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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Needs To Return Up The River

    | IN, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to exchange this book for this other one, please.”

    Me: “I’m happy to help. Was there a problem with the book you’re returning?”

    Customer: “No. It just wasn’t the right one.”

    Me: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No. I bought it online.”

    Me: “Oh, I see. May I have your name, please?”

    (The customer tells me her name and I pull up our store’s order records on the computer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t see anything on our records under your name. Did you order the book on someone else’s account, perhaps?”

    Customer: “No. I definitely ordered it myself.”

    Me: “Hmm…”

    (I try everything I can think of to find a record of the transaction. After about five minutes of fruitless searching, the customer pipes up.)

    Customer: “Does it make a difference that I ordered it on Amazon?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry. What?”

    Customer: “I bought this on Amazon. I was kinda hoping you could just take this one that I got and give me this book off your shelves.”

    Me: “…No, ma’am. It doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Why not? I come in with a book, I leave with a book. You lose a book and gain a book. It all works out in the end.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have to actually buy a book from us to return it to us.”

    Customer: “Oh, really?”

    Cut This One Down To Size

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I work in a clothing store with the basic sizes, S, M, and L.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m wanting a plain top for my dad in ‘men’s.'”

    Me: “Certainly. What size were you looking for?”

    Customer: “Men’s.”

    Me: “Um, what size?”

    Customer: “Men’s!”

    Me: “Were you looking for a medium, by any chance?”

    Customer: “MEN’S! MEN’S! WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF!?”

    (I head out the back and grab a medium anyway.)

    Me: “We have a ‘M’ here for you.”

    Customer: “SEE! That wasn’t so hard was it!?”

    Needs To Go Back To Square One

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    Customer: “I’m looking for a square tablecloth. I need 52 by 52, but it doesn’t fit.”

    Me: “Hmm, well what’s the size of the table?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s 52 by 104.”

    Me: “So you’re looking for an oblong tablecloth?”

    Customer: “I could have sworn it was a square.”

    Sound Of The Penny Dropping

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Money

    (We get a lot of people call us up when they find old banknotes and coins. Mostly, they’re worthless.)

    Customer: “I’ve found a really old £1 note, and I want to know if it’s worth anything?”

    Colleague: “Is there a signature on the front?”

    Customer: “It’s ‘DHF Somerset.'”

    Colleague: “Ah, well, that note was produced in the early 1980s. It’s not worth anything.”

    Customer: “No, it’s much earlier than that! It has the dates ‘1642 to 1727′ on the back, and a picture of Isaac Newton. That’s very old!”

    Colleague: “Those are the dates he was alive. Besides, if it was produced back then, they couldn’t have put a picture of the current Queen on the front. Could they?”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Mind-Blowing Ignorance

    | WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am an ER nurse. During the late morning, a man comes in with his son, who has a concussion. The policy is that a concussion patient isn’t allowed to sleep at all. The nurses and staff make sure the boy stays awake and notice that he keeps nodding off a little too easily.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but why is your son so tired?”

    Father: “Oh, he got his concussion in the wee hours of the morning and I just knew that he couldn’t fall asleep. So he’s been awake since then.”

    Me: “Why didn’t you bring him in here right away?”

    Father: “I didn’t know if you’d be open that early.”

    Me: “This is the ER! We’re always open!”

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