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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Heed The Words Of Wisdom

    | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Our libraries offer self-checkout stations in addition to staff-assisted checkout. The self-check consists of a touch-screen monitor and barcode scanner. Using the scanner can take some practice. If it doesn’t get the entire item barcode an error message appears on the monitor. There are also several other error messages a customer can get regarding late fees, exceeding the checkout limit, etc. Because the monitors face customers and not the staff, we don’t know what error someone has unless we run around the counter to look. Some customers aren’t great at articulating which error message they’ve received or for asking for assistance at all.)

    Customer: *scans an item* “There. Are. Words.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Did you get an err—”

    Customer: “THERE ARE WORDS ON THE SCREEN!”

    Me: “Let’s take a look. It’s asking you to tap the ‘OK’ button and scan the item again because it misread the barcode.”

    Customer: *she jabs at the screen and re-scans the item aggressively*

    Me: “Yay, it worked!”

    Customer: *grunts and walks away*

    Coworker: “If she couldn’t handle reading the screen, how will she manage with the book she’s checked out?”

    In A Muddle Over The Mobble

    | Wales | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (Most of our visitors are from England, and although we’re familiar with the ‘tourist’ pronunciations of a lot of town names, sometimes they manage to pronounce something so crazy that we have to ask them to spell it, which for us, usually spells trouble…)

    Customer: *a smartly-dressed older lady* “Hi. I want to get to Mobblegarnith.”

    Me: “Mobblegarnith? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it. Did you perhaps mean [Town Name In Cheshire]? It’s a good two-and-a-half hours from here.”

    Customer: “It must be near here; I think we passed a sign for it on our way in.”

    Me: “Well, the nearest town to here that begins with ‘M’ is [Town Name].”

    Customer: “No. Not there.”

    Me: “Well, how about [another nearby town name that begins with 'M']?”

    Customer: “No. Not there either.”

    Me: “What about [town that doesn't begin with 'M' but roughly rhymes with the 'garnith' part]?”

    Customer: “No, no, NO, stupid! It’s not there. It’s Mobblegarnith!” *slowly and louder* “MOBBLE. GARNITH!”

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but could you spell it for me? Or perhaps tell me a name of another town you passed by where you saw the signs?”

    Customer: “Oh for crying out loud. M. A. C. H. Y—”

    Me: “Oh! You mean Machynlleth?! That’s a good hour from us, and it’s back the way you came from [Their Hometown].”

    Customer: “Yes, finally! Mobblegarnith. I don’t get why you Welsh people have to pronounce it differently just to wind us English up. It’s CLEARLY Mobblegarnith.”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not deliberate. The Welsh alphabet is just a tiny bit bigger than the English one. We actually have 28 letters versus your 26, so we have to combine some of the letters in the alphabet to finish making up our alphabet. The pronunciations are all right once you get used to them, though.”

    Customer: “Don’t lecture me, young lady! Your alphabet is nothing more than silly lies; if you’d been properly educated you’d know how to pronounce all these places. Now, could you please, very kindly, if it is not too much trouble, tell me how to get to Mobblegarnith?”

    Me: “Right, okay. I can print you some map directions if you like?”

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you, you are most kind.”

    Me: *prints maps and hands them to customer* “Here you go! Road directions to Machynlleth. Since you had such trouble getting here, I’ll waive the printing fee.”

    Customer: “For goodness’ sakes, girl, say it PROPERLY.”

    Me: *dying a bit inside* “I hope you have a safe journey to Mobblegarnith.”

    Customer: *gives a satisfied nod, and turns on her heels to leave*

    Two Can Whine For Ten Dollars

    , | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m taking orders for front counter. A customer walks up and hands me one of our “2 can dine for $9.99″ coupons.)

    Customer: “I’ll have this, please.”

    Me: “No problem. Would you like to add anything else?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. Just the two meals.”

    Me: “All right, your total is $11.70.”

    Customer: “How much is it after the coupon?”

    Me: “That is the price with the coupon. You wanted to use the two can dine, right?”

    Customer: “Yes, but why is it that price? The coupon says $10 on it.”

    Me: “Oh, the $10 is the price before tax, so that makes the difference.”

    Customer: “No, you’re supposed to take $10 off, that’s what the coupon means.”

    Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t actually work like that. It means that you pay $10 for the two meals. They would normally be over $15 for both without the coupon.”

    Customer: “But it says $10 here. So I only owe you the tax.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry but the coupon isn’t for $10 off. You are still saving a good amount off the regular combo prices.”

    Customer: “Fine. I don’t want it then. The idiots at [our other location] wouldn’t do it right either.”

    (He stormed off muttering about how we were too dumb to honour our own coupon.)

    Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

    Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

    Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

    Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

    Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

    Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

    Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

    Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

    Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

    Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

    Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

    Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A couple of weeks ago the bicycle that I had owned since I was eight years old was stolen, right outside my shop. I was at work at the time and the CCTV we have can’t pin the culprit as he was in a blind spot. The police have been as unsuccessful as well. As my only method of transport, I have to go by foot which takes 40 minutes. I’m behind the counter one day, when…)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I park my bicycle in here? Some guy got his stolen the other week so I don’t want to take any chances.”

    Me: “Sure, just park it up by the counter and I’ll—”

    (Before I can finish, the customer brings the cycle — MY CYCLE — in and rests it against the counter.)

    Me: “—k-keep an eye on it for you.”

    (The second the customer turns around the corner, I’m on the phone to my manager to ring the police. When he comes out of the office he notices the cycle and is just as baffled as me.)

    Manager: “What’s going on here?”

    Me: “A gentlemen just came in with this. He’s gone into the produce aisle but I’m certain that he’s the thief.”

    Manager: “Right. You stay here. I’ll speak to him.”

    (Without another word, my now-furious manager had rounded the corner and gone to have a word with the gentlemen in question. Not a second later I could hear swearing at the top of the gentlemen’s lungs as he came running down the same aisle and reached for my bike. My instinct kicked in and I held on to the back wheel as much as I could as he shouted for me to ‘f*****g let go’. He gave up sooner than anticipated as my manager charged at him, so he sprinted for the door. However, the police were waiting outside for him, and in a flurry of swearwords the crook was brought to the ground and arrested there and then. How did I know it was my bicycle? The dingus had forgotten to remove my water bottle which was attached to the frame and had my name on it! I guess crime doesn’t pay!)

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