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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    When Humans Fail The Turing Test

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I work on the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I can hear you. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER.”

    Me: “Umm, yeah, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN I PLACE MY F****** ORDER?”

    Me: “Sir, can you hear me? I’m asking for your order?”

    Customer: “OF COURSE I CAN F****** HEAR YOU! I’M NOT DEAF! I JUST WANT A CHEESEBURGER! THAT’S ALL I WANT!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, drive to the first window to pay.”

    (The customer drives around, and looks furious. He pays by card.)

    Customer: “It says ‘insert card’.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, does that mean now?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, please insert your card and follow the instructions.”

    Customer: “Well now it’s saying ‘please wait’!”

    Me: “Yes, the machine is just checking your card. Please wait.”

    Customer: “‘Insert pin,’ does it mean the pin for this card, or my credit card?”

    Me: “It means insert your pin for the card in the machine.”

    (The customer finally pays and drives off, only to return moments later.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

    Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO ORDER-ROBOT! THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS PICKLES; I DON’T WANT PICKLES! AND I DIDN’T GET MY FRIES AND DRINK! ORDER-ROBOT, WHO DO I SPEAK TO?”

    Me: “Sir, you can speak to me! I’m a person not a robot. We can correct your order for you, but you only got a cheeseburger because that’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “ORDER ROBOT, I WANT KETCHUP FOR MY FRIES! F****** machines are useless!”

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

    Customer: “Is there a café here?”

    Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Right next door.”

    Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

    Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

    Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

    Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

    Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

    (The customer walks out, looking confused.)

    Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation

    Not Interstate Of Mind

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, [store name].”

    Customer: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

    Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

    Customer: “How do I get to that?”

    Me: “Where are you now?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

    Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

    Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

    Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

    Stupid To The Nines

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I call customers to let them know when there are problems with their alarms.)

    Me: “I was just calling to let you know that I received a—”

    Customer: “Yeah, my alarm’s beeping and I don’t know why.”

    Me: “Has the power been out in the last 24 hours?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just came back on.”

    Me: “Alright, well, it’s letting you know that it didn’t have power. If you press and hold the nine key, that should clear it right out.”

    (I hear sounds as the customer appears to fumble with the phone and something in the background.)

    Customer: “I don’t see it. Which one is the nine key?”

    (I pause awkwardly, trying to think of a way to answer without being a smart-a**.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s the one besides the eight isn’t it? You said to press and hold it? That worked, thanks!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Related:
    Putting The Dire Into Directions

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