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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Perplexing Paper Positioning Possibilities

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes to check out with a basket of art supplies, including a pad of drawing paper. The customer hands me the other items, but stands there holding a shopping list and the paper, looking back and forth between them and frowning.)

    Me: “The paper, too?”

    Customer: “Will this work?”

    (The customer’s list has ’12 x 18′ written on it.)

    Customer: “How do I know if this will work?”

    Me: “The paper cover says ’18 x 12.'”

    Customer: “But she wrote ’12 x 18!'”

    Me: “… well, she didn’t specify the kind of paper or the kind of pad, just the size. This is the same size; she just wrote it a different way.”

    Customer: “Oh, but, I don’t know!” *very anxious* “How can you be sure?”

    (My coworker sees the confusion and comes over.)

    Coworker: “Did you have a question?”

    Customer: “I’m supposed to buy ’12 x 18,’ but I can only find ’18 x 12.'”

    Coworker: “…uh, you should be fine. See, you can hold it two ways, so it doesn’t really matter which side the binding is on. You can always cut the drawings out. It’s the same size paper.”

    Customer: “This is just so perplexing to me!”

    Can’t Put Her Finger On The Problem

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work at the touch tank at a local aquarium. We invite guests to dip their fingers in and stroke the aquatic life as they swim past, provided they don’t put in more than two fingers at a time so as not to overwhelm the animals.)

    Me: “And over here we have lake sturgeon and blue gill, both native to our own Lake Michigan!”

    Guest: “What are these?” *points to starfish tank*

    Me: “Those are red knobbed starfish, ma’am. They’re native to the Indian Ocean.”

    Guest: “And I can touch them?”

    Me: “Absolutely! We only ask that you use two fingers at a time.”

    (The guest nods and proceeds to stick her thumb and forefinger into the tank, pull the starfish out, shake the water off it, and place it in her purse.)

    Me: “Ma’am! Taking the marine life out of the tank is very dangerous! Please! I’m going to have to ask that you put it back!”

    Guest: “But I wanted to take it home.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s a living creature you have there. We can’t just let people reach in and take out our animals!”

    Guest: “I only used two fingers!”

    Bashing The Button Basher

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A 20-something calls in with the very common problem of their TV showing a blank screen. I’m second-level tech support, meaning they’ve already spoken to someone who either concluded their problem was serious, or simply gave up attempting to assist them.)

    Me: “Press the red button at the very top of your remote.”

    Caller: “Umm… uh… What’s a button?”

    Me: “Do you want to think about what you just asked for a moment?”

    Caller: “Umm, yeah, what’s a button?”

    Me: “Those little round things that make stuff happen when you push them.”

    Caller: “Oh, it worked! What was wrong?”

    Me: “Your TV was turned off.”

    On A Completely Different Wavelength

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I am looking for a portable radio with headphones I can use while I walk or go to the gym.”

    Me: “Certainly! May I suggest this unit right here? It is actually an all-in-one unit; the radio is a part of the headphone assembly itself.”

    Customer: “I would rather have the headphones and radio be separate.”

    Me: “Well, we have multiple pocket radios with a headphone jack right over here. Do any of these look like what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “I would rather have a larger unit I can keep on the table, and plug into the wall.”

    Me: “Well, this unit right here is a little larger but can still be carried on you, and can plug into the wall as well as use headphones. It will charge while it’s plugged in, and you can take it with you when you walk or travel.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want it to use batteries.”

    Me: “So you want it to be a wall-socket only, non-battery powered, portable radio you can use while you walk and exercise?”

    Customer: “Yes, why is that so complicated?”

    Providing Extra Service

    | New York, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a cash register at a fairly popular clothing store. A customer walks up to me with a t-shirt in hand.)

    Customer: “Do you have this in size extra-medium?”

    Me: *stares blankly* “An extra-medium?”

    Customer: “Yeah. The medium just doesn’t fit.”

    Me: “Is it too big?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Is it too small?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s not medium enough.”

    Me: “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

    (I take the shirt into the back room and take out a sharpie. I carefully draw an ‘X’ in front of the ‘M’ on the tag of the shirt. I then return and hand the shirt to the customer. He checks the tag, then goes and tries it on in the fitting room. I see him again at the checkout counter.)

    Me: “Were you happy with your shirt?”

    Customer: “Yeah. That extra-medium fits so much better than the medium!”

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