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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not Getting The Message

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (We are a small store that repairs watches. Upon the completion of a repair job, we call the customer to alert them that there product is ready.)

    Customer: “I am here to pick up my watch.”

    Me: “Okay, sure! Did you receive a call that it was ready?”

    (Asking this allows me a better idea of where to look for the bag, in the completed drawer, in progress drawer, or intake drawer.)

    Customer: “No! I had to call you and ask if it was ready. That is outrageous!”

    (I am confused, because the job has three notes of us calling her, but no one answered.)

    Me: “That’s strange. It says here that we did call you, but there was no answer. Perhaps your answering machine was broken? Or maybe we misread your number?”

    Customer: “No, that is my number, and I don’t have an answering machine! You should have left me a message, at least! You have terrible customer service!”

    Me: “You expected us to leave a message for you even though there was no person nor machine there to hear or record it?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Fuming Over The Gas

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

    Me: “Gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

    Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

    Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

    (The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

    Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

    Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

    Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

    Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

    (After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

    Reading Requires Reason

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

    Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

    Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

    (I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

    Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking to far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

    Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

    Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”

    Having A Sub-epiphany

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m standing in line behind a very well-dressed, mid-fifties lady.)

    Lady: “What’s the difference between a 6-inch sub and a 12-inch sub?”

    Employee: *shows a 12-inch bread* “Well, this is a 12-inch sub…”

    (She then moves her hand to the middle of the bread.)

    Employee: “…and this is the size of a 6-inch sub.”

    (The lady acts like if she has just found out the meaning of life.)

    Lady: “Oh, so a 6-inch is around half the size of a 12-inch sub!”

    Up And Down Is Not Right

    | Thornton, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I do tech support for a satellite TV company. Often, troubleshooting requires that we walk customers through various menus to reset or fix certain settings. All of these are navigated by the remote, and the agents would walk the customer through each and every screen with detailed directions. I have been on the phone with a caller for an hour and a half.)

    Me: “…and so, sir, I need you to push the left arrow on your remote until the dial all the way on the left of your screen is highlighted.”

    Caller: “It’s not working.”

    Me: “Well, that’s strange. Let’s back out one step and try it again. Go ahead and select the third option on the list. Now, once you’re in this next screen, press the left arrow button four times.”

    (This continues for some time, with the customer telling me various and strange results that he should not have gotten following the directions.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now, select the third option. Push the left arrow button once. What do you see highlighted in yellow?”

    Caller: “It says ‘satellite feed’.”

    Me: “That’s the button above the default. Sir, which button are you pushing? We need to go to the left of the screen.”

    Caller: “Wait, did you mean left as in ‘left and right’, or left as in ‘up and down’?”

    Me: *pause* “Left as in ‘left and right’, sir.”


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