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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Clear This Customer From Memory

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier at a grocery store. When a customer is making a purchase over $25 with a credit card, it is required that they sign for the transaction.)

    Me: “Okay, now the PIN pad is just requesting your signature to finish the transaction.”

    Customer: *after signing* “Should I hit enter or clear?”

    A Wally With The Wallets

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m a customer in line at the checkout counter, the third in line behind another customer whose items have already been scanned. This store has a rewards card, meaning you get a discount by using it and if not you pay full price. The woman doesn’t have the card with her.)

    Customer: “I am not about to spend full price when you know I have a card with you! Look it up in the computer.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I can’t. The cards are free and aren’t name-assigned.”

    Customer: “LOOK. IT. UP.”

    (For about five minutes this is the exchange, with the woman clearly convinced their system is more advanced than it really is.)

    Cashier: “Ma’am, please… there’s a line behind you. I have to wait on these people but I’ll be glad to call the manager over and let him talk to you.”

    Customer: “Well, fine… take the man right here and then we’ll continue talking.”

    (Much to our relief, the manager finally arrives.)

    Manager: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my card with me and this dumb b**** of a cashier won’t look me up in the system.”

    Manager: “You didn’t fill out any paperwork or give a name or email address when you got that card, did you?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Manager: “Then how are we supposed to look it up in the system? There’s no information attached to your card.”

    Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to carry my wallet everywhere I go just to wave these stupid cards around! ”

    Manager:” Ma’am… isn’t that your wallet in your hand?”

    Customer: “Yes, but this is my wallet that holds my money and my credit cards! I don’t carry all that other s*** in this one!”

    A Coincidence Beyond Numbers

    | UT, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support, this is [my name]. May I get your company’s phone number or ticket number, please?”

    Customer: “My company’s number is [number].”

    (This number pulls up her company, but it’s an inactive account. I then look it up by the company’s name, and find the active account under a completely different phone number.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, it actually looks as though we have the account under this phone number.” *gives her the new number*

    Customer: “That’s the number I gave you!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; I thought you had given me [first phone number].”

    Customer: “No, no! I gave you [second number], not that other one. You typed it in wrong!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. So I just happened to mistype the phone number into a completely different number, which also happened to pull up your company, just by chance?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

    Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

    Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

    Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

    Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

    Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

    Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

    Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

    Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

    Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

    Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

    Customer: “Of course I do.”

    Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

    Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

    Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

    Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

    (He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *click*

    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here, Part 2

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a customer at the grocery store a week before Christmas, dressed very casually in a hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt. I’m waiting in the candy aisle for an employee to return, as I’ve asked her to find a specific brand for me. While I wait, I decide to be nice and help clean up fallen candy in the aisle. As I do so, a woman enters the aisle and stands 15 feet away from me but says nothing. After a minute, she finally speaks.)

    Customer: “Bridge mix.”

    Me: *completely baffled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “It’s got chocolate and nuts.”

    Me: “Well, chocolate is down at that end of the aisle.”

    Customer: *goes down, comes back* “It’s not there.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t know, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here?”

    (I smile and nod and go back to hanging the candy back up, thinking the exchange is over.)

    Customer: “You’re stocking.”

    Me: “Oh, no! I don’t work here! I’m just cleaning up the mess until the woman who is helping me gets back.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “But you’re cleaning up the shelves?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (After a few moments she goes back down towards the chocolate section of the aisle to check again. I happen to look up and notice, on the highest row of candy, several bags of bridge mix.)

    Me: “Ma’am? I found it!”

    Customer: *comes scurrying over; sees it* “I need it about ten times bigger than that.”

    Me: “Well, there are more than ten bags here.”

    Customer: “What’s the price say?”

    Me: *stands on tiptoe to see* “The thing is blank, so, free?”

    Customer: “Typical.”

    Me: “Well, I hope you find it. Happy holidays.”

    Customer: “You learned something today!” *heads off*

    (Eventually the employee woman came back with my candy, and I was able to go off to do the rest of my shopping. However, I kept running into Bridge Mix Woman, and every time, she would tell me, ‘You learned something today!’ That’s why I gave the woman who ACTUALLY worked there a big hug!)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here

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