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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Wasting Quality Time On Quality Food

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My sister and I are in line at a popular fry and poutine joint. We are at the front of the line, but haven’t quite decided what we want yet. There is a customer behind us, so we tell her to go ahead if she knows what she wants. The following exchange ensues.)

    Cashier: “Hello. What can I get for you tonight?”

    Customer: “What is on your bacon poutine?”

    Cashier: “Um, bacon, cheese curd, and gravy.”

    Customer: “What about the pulled pork poutine?”

    Cashier: *motions to the board behind him where every menu item is listed with

    ingredients* “Pulled pork. Cheese curd. Gravy.”

    Customer: “And the Phillie cheesesteak poutine?”

    (She continued to go through all 20 menu items. Eventually the cashier just turned around and read off the board as blatantly as he could. Entire transaction time: 17 minutes.)

    French Disconnection

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

    Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

    Customer:John Dark.”

    (I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

    (At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

    Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

    Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

    (I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

    Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

    (I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

    Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

    Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

    Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

    (A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

    Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “BUT MY SON DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH!”

    Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

    | MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

    Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

    Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

    Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

    Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

    Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

    Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

    Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

    Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a hotel lounge where only exclusive hotel members have access. In the evening we serve appetizers. A man who is a vegetarian is staying and asks for vegetarian food everyday. The day I did have it, he didn’t take any so I saved him a bit for the next night.)

    Guest: “Do you have any vegetarian food tonight?”

    Me: “No, but I saved some pasta from last night for you.”

    Guest: “Beef?”

    Me: “No, no beef. It’s the one I told you about last night.”

    Guest: “The one with beef?”

    Me: “It doesn’t have beef. It’s the vegetarian pasta from last night.”

    Guest: “Oh yeah! From last night! It has… a little… little bit of beef?”

    Me: “No beef. It’s vegetarian.”

    Guest: “Not vegetarian?”

    Me: “It IS vegetarian.”

    Guest: “So, no meat?”

    Me: “…no meat, sir.”

    Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

    , | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

    Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

    Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

    Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

    Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

    (At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

    Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

    Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

    (My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

    (I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

    Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”


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