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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Mostly Crazy, Not So Good

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store] tech support. This is [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Uh, yeah. My stopped working. Can I get it replaced free?”

    Me: “When did you purchase it?”

    Caller: “[Date].”

    (I collect his information and locate his purchase and warranty in our database.)

    Me: “You’re still within the 90 day warranty. What seems to be the problem with it?”

    Caller: “We can’t put the game discs in.”

    Me: “You mean some piece of the internal hardware is blocking the disc slot?”

    Caller: “No. Last night we were having a party. My roommate got pretty drunk and thought the [game console] was the toaster, and he shoved a Pop-Tart in the slot. We can’t get it out.”

    Me: “…You have a Pop-Tart stuck in the slot.”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t covered under the warranty, sir.”

    Caller: “It isn’t?”

    Me: “No. Only manufacturer defects are covered. Damage caused by the customer is not covered.”

    Caller: “S***. I guess I don’t need to ask about the Blu-Ray player, then?”

    Not Even Remotely Close

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

    Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

    Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

    Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

    Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

    Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

    Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Client: “Can you make these messages go away?”

    Me: “Which messages are those, sir?”

    Client: “The ones I get when I run backups.”

    Me: “Ah. What do they say?”

    (He reads out the error messages.)

    Me: “Uh, sir, how long have you been getting these errors for?”

    Client: “Since your software was installed last year. Why?”

    Me: “And did you report this earlier, sir?”

    Client: “No, but they’re really starting to bug me. How do I make them go away?”

    Me: “Sir, you do realise that ‘Backup Failed [error code], contact [supplier]‘ means you have no backups of your entire financial system?”

    Client: “What the h*** does that matter? I’m sick of having to hit ENTER all the time! Just tell me how to get rid of these stupid messages!”

    100% Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (An angry customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I purchased a pregnancy test from here, and it doesn’t work! I want my money back! I’ll never come here again! Stupid thing didn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay… did you use it properly?”

    Customer: “Do I look like an idiot?! I peed on a stick. Anyone can pee on a f****** stick!”

    Me: “Did any type of line come up?”

    Customer: “No, not a single line. Just a f****** number 30. How can I be 30% pregnant?”

    Me: “Well, this is the first I’ve heard about this. Do you have the box with you so I can check if there have been any problems before?”

    (The customer hands me the box. I stare at it and try not to laugh.)

    Me: “Uh… you do realise that this is a thermometer, right?”

    Customer: *runs out of the store*

    Going From Negative To Positive

    | Cambridge, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Money, Technology

    (A few minutes after opening the doors of the store, a well-groomed older customer enters. He is carrying a remote-controlled car.)

    Older Customer: “I want my money back right now! This car doesn’t work; I’ve tried everything. Give me a refund so I can leave this h*** hole.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all, sir. Let me take a quick look at it to determine the problem. Do you have your receipt?”

    Older Customer: “Who keeps receipts anymore these days? Just give me my money so I can get out of here. I already told you, I tried everything to make this d*** car work. I’m an engineer and you’re just a cashier. I would know better than you!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. It’s company policy that all defective items are inspected in front of the customer before a refund or exchange can take place. Furthermore, I can not complete the refund without your receipt.”

    Older Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I’m an engineer! I told you it doesn’t work, so it doesn’t f****** work!”

    (While he is ranting, I open the back plate and put in some batteries. The car works perfectly.)

    Older Customer: “How the h*** did you do that?!”

    Me: “I put in brand new batteries, sir. I don’t mean to insult you, but you did put batteries in the car itself, right?”

    Older Customer: “Well, that was rude! And yes, I did put batteries in the car.”

    Me: “And… did you put batteries in the remote as well?”

    Older Customer: “I’ve had about enough of you insulting my intelligence! I’ve been on this planet for 78 God-d*** years; I know how batteries work!”

    Me: “Okay, my apologies. Well, it appears that everything here is working as it should, so there is no need to refund or exchange the unit. If you have any further issues, you’re welcome to exchange it within 30 days with the receipt. By the way, you can keep the batteries for your troubles.”

    Older Customer: “Well, I should say so! You’re d*** lucky I’m not one of those rude customers that demands refunds over something ridiculous.”

    Me: “I’m glad I could resolve the issue for you. Have yourself a nice day.”

    (Several hours later, I get a phone call from a sweet-sounding old man.)

    Older Customer: “Good afternoon, are you the young lady that helped me with the remote control car earlier today?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

    Older Customer: “Well, I just wanted to apologize for my outburst in your store today. I understand you were just trying to do your job.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. I accept your apology.”

    (In the background I hear a woman’s voice; she sounds irritated.)

    Woman: “Keep going, Ron.”

    Older Customer: “Again, I’m very sorry.”

    Woman:Say it! You tell her what you did!”

    Older Customer: “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me!”

    (There’s a loud noise, and some inaudible conversation between the two. Then the woman gets on the phone.)

    Woman: “Hi dear. He wants you to know that he’s thankful for the batteries you gave him, and that the car didn’t work the first time because he put the batteries in backwards.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for the kind phone call and the honesty. You two have a lovely day.”

    (She putters with the phone, trying to find the off button. I hear the old man in the background.)

    Older Customer: “At least you didn’t tell her I wasn’t an engineer.”

    Related:
    Going From Positive To Negative

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