Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

| Croatia | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Good evening. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *shouting* “Your data USB stick is garbage!”

(She continues to rant: It doesn’t work! You ripped me off! I’m going to report you!)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; could you tell me what the problem is?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! I am a well educated woman and know how to use the computer and your device is trash!”

(I proceed with a step by step troubleshooting with her, and she continues shouting the whole time, and keeps repeating how she is smart and stuff like that. Meanwhile, every check I ask her to do on her computer fails, and she yells even more. Finally, in all this noise coming from her, I hear something like, ‘stupid device, I’ll throw it off the table!’)

Me: “Miss, where is your USB stick right now?”

Customer: “What kind of question is that?! It’s on the table!”

Me: “Is it inserted in your computers USB port?”

Customer: “Of course not! You clearly don’t know how to use it! It says wireless on the box!”

Me: “Miss, do you see any wires coming from the device?”

Customer: “Um… no.”

Me: “Do you know what wireless means?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “I’m gonna assume that’s a no, so pick up the device and plug it in your computer!”

(I heard the computer start to execute installation, as our software plays a melody while installing, and then the line disconnected.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

Only A Hundredth Of The Intelligence

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(Our shop prints a lot of the sizes on products in cm when a lot of older customers are more familiar with inches.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with these curtain sizes, please!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “It says here the length is 228 cm, but I’m not sure what that means.”

Me: “Okay, well 228 cm is roughly—”

Customer: “Because I need a 2.28 m length curtain!”

Me: “…”

Small Minds Can’t Do Small Print

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work for a big fast food company and occasionally we have coupons for which no one bothers to read the fine print, which says to let the order taker know of the coupon prior to ordering.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get this meal?”

(Because I have worked for so long and know most of the prices I don’t always punch the orders in right away which comes in handy when the people don’t tell me about the coupon beforehand.)

Me: “Okay your total is [total]. Please drive ahead.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon!”

Me: “Sure. In the future please let me know before your order.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(Customer drives off and pulls up to my window.)

Me: “Okay your new total is [total]; may I have the coupon, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I cannot give you a discount without the coupon.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Well, my management requires me to collect the coupons.”

Customer: “But I can print them online as much as I want!”

Me: “True. However I do need to collect the coupon to give you the discount.”

Customer: “This is bull-s**t! I don’t understand why I can’t get the d*** discount!”

(I try to explain it the concept in the simplest terms I can think of.)

Me: “Think about it this way: Can you get into a concert without the ticket?”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING! I’M NOT SOME DUMB TEENAGER LIKE YOU DOING SOME S*** MINIMUM WAGE JOB!”

(Clearly natural selection has stopped since people like this are still around…)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36

| Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(My holiday job is at a small bookshop in my town. We have a gift card system connected to another major retailer of books and DVDs. One day a man attempted to buy $50 worth of books with a $50 gift card that had only $1 left on it.)

Customer: “I’d like to pay for these using this gift card.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I take the gift card and glance at the back, where it is written underneath the original $50 that he’s spent $49 using the card and has $1 left.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but you only have $1 left on your gift voucher.”

Customer: “What do you mean? It says it’s worth $50!”

Me: “Yes, but you’ve already spent $49 in a previous purchase using this card.”

Customer: “But it says $50!”

(My boss realises that I have a difficult customer and she comes over to help.)

Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, but it seems like there is only $1 on your gift card. However, we will contact the [Other Retailer]’s help desk for you and just check that it’s not a mistake.”

(I call the help desk while my boss attempts to explain the concept of using up money on a gift voucher to the man, who still doesn’t seem to understand and continues to repeat that it says $50 on the back and that someone must be trying to trick him. The help desk tells me that there is, in fact, only $1 left on his gift card.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but there is actually only $1 left on your gift voucher.”

Boss: “I’m very sorry, but there’s nothing we can do.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why would they write $50 on the back if it was going to run out?”

Me: “Because you can only spend up to $50 using this card once, just like using a real $50 note. Once you’ve spent it, it’s been spent and you can’t get it back.”

(The man paid the remaining $49 but continued to complain about the gift card for the entire purchase. To our relief he soon left, but was obviously still upset at the revelation that money was not, in fact, unlimited.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33

Not So Closed Minded, Part 8

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am the opening manager. Every morning my duties include powering on the lights, setting up the dining room, and putting our A-frame sign out on the sidewalk. Due to customers attempting to get in before we open, I always reserve these tasks for last. My boss could never understand why, until today…)

Boss: “If you just get it done first thing, you don’t have to worry about it and you can get started on preparing the fresh food!”

Me: “I’d advise against it… Can we at least leave the lights off to help discourage people from coming in?”

(My boss agrees, but it’s clear he doesn’t see why I’m so hesitant to set up the dining area. He takes all the chairs down, and goes to put the sign out on the sidewalk despite the fact that we aren’t open for another hour and a half… and a customer immediately walks in behind him. It’s about 9:30 am.)

Customer: “I want [hot meatball sandwich]!”

Boss: “Unfortunately, we aren’t open yet, sir. You came in right behind me as I was putting our sign out.”

Customer: “Then make me a [pizza]!”

Boss: “Sir, we aren’t open yet. Our ovens aren’t even on. They take time to heat up, so right now I can’t cook you anything! Even if I could, I don’t have most of the ingredients prepared. If you want a salad, I can make an exception. Those aren’t hot and they don’t take long. But I can’t cook anything.”

Customer: “What!? Why won’t you sell me a god-d*** pizza?! Your sign is out! Your lights are on! I demand you sell me a pizza!”

(My boss and the customer went back and forth a few minutes longer, and eventually the customer leaves in a huff.)

Me: “And THAT is EXACTLY why I don’t set up the dining room until just before we open!”

(I was never again scolded for doing those tasks last!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 7
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5

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