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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Doesn’t Recognize The Gravity Of Her Statement

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Math & Science

    (I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

    Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

    (Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

    Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

    Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

    Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

    Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

    The Bigger The Sign, The Harder They Fail

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a customer looking at a fragile jewelry display. There is a huge sign in bright colours, bigger than the display itself, saying ‘Please do not touch! We’ll be happy to come and assist you!’. I call the sales assistant over. There is another customer right next to me, looking at the same display.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like to have a look at that necklace please?”

    Sales Assistant: “Oh, my God! You read the sign; I think you’re actually the first person to read it all week!”

    Me: “Well, it is kind of obvious!”

    Sales Assistant: “You’d think so, right?”

    (We walk back to the counter. From behind us, we hear a crash. We both turn around to see the other customer with a necklace in her hand, and the entire display on the floor. She looks at us like a frightened animal, and turns bright red. She puts the necklace down, and sheepishly runs out the door. I look at the sales assistant; she looks at me, and face-palms.)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am helping a customer who’s having an issue with his iPhone’s touch screen.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, what I’m going to try is a soft reboot. That usually fixes these issues.”

    (Another customer, who has been standing behind me, suddenly turns around.)

    Customer: “What? Ah h*** no! Let me have a look at that, ma’am.”

    (He suddenly rips the phone out of my hands.)

    Me: “Sir, please hand that back!”

    Customer: “All you have to do is just take the battery out, like so…”

    (He attempts to pry the casing off the back of the phone. Unfortunately on an iPhone, the battery cannot be removed that way, so he just ends up struggling fruitlessly with it for several seconds.)

    Me: “Sir, please can I just try—”

    Customer: “Butt out! Let’s see if this works…”

    (He jabs frantically at the screen, violently shakes the phone, then finally throws it on the floor, breaking the screen.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the d*** thing is FUBAR. You’re out of luck, buddy.”

    (He walks out.)

    Me: “Did that really just happen?”

    (Mercifully, my original customer has insurance, so we are able to get him a replacement phone.)

    Related:

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    A Softened Approach To Mathematics

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

    Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

    Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

    Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

    Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

    (She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

    Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

    Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

    Turned The Problem Right Around

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [tech support]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, the mouse that came with my computer is defective; it is not working right.”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that; how exactly is the mouse defective?”

    Customer: “When I move the mouse right, the pointer goes left. When I move the mouse left, the pointer goes right.”

    Me: “Okay, when you look down at the mouse, there is one cable sticking out of the mouse, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that cable facing toward you or away from you?”

    Customer: “The cable in the mouse is facing toward me.”

    Me: “Let’s try this; please turn the mouse around so that the cable is facing away from you.”

    Customer: “It’s working now!”

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