Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,179 thumbs up)
  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    The Internot

    | Online | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a internet retailer so all of our sales come via a website. We don’t operate any physical store locations.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to place an order.”

    (I take the caller’s order, and get to the part where I need her personal information.)

    Me: “…and may I have your email address, please?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Well, that’s how your receipt and shipping information will be given to you.”

    Caller: “I don’t like giving it out. I don’t understand why you need it. Why can’t you just mail it to me?”

    Me: “The receipt and shipping information are emailed to you through our store’s sales system. It’s something that happens automatically. We will not sell it or abuse it in any way.”

    Caller: “Well, that’s stupid! What if I don’t have an email address? What do you do for your customers who don’t have a computer?”

    Me: “Being an internet retailer, we haven’t had much of a problem with that.”

    Doesn’t Look After His Property

    | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I take tech support calls for computer-aided design software. I get a call from a customer who is having issues remembering a certain command prompt for his software.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [Company Name]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m having trouble remembering one of my tool commands.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, do you know what the command does? Maybe I can help you figure out which command you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Yeah! I can click on a line or shape and it’ll give me the properties of that thing. What’s that command called? It’s like ‘help’ or ‘information’ or something like that.”

    Me: “The ‘properties’ command, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah! The one that gives me the properties of something! I want that. What’s it called?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s called ‘properties.’”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one that gives me the properties! It’s called ‘help,’ I think.”

    Me: “Sir, to find the properties of an item in your model, you will use the ‘properties’ command.”

    (I tell him how to start the command. Afterwards, there’s a long pause on the other end of the line, when suddenly the customer shouts.)

    Customer: “OH! It’s called ‘properties!’ Got it! Thanks, bye!”

    Screening Out The Stupids

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

    Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

    Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

    Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    (The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

    Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.’”

    Deference To The Difference

    , | Plano, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working drive thru.)

    Customer: “I want orange chicken and fried rice.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Would you like that as a one side/one entree bowl, or as a one side/two entree plate with double orange chicken?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The bowl is $6.05 and the plate is $7.13.”

    Customer: “No, not the price! What is the difference?”

    Me: “Well, one has a single side and a single entree and it comes in a bowl, and the other has a single side and two entrees and it comes on a plate.”

    Customer: “But, what’s the difference?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    , | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling the credit card department; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I wanted to see when will I receive my new credit card.”

    Me: “It will be my pleasure to assist you; can I have your social to see the application?”

    (The customer provides her social, and after checking I see there are no credit cards in process of being offered to her. Still, I check the social in our database to see if she already has an account with us and didn’t receive the card. The account is there for a $300 dollar card, all maxed out.)

    Me: “Ms. [Name], I do see that you already have an account with us. When did you apply for a second card?”

    Customer: “I didn’t apply, but I already used all the money from the first card! I was wondering when you would give me another!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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