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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    It’s Going To Be A Bonus Year

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m a customer in the supermarket waiting in the line for self-checkout. This supermarket has a bonus card, but you have to scan it AFTER you scan all your items. A customer is at the self-check in front of me, buying milk and pretzels. The lines are really long, and the self-check attendant is helping someone else.)

    Customer: “Why doesn’t this work!?” *waves her bonus card all over the scanner*

    Me: “You have to scan your groceries first, hit ‘Finish’ and ‘Pay’, and then it’ll ask for the bonus card.”

    Customer: “It’s not working!” *keeps waving card*

    Me: “That’s because you have to scan your groceries first.”

    (She scans her items, then starts jabbing the ‘Help Needed’ button immediately.)

    Customer: “See, the pretzels are supposed to be only $2, and it’s ringing up $4! This is wrong!”

    Me: “You haven’t scanned your bonus card yet. You need to hit ‘Finish’ and ‘Pay’ first, then scan the card, and it’ll take the money off.”

    Customer: “Do you even know how to use this?!”

    (I lean over, hit ‘Finish’ and ‘Pay’, and then the kiosk says ‘please scan your bonus card’. She does, and the discount applies.)

    Me: “See, $2 for pretzels.”

    Kiosk: “Please take your receipt.”

    Customer: “Now where’s my receipt? Stupid machine!” *stares in the wrong place*

    Me: *points* “Your receipt prints up there.”

    (The customer glares at me, grabs her receipt and storms off to the bagging area, where she stares menacingly at me while she’s bagging her items and putting her change away. To add insult to injury, she puts her purse in the bagging area so I can’t start scanning my items.)

    Customer: *finally leaves without saying thanks*

    Me: “You’re welcome! Happy New Year to you, too!”

    Gotta Catch Them All Ages, Part 2

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Religion

    (A customer in her sixties comes in to buy a ticket. She’s wearing a sweatshirt that has the Pokémon Magikarp saying, ‘I swear to God, when I evolve, I’m going to kill you all.’)

    Me: “Do you like Pokémon?”

    Customer: *offended* “Pokémon?! No! Why?”

    Me: “Well, that’s a Pokémon on your sweatshirt. It’s an awful one, but it evolves into one that’s totally awesome!”

    Customer: “This is a Pokémon? I thought this was a statement about atheism!”

    Related:
    Gotta Catch Them All Ages

    Shaping Up To Be A Typical Day

    | West Virginia, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (At my ISP, we offer rental modems for wireless connections that come pre-encrypted with a 26 character long password. Many customers mistake zeros for O’s; I’m speaking to one such customer after correcting it for him.)

    Customer: “I just couldn’t figure it out. I tried several times, but it didn’t want to work.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we found the problem. Just remember that there are no O’s in that password—only zeros.”

    Customer: “That’s gotta be it. I know the first time I tried it I used O’s, and then I tried circles. Guess I didn’t think to try zeros!”

    Sum-thing Wrong With Our Schools

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I am working the circulation desk at the downtown public library. A patron walks to the desk with a few DVD’s in hand.)

    Patron: “Hi! How many DVDs can I get?”

    Me: “You can have up to 20 checked out at once.”

    (The patron places his DVD’ on the counter.)

    Patron: “So, here I have…”

    (There is a bit of a pause as he is thinking.)

    Me: “…3?”

    Patron: “Yes! 3 DVD’s. And you said I could get…”

    (Another pause.)

    Me: “…20.”

    Patron: “Okay, 20 total. That means I can still get…”

    (A rather long pause, while the patron is clearly thinking very hard.)

    Me: “…17 more.”

    Patron: “Whoa! You’re really good with math!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a food runner for a hospital. My job requires me to wear a tuxedo. One day after work, I stop by a nearby dollar store to get a soda. I’m sitting on the bench outside the store drinking my soda when a fancy car pulls up right in front of me. A man gets out and walks around the car.)

    Man: “Ahem.”

    (I look up at him and see he’s looking right at me, but I don’t do anything.)

    Man: *louder* “Ahem!”

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “You incompetent moron! Do you need to be told how to do your job?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Man: “That’s it, you’ve just lost your tip. Now get over here and park my car.”

    (I realized he must think I’m a valet because I’m still wearing my tux.)

    Me: “I don’t work here, dude. Leave me alone.”

    Man: “You will address me as ‘sir’, and you will do your job right now, or I will go into that store, find your manager and have you fired for your unprofessional behavior. Look at you, drinking cola while you’re on the job! It’s because of people like you that our economy is collapsing!”

    Me: “Listen, a**hole, I already told you I don’t work here. Leave me alone and park your own d*** car.”

    Man: “That does it, I’m going to find your manager! You’ll be standing in line at the soup kitchen this time next week!”

    (He locks his car door and storms into the store. About five minutes later, he returns with the store manager, pointing furiously at me.)

    Man: “There, you see? That’s the valet who refused to park my car and insulted me! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at him like he’s insane.)

    Manager: “Sir, we don’t have valets. He doesn’t work here.”

    Man: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! You will fire that man immediately!”

    Manager: “I told you already, that guy doesn’t work for us. This is [name of store].”

    Man: “Have you all lost your minds? You think that because Obama’s in the White House that you can get away with not showing me the respect I deserve? You think Obama will save you after people like you destroy this country?”

    (The man rants about President Obama and the “destruction of American values” for a good two minutes. The manager is too stunned to say anything. Finally the man gets back in his car and drives away. The manager looks at me and I just shrug.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5


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