Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Doesn’t Get The Employee Part Of Discount

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work for a major pizza chain, and have since I was fourteen. This call starts slow, with the customer having to ask someone in the background for every piece of information needed for delivery.)

Me: “All right, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get, um… What do you want… pepperoni and black olive.”

Me: “All righ—”

Customer: “Does that come on a veggie pizza?”

Me: “…Does pepperoni and black olive come on a veggie pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(I’m stunned into silence for a beat, then another waiting to see if it’s a joke.)

Me: “No, sir, pepperoni does not come on a veggie pizza.”

Customer: “All right… just make that one a pepperoni and black olive pizza.”

(The rest of the phone call goes without much trouble, but slowly. Since I tend to be nice to the customers, I gave him a coupon which cut a portion of the cost off.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $29.92 today.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m going to use my employee discount on this.”

(Again, I find myself stunned into silence for a beat. Then I get frustrated.)

Me: “Two problems with that, sir. One, we’ve never offered employee discount on delivery. Two, you don’t work at this store.”

Customer: “Oh, I have to work there for that?”

Me: *head on desk* “Yes, sir, you have to work here for an employee discount.”

The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 12

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

(Its ten minutes to close and I’m in the process of closing my store. A customer comes in with a store bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought a helicopter from you guys a few months ago. I was wondering if I could exchange it?”

Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My son flew it into a tree.”

Me: “All righty, I just need the receipt, and if you’ll pass me the copter I can see how much damage it’s sustained.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have the helicopter. It’s still in the tree. And I don’t have a receipt either, I don’t keep receipts. I brought the controller so you can see I actually bought it, and I’m not lying to you.”

Me: “Okay, the controller matches the copters we sell here, but I can’t just exchange the controller for a new box. I need the copter as well. And a receipt.”

Customer: “But I bought it here; the controller is proof!”

Me: “I don’t doubt that you bought it from here, sir, but I really do need everything that was in the box, including the helicopter, in order for me to do anything.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. You’re telling me I drove two hours to merely exchange this copter for my son, and it was all in vain?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I really can’t do anything until I have the copter and a receipt.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. What kind of policy is that?!”

Me: “I think you’ll find most stores exercise the same policy as we do about not having the product you’re exchanging.”

Customer: “Fine! Give me your manager’s card and I’ll be back! You haven’t heard the end of this!”

(He never came back and nothing else has come of this.)

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 11
Refunder Blunder, Part 10
Refunder Blunder, Part 9

No Money, More Problems

| Washington, DC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a law office that represents banks in their dealings with the SEC, Federal Reserve, FDIC, etc.)

Caller: “I need bankruptcy help!”

Me: “We represent banks in their dealings with federal and state regulators.”

Caller: “I need to file bankruptcy!”

Me: “We don’t do that here.”

Caller: “Well, who does?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Caller: “Let me talk to the lawyer. He knows.”

Me: “We don’t do that sort of work, sir. We can’t help you.”

Caller: “I’ll tell everyone about you! I’ll tell your boss you’re not helping me! You’re supposed to help me! It’s in the Hippocratic Oath!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.” *hang up*

Almost Got Physical

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am calling with a complaint that one of my games won’t launch.)

Me: “Hi there, I’d like to register a complaint.”

Call Center: “Of course, sir. Sorry to hear that; how may I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, it seems your service has a bug up its a** and is trying to make me buy a game TWICE!”

Call Center: “Okay, sir, I understand. Can I get your account name and number?”

(We go through the check in questions and she starts looking through my account and transactions in the marketplace.)

Call Center:“Sir, I am seeing achievements on your gamer-tag but in accounts I see no online purchase for this game. Are you certain you bought the game online?”

Me: “OF COURSE I AM! I buy all of my games digital now. What’s the point in this extra hard drive if I have to…”

(At this point I open my drawer and see the game in question’s physical copy lying right there. The realization that I just sat through nearly an hour of robots and wait times to complain that my console wouldn’t play a game without the disc in it slowly sets in.)

Me:“…Um, It would seem as though I actually did buy the disc for this one… I’m going to go ahead and find a very tall building to jump off of.”

Call Center: *chuckling* “Please don’t do that, sir, but do have a good day!”

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