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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    He’s Talking A Load Of Bull(ion)

    | Rochester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

    Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

    (It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

    Cashier: “Is that so?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

    (I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

    (The customer looks a little flustered.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

    Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

    (The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

    Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    Putting His Own Spin On It

    | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work in a gas station. An older customer comes in, and starts ranting at me. A younger male customer stands behind her, waiting for her to be done.)

    Older Customer: “You know most vehicles have their gas nozzle on the driver’s side of the car, right?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t really say one way or another but—”

    Older Customer: “You should put more pumps on the left side so the MAJORITY of people can use your pumps.”

    Me: “I don’t really underst—”

    Older Customer: “It’d really be easier if you just made more on the LEFT SIDE, because all the cars have it on that side.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we DO rotate the pumps every six months.”

    Customer: “Oh! Well all right then!”

    (The older customer walks out cheerfully.)

    Younger Customer: “You… rotate them?”

    Me: “Yup, pick ‘em up, swivel ‘em around, set ‘em back down.”

    Younger Customer: “Well played…”

    No Insight To Get The Right Site

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

    (The company I work for has a competitor with a similar name.)

    Me: “Welcome to [my company], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I need you to cancel my automatic billing.”

    Me: “Well, sir, for security reasons we don’t store your payment information, so we don’t do automatic billing. Are you sure the charge is from us? What does it say on your statement?”

    Caller: “It says [competitor name].”

    Me: “I see. I’m sorry, sir, but that is a different company. You have called [my company]. You will need to call [competitor] if you want to cancel your automatic billing.”

    Caller: “But on the site it says to call this number for assistance!”

    Me: “Yes, on our site, it does. But you are not a customer of our site. You need to go to [competitor]‘s site to contact them, or I can give you their number.”

    Caller: “Look, I just want to cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand, but we are a completely separate company. [Competitor] is not associated with us in any way. You will need to call them if you need help.”

    Caller: “Why won’t you help me? Just cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Sir, the only help I can offer you is to give you [competitor]‘s phone number so you can call them. I can’t cancel your account with us, as you are not a customer.”

    Caller: “I got the number off the site! It’s the number I called! Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “Sir, as I already explained, you are looking at the wrong site. You will need to visit [competitor]‘s site, or I can give you their number. We are not associated with them at all.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ll just dispute the payment! I’ll get you shut down!”

    Currently, They Cannot See Currency, Part 2

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (One of our self-serve machines is currently unable to accept or dispense any cash. There are four signs on the machine stating this. We have four other machines that are working fine and can accept cash. A customer walks straight up to the machine with signs on it, ignoring the four other vacant machines.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am; I am just letting you know that these machines are EFT only. They can’t accept cash.”

    (The customer brushes me off.)

    Customer: “Yes, yes, whatever.”

    (At the end of her transaction, she yells at me to attend to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Where do you put the coins?”

    Me: “This machine is EFT only. It is unable to accept cash.”

    Customer: “Yes, but where do I put the coins?”

    (I talk a little bit slower.)

    Me: “This machine can not accept cash.”

    Customer: “So where do I put the coins?”

    Me: “Would you like me to move you to another machine, as this one will not take any cash?”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I’ll pay with my card. You really should put signs up, or tell people they can’t pay with cash, though.”

    (I looks at the four signs individually, and then back to the customer.)

    Me: “You’re right. Signs on the machine might help. Or I should start telling customers when they walk up to the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, you should! It would have saved me a lot of time and hassle!”

    Related:
    Currently, They Cannot See Currency

    Spicing Up The Deal(er)

    | MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

    Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

    Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

    Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

    Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

    Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

    Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

    (I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

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