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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Drink Of Fire And Ice

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like your drink hot or iced today, sir?”

    Customer: “Hmm?”

    Me: “You have the option of having your drink hot or over ice.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you want your drink iced or hot?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

    Don’t Get The Hump

    | Boise, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an exotic petting zoo. Every Halloween, for several years, we set up our petting zoo at a maze. This particular year, I am in charge of answering questions people have about the animals. I am standing in front of the Bactrian camel—or two-humped camel&mdsh; because I am bottle feeding him. A guest walks up to the pen with two young boys in tow.)

    Guest: “Look, kids, you see those humps? That’s where camels store all their water so they don’t get thirsty!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the camel stores fat in his humps. The reason camels can go so long without water is because their red blood cells are shaped like an oval, instead of ours which are circular. The shape allows the camel to hold more water in his bloodstream without bursting his blood cells.”

    Guest: “You see, kids! I told you camels store water in their humps! Let’s go look at the llamas. Make sure they don’t spit on you!”

    Job Unap-para-ent

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I am a paralegal. Paralegals are trained in the law, but they are not lawyers, and are prohibited from giving legal advice. I am also a young woman. I am helping two elderly clients when this happens.)

    Me: “Hello, clients! I’m the attorney’s paralegal, and I will be assisting today.”

    Client: “Oh, I see. So…”

    (The client proceeds to ask a question that would clearly be the practice of law if I answered it.)

    Me: “We’ll have to ask the attorney on that one. That goes out of scope for me as a paralegal.”

    Client: “What do you mean? I thought you were just like him! Why can’t you answer my questions?”

    Me: “I’m a paralegal, sir, not a lawyer.”

    Client: “Oh. I thought that was what they called lady lawyers… paralegals.”

    Me: “Um, nope. Paralegals do a lot of legal work, we set appoints, do research and writing, and a good deal of interviewing, but we don’t represent people in court or give legal advice.”

    Client: “SO you’re basically a glorified secretary?”

    (I breathe a deep sigh, as I have a two year degree in legal studies.)

    Me: “If that helps you understand it, then yes, I suppose so.”

    (Note: A paralegal is NOTHING like a secretary. NOTHING.)

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

    | Flemington, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am a cashier at a retail store, keeping an eye on the self-checkout area. I am not supposed to ring up customers on the machines, only assist whenever there’s a problem. A woman comes up to me with a few items.)

    Customer: “Hi, you need to ring me up.”

    Me: “This is the self-checkout. The ladies over there would be happy to take you if you don’t want to use the machines.”

    Customer: “This is self-checkout?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, I hate these self-check things. Can’t you just ring me up at that register there?”

    (She points at a computer monitor, lying on the floor near the garbage cans, with a large crack easily visible across the screen. I think she’s joking but realize she’s serious.)

    Me: “Um. No, I can’t, sorry. If you don’t want to use the self-checkout, the cashiers right behind us can—”

    Customer: “Why can’t you ring me up at that register?!”

    Me: “Well, because that’s not a register, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You don’t call that thing over there a register?”

    Me: “Nope, I call that a broken computer monitor.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    In-Sip-Id Conversations

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

    Customer: “Is this my drink?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

    (She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

    Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

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