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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

    Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

    Guest: “Put them on where?”

    Me: “…on your face.”

    Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    Not Very Good At Checking His Account

    | MT, USAUSA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work for a bank call center.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yea, I tried to f****** withdraw my paycheck out of the ATM, and it won’t let me! You people are crooks! Get me my d*** money!”

    (I look into his account and see that the customer has both a checking and a savings. I look at the history of the card, and notice that the savings has about $5, and the checking has about $300. In the card history, I see that he’s been trying to withdraw using the savings account.)

    Me: “Sir, I noticed that you have two accounts linked to your debit card. It looks like the savings account was selected at the ATM as the account to withdraw from; are you near an ATM?”

    Customer: “Did you f****** fix it yet?! You d*** thieves!”

    Me: “Sir, I understand your frustration. If you’re near an ATM, I would be happy to hold on while you try it again. This time, when it asks what account to withdraw from, you need to choose checking rather then savings.”

    Customer: “It can’t be that easy! I’m not that stupid!”

    Me: “I didn’t say you were stupid; I’m only trying to help. Now please humor me, and try it again if you can.”

    (I can hear the customer cursing under his breath about me. I can see on my screen that he makes the withdrawal out of the checking account this time. He then comes back onto the line.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess it was that easy. You people should make it more clearer next time!”

    This Call Is Not Open And Shut

    | Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

    Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

    Me: “Okay”.

    Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

    Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

    Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

    Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

    (This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

    Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

    Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

    Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

    Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

    Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

    Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

    Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

    Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

    Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

    Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

    (It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

    Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

    Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

    Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

    Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

    Me: “Ehm…”

    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    Lack Of Register Does Not Register

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Top

    (We’ve been having some problems with one of our registers. It is the first one you see when entering the store, and is often assumed to be the one to use. Today, it has been taken apart, and is being worked on by one of my managers. Parts are all across the counter, and several signs are post staying the register is out of order.)

    Me: “You know, I will laugh if a customer comes up and starts unloading their stuff, expecting you to check them out.”

    Manager: “The register is taken apart, the screen is off, and there are three signs saying this is out of order. I doubt anyone will be that stupid.”

    (A customer walks up literally right after my manager says that, and starts unloading and pushing parts out of the way.)

    Customer: “Why is this counter so cluttered!?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this register is closed; we’re doing maintenance on it.”

    Customer: “Don’t be lazy!” *continues unloading*

    Manager: “Ma’am, please go to the other check-out. [My name] will be happy to help you.”

    Customer: “No! I came to this one, and YOU WILL help me!”

    Manager: “Once again, ma’am, this register is under maintenance. I can not check you out.”

    Customer: “Lazy ungrateful brat! Get your manager!”

    Manager: “I am the manager on duty. One more outburst like that, and I will have you leave the store.”

    (The customer mumbles something, and storms out, leaving her items behind. My manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “Alright, you can laugh.”

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