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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a TV shop. We take calls for sales and tech support.)

    Caller: “No. It still won’t work”

    Me: “Okay. Try pressing menu.”

    Caller: “There is no menu button.”

    Me: “Try going to channel 123 and tell me what the screen looks like. You should see the numbers appear in the top right corner.”

    Caller: *beep* *beep* *beep*

    Caller: “No, still nothing.”

    Me: “Just try pressing ‘1.’”

    Caller: *beep*

    Me: “Um… you’re pressing the numbers on your telephone. You need to press them on your TV remote.”

    Not Even Remotely Close

    The Key Tipped Them Off

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in a licensee location of a popular shop, meaning it’s inside of a bigger store. After I have closed and mopped, I go to put the mop away in the back room. I notice a young man walk up to my shop and eye me as I walk away, but I don’t think anything of it. When I come back, I notice he has reached around the counter to grab the key to our bolted-down tip jar and is fumbling to get it off.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: *quickly hides the key behind his back and grabs a gift card on display* “Yeah. I was just wondering how much you can put on a gift card?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I think it’s as much as you want. Can I have the key back, please?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *peeking around his back* “The key, please.”

    Customer: “Oh! Um… sorry.”

    (The customer hands me the key back, acting like he didn’t realize he even had it, before walking away. When I go back behind the counter, he felt obligated to come back and tell me that he found the key somewhere else and was trying to return it! Smooth move, pal.)

    Now Has Self-Scanning Under Their Belt

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the self-scans when I see a customer put some grapes on the electronic scale and enter the produce number.)

    Self-Scan: “Place your item on the belt.”

    (The customer leaves the grapes on the scale.)

    Self Scan: “If you wish to purchase this item, please place it on the belt.”

    (The customer still keeps the grapes on the scale.)

    Self-Scan: “Please remove all items and try again.”

    (After the self-scan says this, the customer takes the grapes off the scale and places it on the belt. The customer then tries to scan another item but nothing happens.)

    Self-Scan: “Please remove all items from the front belt.”

    (The customer takes the grapes off the belt, places them on the scale and re-enters the produce. Once again, when the customer is told to move her item to the belt, she leaves it on the scale. She then takes the grapes from the scale and places it on the belt. Confused about what is happening, she calls me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I keep trying to purchase these grapes but every time I put them on the belt, it tells me to take it off.”

    (I put the customer’s grapes on the scale, enter the produce number, and place them on the belt when I’m told.)

    Customer: “What did you do?”

    Me: “I entered your grapes, weighed them, and placed them on the belt when told to.”

    Customer: “But that’s what I did.”

    Me: “Actually, what you did was put them on the belt after the self-scan told you to remove them.”

    Customer: “So when do I put them on the belt?”

    Me: “The first time it tells you to.”

    Customer: “So when the self-scan tells me to put something on the belt, that’s when I do it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You learn something new every day!”

    Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

    Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

    Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

    (Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

    Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

    Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

    (The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

    Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “You live at [Address]?”

    Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

    Me: “Do you know my name?”

    Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

    Me: “Do you know my address?”

    Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

    Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

    (The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

    Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

    Mother Knows Best And All

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

    Customer: *grunts*

    Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

    Customer: *grunts*

    Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

    Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

    (Gives address.)

    Me: “… and your signature?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

    Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

    Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Your cell number?”

    Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

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