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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Dumb By Any Metric

    | Oklahoma, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”

    Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”

    Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”

    Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”

    Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*

    Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*

    Knowing Is Half The Battle, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

    Me: “Well, is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (There’s a long pause.)

    Me: “…Is there a specific style you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

    Me: “Maybe a color?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

    Me: “What size?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

    Me: “Um, I can’t help you unless you give me something to go on.”

    Customer: *dejectedly* “Okay.” *leaves*

    Boss: “What just happened?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Related:
    Knowing Is Half The Battle

    Time To Start Screening Customers

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

    Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

    Copy That, Not

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am showing a guy how to use the copier.)

    Me: “Lift the lid from the front.”

    Patron: *ignores me and keeps trying the side*

    Me: “The front.”

    Patron: *ignores*

    (I reach over and lift it for him.)

    Me: “That’s the front. Do you want me to make your copy for you?”

    Patron: *ignores me again* “So, I put it like this?” *flops the thing down diagonal on the glass*

    Me: “Which side do you want to copy?”

    Patron: *silence*

    Me: “Which side–”

    Patron: “So, it’s a dime?”

    Me: “Which–”

    Patron: “A dime?”

    Me: “Wait a sec. Which side do you want to copy?”

    (A minute or two later.)

    Me: “Press copy and press start.”

    Patron: *stares at the machine*

    Me: “Copy is the first button on the screen.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “Just press copy.”

    Patron: “Now?”

    Me: “Yes. Okay, now press start. It’s the giant green button.”

    Patron: *stares at the screen*

    Me: “On the right, in the keypad.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “On the right.”

    Patron: *stares*

    Me: “The right. It’s the only green one.”

    Patron: *stares*

    (I reach over and point.)

    Me: “Press this button.”

    Patron: “Now?”

    So Call Me Maybe

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling sales and support! This is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I received this letter telling me to call you.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help. Can you tell me what the letter states?”

    Caller: “For 24/7 customer service, call [number].”

    Me: “Okay, sir, did you need any assistance with your account?”

    Caller: “No, the account is fine. This letter says to call.”

    Me: “What you read to me indicates that you should call our number should you need customer service. Did you need any help today sir?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”


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