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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

    Customer: “Orange.”

    Me: “Orange?”

    Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

    Not The Greatest Heights Of Intelligence

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I’m working a helpline with a woman to take her information so she can sign up for help to quit smoking. She’s clearly not the brightest berry in the bunch, and I’ve had to explain nearly every question in super-easy terms.)

    Me: “What is the highest level of education you’ve had?”

    Caller: “Five foot nine.”

    Foretelling Will Be The Death Of You

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (I am managing a small bookstore, and a coworker who is usually very good at guessing what book someone wants based on minimal description comes up for help.)

    Coworker: “There’s a guy on the phone, and I can’t tell what he wants. He says he’s looking for something called The Death of a Toad.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar.”

    Coworker: “He’s getting annoyed with me because I don’t recognize the title. Can you handle it?”

    (I grab the phone. The customer sounds like a teenage guy, and he’s irritated.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I hope so, that other girl was useless. I need Death of a Toad; how hard is that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry she couldn’t help you. I see she’s looked it up in the computer, and we don’t have any records of it in our system. Is it a new book?”

    Customer: “No, it’s a classic or something. I need to read it for school.”

    Me: “Okay. So it’s regular adult fiction, and it’s called Death of a Toad?”

    Customer: “Yeah, why is this so hard to understand?”

    (I do a more general search on the computer system, looking for any book with “toad” in the title, and don’t get any relevant results.)

    Me: “Is it spelled toad, like the animal? And death, like dying? I want to make sure I’m looking up the right search terms.”

    Customer: “Duh, yes! Death, like death, and toad, like frog. Wait… it’s not Death of a Toad; it’s Death of Four Toads.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar either. Do you have all or part of the author’s name?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, some guy. Look, how hard is this? It’s Death of Four Toads by some Mexican guy or whatever, and it’s a classic! Are you completely stupid? Death. Of. Four. Toads.

    (As he says this, a light bulb finally goes off in my head.)

    Me: “…are you maybe looking for Chronicle of a Death Foretold?”

    Customer: “Yes! Fine! It’s CHRONICLE of the Death of Four Toads! Do. You. Have. It?”

    Me: “Actually, I sold my last copy over the weekend. Have a nice day!”

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to buy an iron.”

    Me: “Okay, our irons are right here. Is there something specific that you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing too fancy; it’s a gift. This one looks good, but I’d like you to open it to make sure that everything is inside.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I open the box, show the customer the iron and manual, put everything back, and close the box back up. It looks the same as it did before I opened the box.)

    Customer: “Oh, great, thanks.”

    (The customer puts the iron back on the shelf. It’s the only one of its kind on the shelf, but on the very top shelf is another one. The customer points to the unopened box on the top shelf.)

    Customer: “Can you hand me that one right there?”

    Me: “Okay, would you like me to open that box, as well?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to give my niece an open box for her wedding!”

    Me: “Pardon me, but if I opened that box to make sure that the iron and manual were inside, wouldn’t it make sense to open that other box, as well?”

    (The customer looks blank.)

    Me: “I mean, how do you know that the iron and manual are going to be in that box up there?”

    Customer: “Because I opened a box.”

    Me: “But not that one up top.”

    Customer: “I. Opened. A. Box.”

    Me: *giving up* “Here, let me get you that iron…”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a $500 money order.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s $501.20.”

    Customer: *hands over $7 cash*

    Me: “You’re still $494.20 short.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “We need $500, plus $1.20 for processing the money order.”

    Customer: “This isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Sorry, a $500 money order costs $500.”

    Customer: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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