so that’s one hamburger—”

    Customer: “NO. I want a CHEESE-burger with no CHEESE.”

    Me: “Right. So that’s a hamburger—”

    Customer: “NO! God, are you deaf or something? I want a f****** CHEESEBURGER with no f****** CHEESE!”

    Me: “…okay, so that’s cheeseburger, no cheese.”

    Customer: “Yes! Was that so hard?”

    No Meat In Their Brain

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m waiting in line to get a sandwich when I overhear this conversation between a customer in line ahead of me and the employee behind the counter.)

    Customer: “What kind of meat comes on the vegetarian sub?”

    Employee: “Uh… the vegetarian sub doesn’t have any meat on it, ma’am. That’s why it’s called the vegetarian sub.”

    Customer: “Well, that sounds bland and boring as h***. Who the h*** would eat that?”

    Employee: “A vegetarian?”

    Customer: “Well I’m a vegetarian, and I wouldn’t eat a sub with no meat on it!”

    Employee: “Uh… how can you be a vegetarian if you eat meat, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Employee: “Vegetarians are people who don’t eat meat.”

    Customer: *snorts* “No they’re not, you idiot! A vegetarian is just someone who likes vegetables! It doesn’t mean you can’t eat meat too!”

    Employee: “I’m pretty sure it means someone who ONLY eats vegetables, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Whatever. I’m never eating here again. If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what a vegetarian is, you’d probably screw up my sandwich anyway!” *storms out*

    Not As Happy As A Clam

    | ME, USA | Awesome Workers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (My friend and I are at a local market picking up chicken for her graduation party. While we’re waiting to pay, the phone rings and the cashier has to answer.)

    Cashier: “Good afternoon… I’m afraid we are sold out of clams right now… well we get a shipment in tomorrow afternoon… tomorrow afternoon… no we are sold out right now… yes we get some tomorrow afternoon… around 1 pm or so… uhm we’ll have them until they’re sold out… no we are sold out right now… why? It’s been very busy with the warm weather.” *sighs* “Tomorrow afternoon… well, I’m really sorry that we don’t have any right now, but we’ve sold out. Okay there’s a seafood store in town, bye.”

    (The cashier hangs up and looks annoyed.)

    Cashier: “Sorry… just the chicken?”

    Friend: *jokingly* “Yes but do you have clams?”

    Cashier: “Get out.”

    Friend: “But whhhyyy! I want some noooooooowww!”

    Cashier: “Well you’re gonna have to wait; sucks to be you!”

    Friend: “You wanted to say that to the person on the phone didn’t you?”

    Cashier: “You have no idea.”

    Give Them An Inch And They’ll Drive A Mile

    | Aurora, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a shift manager at a pizza chain. There are other stores miles away from us, and we all have our own areas that we deliver to. The areas don’t overlap, and we can’t deliver somewhere outside our area.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Delivery.”

    Me: “Okay, can I get your phone number please?”

    (The caller gives me a phone number and I can see we’ve never taken an order from him before, at least not under that number. I ask for his name, and he gives it to me.)

    Me: “Can I have your address please?”

    (He gives me an address, which I recognize to be in another store’s area.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; your address is in another store’s delivery area. I can give you their number, it’s—”

    Caller: “But I called THIS store.”

    Me: “Yes, but we can’t deliver to you. However, [sister store name] can. I have their—”

    Caller: “Why can’t you deliver to me?”

    Me: “All of our stores in the region have specific areas that they can deliver to. You’re in another store’s area.”

    Caller: “Well, can you just put a different address in and then deliver it to my address?”

    Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that for safety reasons. I’d be happy to give you the other store’s number, though.”

    Caller: “What, do you think I’m going to rob you? I want to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “Speaking. I’m the manager on duty tonight.”

    Caller: “No, you’re not. Last time I called I talked to a guy.”

    Me: “We have more than one manager working here; I just happen to be working tonight.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, what if I gave the driver more money? Then could you deliver to me?”

    Me: “No, we still can’t.”

    Caller: “Fine! This is horrible service! I’m going to call and complain about you!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I can give you our 1-800 numbe—”

    Caller: “I’ll just come pick it up. I want a large pepperoni.”

    Me: “Sir, the other store is closer to you; I’d be happy to give you their number.”

    Caller: “No! You’re just being lazy! I want a large pepperoni!”

    (I give up and take the customer’s order. A while later he shows up and asks for his order. I get his order and go to cash him out.)

    Caller: “I want a discount for having to drive so far! You guys should build a store closer to me!”

    Me: “I’m not giving you a discount; I’m the one who took your order, and I tried to give you the number of a store that’s closer to you several times!”

    Caller: “Oh. Well… you should have been clear about it!”

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