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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

    Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

    Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”

    If They Were Good At Math They Wouldn’t Gamble

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I work as a cashier for the only supermarket in town. A couple comes in and buys cigarettes, alcohol, sandwiches and lottery tickets.)

    Man: “I would like to cash this lottery ticket in.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I bring the ticket to the scanner, and it rings in as a $50.00 winner.)

    Me: “Would you like me to deduct the winnings from your purchase, or have the cash?”

    Woman: “Just deduct it from the purchase.”

    (I deduct the $50.00, and ring in the rest of the groceries. After the deduction, the order comes up to about $35.00, and they give me a $50.00 bill.)

    Me: “Here’s your change, $15.00. Thank you, have a great day!”

    Woman: “Hey! You didn’t give us all our change back! Where’s our $50.00?!”

    Me: “Your order came up to $35.00, in which I gave you $15.00 in change, because the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning.”

    Man: “But our order didn’t f****** come up to that much!”

    Me: “Well, you have $30.00 worth of scratch tickets, alcohol, groceries, sandwiches, and cigarettes. The whole order would’ve come up to about $85.00 altogether.”

    Man: “But where’s our f****** $50.00?!”

    Me: “Sir, if I had given you the $50.00 cash, and the whole order came up to $85.00, in which you would’ve given me two $50.00 dollar bills, and I would’ve given you $15.00 in change still.”

    Woman: “What the h*** are you talking about? We still didn’t buy that much! You must’ve overcharged us! I demand your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is not present at the moment. I will ring your purchase, and your receipt will show that I have not overcharged you.”

    (I print the receipt, and show them that the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning at their request, and the rest of the groceries were expensive still.)

    Man: “You know what? You don’t know how to do your simple f****** job! No wonder you’re just a cashier and not in college!”

    Me: “Sir, if you’d wish, you can leave your name and number with me, and I will give you a refund if we find my drawer is any money over tomorrow.)

    Woman: “Forget it, you stupid b****!”

    Man: “Just keep it, you greedy a**-hole!”

    (They both storm out with their groceries. I ask the next day and the drawer did not come up over. When they came in next, they were given a lecture on how they spoke to me.)

    Inferior Knowledge On Lake Superior

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a movie theatre in a museum which specializes in showing documentary features. We currently have one about the Great Lakes.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! What’s the next movie about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s mostly about the attempts to re-introduce sturgeon into the rivers surrounding the Great Lakes and—”

    Customer: “Well yeah, but which Great Lakes?”

    Me: “Um… all of them.”

    Customer: “No, WHICH GREAT LAKES? Like, the ones in Canada, or the ones in America?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure they’re the same lakes.”

    Customer: “No no no, there are the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America. They’re different.”

    Me: “Well, I think the border runs through most of them—”

    Customer: “Who would put a national border in the middle of lake? Honestly, you’d think they’d teach you something about the movies you play here.”

    Wasn’t Sold On What He Was Told

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] technical support. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to send a report to [company], but when I try I’m getting this message about my account being expired. Hang on; let me read it to you. ‘Your account is expired. Please contact the sales department to renew.’ Is this something you can help me with, or do I need to call sales?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Receipted And Defeated

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working the closing shift in the lumber yard, when a customer comes in just before closing with a receipt for a special order, and rushes up to one of my coworkers. It should be noted that we have two different kinds of receipts, one for orders that have been paid for but aren’t ready to be picked up, and one for orders that are ready to pick up.)

    Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, you’ve been spending a lot of time with that customer. Do you need help getting them what they need so we can finish closing?”

    Coworker: *shows me receipt for special order* “This is one that says they’ve paid for it, but can’t pick it up yet. I don’t know what’s happening; I’m trying to find this guy’s special order.”

    Me: “You can’t load it anyway; it hasn’t been invoiced out. Did you tell him he needs to head inside, and get a different receipt?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, he said he just came from there, and they just printed him this receipt. I’m calling inside the store to figure it out.”

    Me: *to the customer* “Sir, when did you place this order?”

    Customer: “Just now! That guy at checkout just printed that receipt. I don’t understand why you can’t load it!”

    Me: “Sir, you’ve just placed a special order. That’s because we don’t carry the product normally; it has to be shipped here from the manufacturer. We can’t load it because we don’t have it.”

    Customer: “Oh… that actually makes sense, sorry.”

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