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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    No Insight To Get The Right Site

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

    (The company I work for has a competitor with a similar name.)

    Me: “Welcome to [my company], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I need you to cancel my automatic billing.”

    Me: “Well, sir, for security reasons we don’t store your payment information, so we don’t do automatic billing. Are you sure the charge is from us? What does it say on your statement?”

    Caller: “It says [competitor name].”

    Me: “I see. I’m sorry, sir, but that is a different company. You have called [my company]. You will need to call [competitor] if you want to cancel your automatic billing.”

    Caller: “But on the site it says to call this number for assistance!”

    Me: “Yes, on our site, it does. But you are not a customer of our site. You need to go to [competitor]‘s site to contact them, or I can give you their number.”

    Caller: “Look, I just want to cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand, but we are a completely separate company. [Competitor] is not associated with us in any way. You will need to call them if you need help.”

    Caller: “Why won’t you help me? Just cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Sir, the only help I can offer you is to give you [competitor]‘s phone number so you can call them. I can’t cancel your account with us, as you are not a customer.”

    Caller: “I got the number off the site! It’s the number I called! Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “Sir, as I already explained, you are looking at the wrong site. You will need to visit [competitor]‘s site, or I can give you their number. We are not associated with them at all.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ll just dispute the payment! I’ll get you shut down!”

    Currently, They Cannot See Currency, Part 2

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (One of our self-serve machines is currently unable to accept or dispense any cash. There are four signs on the machine stating this. We have four other machines that are working fine and can accept cash. A customer walks straight up to the machine with signs on it, ignoring the four other vacant machines.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am; I am just letting you know that these machines are EFT only. They can’t accept cash.”

    (The customer brushes me off.)

    Customer: “Yes, yes, whatever.”

    (At the end of her transaction, she yells at me to attend to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Where do you put the coins?”

    Me: “This machine is EFT only. It is unable to accept cash.”

    Customer: “Yes, but where do I put the coins?”

    (I talk a little bit slower.)

    Me: “This machine can not accept cash.”

    Customer: “So where do I put the coins?”

    Me: “Would you like me to move you to another machine, as this one will not take any cash?”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I’ll pay with my card. You really should put signs up, or tell people they can’t pay with cash, though.”

    (I looks at the four signs individually, and then back to the customer.)

    Me: “You’re right. Signs on the machine might help. Or I should start telling customers when they walk up to the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, you should! It would have saved me a lot of time and hassle!”

    Related:
    Currently, They Cannot See Currency

    Spicing Up The Deal(er)

    | MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

    Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

    Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

    Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

    Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

    Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

    Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

    (I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

    She Has A Phone To Pick With You

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I am helping a lady pick a bracelet for herself. She has kept her phone on my table.)

    Customer: “Yes, this one will do nicely.”

    Me: “Great! So you will be buying this one?”

    Customer: “Yup. You have some nice collections here. Thanks for all your help.”

    (She picks up her phone, puts it in her pocket, and I proceed to check her out. Suddenly, she starts looking for something.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you missing something?”

    Customer: “Yes, my phone! I had kept it right on this table here.”

    Me: “Oh, I think you kept that in your pocket a few minutes ago.”

    Customer: “No! I would have remembered if I did. You stole it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you are mistaken. I was with you the entire time. Why don’t you check your pocket?”

    Customer: “No way! So you can steal something else? I know you sort of people. You appear all nice outside, while you steal from paying customers like me! I will report you to the police!”

    Me: “How about I call your phone from my phone, so you can find it?”

    (We try my suggestion, and sure enough her phone rings from her pocket.)

    Customer: “Uhm… I…”

    (She goes red in the face and disappears. She returns a couple of days later with a gift card for me. She apologizes for her behavior, and for my trouble, and goes away. To that lady, if she happens to read this: we all make mistakes, but it is rare that we accept our mistakes. Thank you for doing so, and making my day!)

    If Cars Could Run On Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Thank you for calling roadside assistance; how may I help you?”

    Elderly Lady: “Yes, I need you to get my car started; it won’t start.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can you try to describe the problem to me?”

    Elderly Lady: “Well my husband used to drive, but now he’s passed, so I have to drive again, and this stupid car won’t start.”

    Me: “Alright, can you take the phone and go to the car. Try to start it, so I can listen?”

    (The elderly lady starts grumbling as she goes to the garage.)

    Elderly Lady: “So, I put the key in, and this happens.”

    (The car tries to turn over, but nothing happens. I’m trying to figure out what it could be, and am about to dispatch a tow truck.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I need to you turn the key just a little bit, and tell me if any lights come on.”

    Elderly Lady: “One with a box and a squiggly line.”

    Me: “Okay, I need to you look on the dashboard and find the letters E and F.”

    (The elderly lady is very angry now, as we’ve been on the phone a while and she’s running late.)

    Elderly Lady: “They are right beside the box with the squiggly part.”

    Me: “Perfect, now where is the line pointing to?”

    Elderly Lady: “The E. Why, what the h*** does that mean?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, and I can send help, but your car is out of gas. You need to put gas in the car.”

    Elderly Lady: “You mean to tell me that I spent $50,000 on this car, and I still have to put gas in it?!”

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