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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

    Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

    Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

    Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

    Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

    Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

    Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

    Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

    Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

    Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

    Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

    Customer: “Of course I do.”

    Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

    Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

    Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

    Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

    (He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *click*

    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here, Part 2

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a customer at the grocery store a week before Christmas, dressed very casually in a hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt. I’m waiting in the candy aisle for an employee to return, as I’ve asked her to find a specific brand for me. While I wait, I decide to be nice and help clean up fallen candy in the aisle. As I do so, a woman enters the aisle and stands 15 feet away from me but says nothing. After a minute, she finally speaks.)

    Customer: “Bridge mix.”

    Me: *completely baffled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “It’s got chocolate and nuts.”

    Me: “Well, chocolate is down at that end of the aisle.”

    Customer: *goes down, comes back* “It’s not there.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t know, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here?”

    (I smile and nod and go back to hanging the candy back up, thinking the exchange is over.)

    Customer: “You’re stocking.”

    Me: “Oh, no! I don’t work here! I’m just cleaning up the mess until the woman who is helping me gets back.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “But you’re cleaning up the shelves?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (After a few moments she goes back down towards the chocolate section of the aisle to check again. I happen to look up and notice, on the highest row of candy, several bags of bridge mix.)

    Me: “Ma’am? I found it!”

    Customer: *comes scurrying over; sees it* “I need it about ten times bigger than that.”

    Me: “Well, there are more than ten bags here.”

    Customer: “What’s the price say?”

    Me: *stands on tiptoe to see* “The thing is blank, so, free?”

    Customer: “Typical.”

    Me: “Well, I hope you find it. Happy holidays.”

    Customer: “You learned something today!” *heads off*

    (Eventually the employee woman came back with my candy, and I was able to go off to do the rest of my shopping. However, I kept running into Bridge Mix Woman, and every time, she would tell me, ‘You learned something today!’ That’s why I gave the woman who ACTUALLY worked there a big hug!)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

    | Henderson, SC, USA | Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I am out to breakfast with some friends from work.)

    Me: “Excuse me, do you know if the cook uses milk to make the omelets or just eggs?”

    Waitress: “Just eggs. Are you allergic to milk?”

    Me: “No, but I am lactose intolerant and I forgot to bring my meds.”

    (We all order our food. However, after the waitress leaves, I overhear someone from the table next to us asking for a manager.)

    Another Customer: *loudly* “I want to complain about that waitress. I heard her interrogating that poor woman about her personal medical issues! I’m a doctor and I know you can’t just ask people about things like that! It’s against the law! She could sue you!”

    Me: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, before things get out of hand here, I’m the person she’s talking about. First of all, our waitress asked if I had an allergy to milk. It was a good question considering I made a point of asking if some of your foods have milk in it. If I was really allergic, the kitchen would have to take extra precautions to avoid anaphylaxis. Secondly, there’s no such law that I know of unless you’re talking about the laws in place to protect your private health information from being accessed by other people without your permission. I don’t see how those would apply in this case.”

    Another Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? What are you, some kind of lawyer, smarta**?”

    My Friend: “No, ‘doctor,’ she’s some kind of nurse.”

    (We all pulled out our hospital IDs. The “doctor” shut up after that. The manager thanked us for clearing things up and left, and our waitress gave us a free round of cheesecake with a free lactose-free muffin for me!)

    Related:
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World

    Yukon Freeze It, Part 2

    | ON, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a call centre located in Canada, but our focus is verifying orders placed for long distance phone service with a particular company in America, so all our incoming calls originate from there. I am on a call with a man from a Southern state.)

    Caller: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “We’re located in Canada, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh wow, you must see a lot of moose up there then?”

    Me: “Well, maybe more so out west, sir. But we are in Southern Ontario. There aren’t really any moose here.”

    Caller: “You must have a lot of snow, right?”

    Me: *it’s currently summer* “Yes, during the winter we can get lots of snow.”

    Caller: “How do you power your call centre?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? We use electricity.”

    Caller: “Wouldn’t the heat from electricity melt the igloos?”

    (I have to mute my headset as I laugh and try to compose myself. I want so badly to joke with him, but our calls are recorded.)

    Me: “No, sir. We live in houses and buildings in cities just like you. Even way up north I don’t think you’d find any igloos anymore.”

    Caller: “Really? Oh. What were you asking me again?”

    (We resume the call as normal, but at the after our goodbyes, he jumps in.)

    Caller: “Wait! If I give you my email, can you send me a picture of a moose?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Aw, how come?”

    Me: “Because it’s against company policy and the moose are camera shy. Have a great day, sir!”

    Related:
    Yukon Freeze It

    They’re Talking Babel

    | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Religion, Top

    (I am a customer in line behind one man and one woman. The employees at this shop all have fairly heavy accents, but speak perfectly understandable English. However, they do converse amongst themselves in Spanish.)

    Female Customer: *turns around* “What is the matter with these people? Why the h*** can’t they just speak English the way God intended?”

    (The other customer and I raise our eyebrows at each other.)

    Male Customer: “What makes you think God intended people to speak English?

    Female Customer: “Well, the Bible is in English, duh!”

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