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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    She Has A Phone To Pick With You

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I am helping a lady pick a bracelet for herself. She has kept her phone on my table.)

    Customer: “Yes, this one will do nicely.”

    Me: “Great! So you will be buying this one?”

    Customer: “Yup. You have some nice collections here. Thanks for all your help.”

    (She picks up her phone, puts it in her pocket, and I proceed to check her out. Suddenly, she starts looking for something.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you missing something?”

    Customer: “Yes, my phone! I had kept it right on this table here.”

    Me: “Oh, I think you kept that in your pocket a few minutes ago.”

    Customer: “No! I would have remembered if I did. You stole it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you are mistaken. I was with you the entire time. Why don’t you check your pocket?”

    Customer: “No way! So you can steal something else? I know you sort of people. You appear all nice outside, while you steal from paying customers like me! I will report you to the police!”

    Me: “How about I call your phone from my phone, so you can find it?”

    (We try my suggestion, and sure enough her phone rings from her pocket.)

    Customer: “Uhm… I…”

    (She goes red in the face and disappears. She returns a couple of days later with a gift card for me. She apologizes for her behavior, and for my trouble, and goes away. To that lady, if she happens to read this: we all make mistakes, but it is rare that we accept our mistakes. Thank you for doing so, and making my day!)

    If Cars Could Run On Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Thank you for calling roadside assistance; how may I help you?”

    Elderly Lady: “Yes, I need you to get my car started; it won’t start.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can you try to describe the problem to me?”

    Elderly Lady: “Well my husband used to drive, but now he’s passed, so I have to drive again, and this stupid car won’t start.”

    Me: “Alright, can you take the phone and go to the car. Try to start it, so I can listen?”

    (The elderly lady starts grumbling as she goes to the garage.)

    Elderly Lady: “So, I put the key in, and this happens.”

    (The car tries to turn over, but nothing happens. I’m trying to figure out what it could be, and am about to dispatch a tow truck.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I need to you turn the key just a little bit, and tell me if any lights come on.”

    Elderly Lady: “One with a box and a squiggly line.”

    Me: “Okay, I need to you look on the dashboard and find the letters E and F.”

    (The elderly lady is very angry now, as we’ve been on the phone a while and she’s running late.)

    Elderly Lady: “They are right beside the box with the squiggly part.”

    Me: “Perfect, now where is the line pointing to?”

    Elderly Lady: “The E. Why, what the h*** does that mean?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, and I can send help, but your car is out of gas. You need to put gas in the car.”

    Elderly Lady: “You mean to tell me that I spent $50,000 on this car, and I still have to put gas in it?!”

    Mostly Crazy, Not So Good

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store] tech support. This is [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Uh, yeah. My stopped working. Can I get it replaced free?”

    Me: “When did you purchase it?”

    Caller: “[Date].”

    (I collect his information and locate his purchase and warranty in our database.)

    Me: “You’re still within the 90 day warranty. What seems to be the problem with it?”

    Caller: “We can’t put the game discs in.”

    Me: “You mean some piece of the internal hardware is blocking the disc slot?”

    Caller: “No. Last night we were having a party. My roommate got pretty drunk and thought the [game console] was the toaster, and he shoved a Pop-Tart in the slot. We can’t get it out.”

    Me: “…You have a Pop-Tart stuck in the slot.”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t covered under the warranty, sir.”

    Caller: “It isn’t?”

    Me: “No. Only manufacturer defects are covered. Damage caused by the customer is not covered.”

    Caller: “S***. I guess I don’t need to ask about the Blu-Ray player, then?”

    Not Even Remotely Close

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

    Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

    Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

    Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

    Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

    Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

    Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Client: “Can you make these messages go away?”

    Me: “Which messages are those, sir?”

    Client: “The ones I get when I run backups.”

    Me: “Ah. What do they say?”

    (He reads out the error messages.)

    Me: “Uh, sir, how long have you been getting these errors for?”

    Client: “Since your software was installed last year. Why?”

    Me: “And did you report this earlier, sir?”

    Client: “No, but they’re really starting to bug me. How do I make them go away?”

    Me: “Sir, you do realise that ‘Backup Failed [error code], contact [supplier]‘ means you have no backups of your entire financial system?”

    Client: “What the h*** does that matter? I’m sick of having to hit ENTER all the time! Just tell me how to get rid of these stupid messages!”

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