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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Checking In On Checking Out

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (A customer has been using a self-checking machine. Half way through, she decides she doesn’t want a certain book and takes it back to the shelves. I’ve been watching her, so I know that she has actually checked the book out to herself before putting it back on the shelf.)

    Me: “Excuse me! Can I just get that book from you, and I’ll check it back in? Don’t worry about shelving it; I’ll take care of that.”

    Customer: “No, no. I don’t want this.”

    Me: “I understand, but I just need to check it back in. Otherwise, it still appears as being out on your card.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want it.”

    Me: “I know. I understand. I’m not asking you to take it. I just want to check it in.”

    Customer: “Are you daft? I. Don’t. Want. This. Book.”

    Me: “Right. Look. If you don’t let me check this book in now, in four weeks time you are going to receive a letter informing you that this book is overdue.”

    Customer: “No, I won’t. I haven’t borrowed it.”

    Me: “Yes you have!”

    Customer: “I don’t understand how someone as stupid as you got a job here. See those?” *points to security gates*Those are what check the books out to me. If I don’t carry the book through there, they aren’t on my card. Get it?!”

    Me: *giving up* “You’re too right, ma’am. Sorry to have bothered you.”

    (She leaves with a smug look on her face. Then I pick up the book and carry it out to my desk.)

    Coworker: “You aren’t going to check that in, are you?”

    Me: “H*** no.”

    (Sure enough, five weeks later the customer comes in ranting and raving about ‘never having borrowed that book’. I bring it out from my desk and put it in front of her.)

    Me: *shrugs* “Is this the book?”

    Customer: “F***ing b****.”

    Allergic To Common Sense

    | Citrus Heights, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]! ‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]!” *customer comes up* “Hey, here’s your ‘Strawberries Wild’.”

    Customer: “This doesn’t have strawberries in it, does it? I’m deathly allergic to strawberries.”

    Me: *blink* “…Let me make you a new smoothie…”

    They Call Me Names

    | NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I overhear a phone call another agent is having with a customer for technical support.)

    Agent: “Hi, my name is [name]. Can I get your name and your TID please?”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “Your name.”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “Your N… A… M… E.”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “NAME. N… A… M… E…”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “No, your name.”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “Okay, what do people call you when they want your attention?”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “What did your mother call you when you were born?”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “Forget that, what’s your station number?”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “What’s the phone number at your site?”

    Caller: *says something*

    Agent: “This isn’t working, how about we just end the call now? Get someone that speaks English since the rest of the questions I will have for you are just going to get harder.” *hangs up*

    Insert Subtitle Here

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible* “…flat white…” *unintelligible*

    Me: “Oh, a flat white? Sure, that’s $4.50, please.”

    Customer: *seems to ask something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible again, irritated*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t understand what you’re saying at all.”

    Customer: “Oh! I forgot that I was talking Swedish. I wanted to know if the flat white is in a small or medium cup.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was going crazy!”

    He Has His Wires Crossed

    | Lismore, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [company], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want instructions to wire up my phone socket to the mains to boost the signal.”

    (Our phone lines use a 12 V signal while main power is 240v V Connecting the two would be a very bad idea.)

    Me: *shocked* “Are you a trained electrician?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want to be one?”

    Me: “You do know that the phone systems uses a 12 V system while the mains is 240 V?”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Only authorized and trained people can work on a phone line. You are neither.”

    Customer: *sighs*That is why I am wanting the instructions to wire the phone socket to the mains!”

    Me: “Sir, if by some miracle you do not kill yourself wiring the two together you would be personally responsible for the cost of replacing a multimillion dollar telephone exchange that you would blow up by doing that wiring. Do you understand?”

    (A moment of silence as the customer thinks this through.)

    Customer: “I don’t like your attitude. Transfer me to someone more sympathetic to my needs.”

    Me: “How about I transfer you to faults. They know about wiring, and we both know you will be there sooner or later.”

    Customer: “They can tell me how to wire it up?”

    Me: “I will get them to tell you themselves.”

    (I put the customer on hold while I contact Faults department.)

    Faults: “Hello this is [name] in Faults.”

    Me: “I am so sorry to give this to you, but I have a customer demanding how to wire the phone socket into the mains.”

    Faults: “What?”

    Me: “I have explained to him if he did not manage to kill himself wiring it up, then he would be liable for the replacement cost of the exchange but he insists on being transferred to someone more sympathetic.”

    Faults: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

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