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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Stupid To The Nines

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I call customers to let them know when there are problems with their alarms.)

    Me: “I was just calling to let you know that I received a—”

    Customer: “Yeah, my alarm’s beeping and I don’t know why.”

    Me: “Has the power been out in the last 24 hours?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just came back on.”

    Me: “Alright, well, it’s letting you know that it didn’t have power. If you press and hold the nine key, that should clear it right out.”

    (I hear sounds as the customer appears to fumble with the phone and something in the background.)

    Customer: “I don’t see it. Which one is the nine key?”

    (I pause awkwardly, trying to think of a way to answer without being a smart-a**.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s the one besides the eight isn’t it? You said to press and hold it? That worked, thanks!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Related:
    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    To Be, Or Not To Jollibee

    , | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m in line at a very well-known chicken fast food place. It’s lunch hour, so the place is fairly packed.)

    Cashier: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece meal?”

    Cashier: “Well, people usually order the two-piece at this time, since it’s supposed to hold them for a few more hours.”

    Customer: “Okay, a two-piece meal then.”

    Cashier: “Would you like that ‘Original Recipe’ or ‘Hot and Crispy?’”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

    Cashier: “Um, the ‘Original Recipe’ tends to have softer skin and a tangy flavor, while the ‘Hot and Crispy’ is spicy and crunchy.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure which one of those I want. The ‘Hot and Crispy’ might be too spicy for me.”

    Cashier: “Don’t worry, our ‘Hot and Crispy’ isn’t really that spicy. It’s just enough for a kick in the taste buds, no more.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but I might want extra mashed potatoes with it.”

    Cashier: “If you order the full meal, you get a large side dish with your food.”

    Customer: “What if a large is too big? I don’t want to eat all that much.”

    Cashier: “Well, ma’am, the containers are behind me, so you can decide for yourself if large is too big.”

    Customer: “Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?”

    Customer Somewhere In The Back: “WELL YOU’RE IN THE WRONG F****** RESTAURANT, AREN’T YOU?! STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE!”

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

    Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

    Related:
    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

    Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

    (I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

    Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

    Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

    (The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

    Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

    (The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)

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