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    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

    Should Take Stock Of Their Stupidity

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have this item in a smaller size?”

    Me: *checking computer* “Unfortunately we don’t, but [other location 15 minutes away] is showing several. Would you like us to bring one over for you within the next couple of days? Or, if you like, we can call and have them hold it if you want to go there.”

    Customer: “We were there two weeks ago and they didn’t have it. Your computer must be wrong.”

    Me: “I’ll of course call to confirm their totals, but since we get stock in all the time it is possible that they have received some between then and now.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, you ‘get stock all the time?’”

    Me: “Well, every once in a while we get shipments to replace anything we’ve sold out of, or to bring in new merchandise.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid.”

    Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

    | Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes I do.”

    Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “C-come again?”

    Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

    (I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

    Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

    Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

    Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

    Me: “That’s probably why.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

    Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

    (I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

    Size Matters On Sign Matters

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (It is my day off, but have to go into work to pick up some milk. On my way in, I notice several large signs on the doors informing customers that the debit/credit machines are down. As I stand in line, I hear customer and my coworker arguing.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You should really put up a sign if your machines are going to be down.”

    Coworker: “There are signs on all the doors.”

    Customer: “Well I didn’t see them; you people should make them bigger!”

    Coworker: “They’re on all the doors, and are quite lar—”

    Customer: “They should be BIGGER!”

    Coworker: “Well how big do you need them, ma’am?”

    Customer: “BIGGER!”

    (At this point the woman throws her things on the counter and storms out, flipping off my coworker in the process.)

    Coworker: “I think it’s break time.”

    Hopefully It’s Smooth Sailing From Here On

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work at a canoe centre. We occasionally get people complaining about things they don’t like; we have a feedback form for this. A couple walks in, looking angry.)

    Me: “Hi! Did you enjoy your day?”

    Customer #1: “No, it was horrible!”

    Me: “Oh, okay, well if you want to fill in the feedback form about why, that’d be helpful. Can I ask why?”

    Customer #2: “Well, we got wet of course!”

    Me: “But you went canoeing on a river?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, but you should have told us we could get wet!”

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