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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Directionless Call, Part 3

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    Me: “Hi there, [Company Name], [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need some information about my GPS; can you transfer me?”

    Me: “Well what kind of information are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, can you help me? It’s a little embarrassing.”

    Me: “That’s okay; I’ll do my best.”

    Customer: “Okay, you know when you turn it on and it loads up and there’s a map?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s this little arrow that’s pointing, and I don’t know where it’s pointing to. It’s not pointing north; it’s just all over the place.”

    Me: “Is it pointing the direction you’re facing?”

    Customer: “What? No. I mean it’s just pointing. I’ve looked up tutorials online and everything. No one seems to have this issue.”

    Me: “Is it pointing off the edge of the screen? Have you entered a destination?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, does the arrow spin when you turn around?”

    Customer: “Yes! I don’t understand!”

    Me: “Well then, it’s telling you what direction you’re facing.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Let’s see. How can I explain this? If you were at a crossroad—”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m in my living room and it’s pointing due east!”

    Me: “Are you facing due east?”

    Customer: “Oh, why yes I am! Thank you so much! You have a nice day now.”

    Related:
    Directionless Call, Part 2
    Directionless Call

    This Just Took A Downward Slide

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A customer walks up to my register and tries sliding his card.)

    Me: “Oh, actually, your card won’t work until the very end of the transaction.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    Me: “Do you have a [store loyalty card] with us?”

    Customer: “Yes. Under my phone number.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “It’s [number].”

    (I type in the phone number.)

    Me: “Under [Name]?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, so then just hit ‘correct’ over there for me.”

    (I gesture to the screen. The customer slides his card again.)

    Me: “Oh no, first you’ll need to hit ‘correct’ for me.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer slides his card again.)

    Me: “No, hit correct first.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer slides his card AGAIN.)

    Me: “Hit the button.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The customer slides his card again. I give up and just hit the ‘total’ button.)

    Me: “Okay, you can slide your card now.”

    Customer: “I thought I slid it already.”

    Me: “You did, but I wasn’t ready for you yet.”

    Customer: “Oh, slide now?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The customer slides his card. The PIN number prompt comes up. The customer just sits there, staring at nothing in particular.)

    Me: “It’s asking you to put in your PIN number.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer types in his PIN, and then stares off into space again.)

    Me: “Now it’s asking you to approve the total.”

    (The customer hits the ‘no’ button.)

    Me: “Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well, you hit the ‘no’ button.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it was asking me if I wanted cash back.”

    Me: “No. We don’t offer cash back. It was asking you to approve the total. No worries, I can re-run it and it’ll just ask you to put in your PIN again.”

    Customer: “I have to put in my PIN AGAIN?”

    Me: “Yes, you do.”

    Customer: “Ugh. This is so FRUSTRATING!”

    Me: “Okay, so now just hit ‘yes.’”

    (The customer finally hits ‘yes,’ and we are able to go on our merry way!)

    Totally Trashed The Place

    , | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am busy cleaning the dining area. I have just removed a full trash bin from its holder, leaving the door to said holder wide open. This is to signal that there is no trash can there, so customers should try another one. As I start carrying the bin to the back, I hear the sound of a tray, disposable plates, and various sauces hitting the floor. I turn around to see a customer has tossed their trash into the empty space where the bin used to be, making a mess on the floor. The customer immediately looks at me like a kid that was caught stealing cookies.)

    Customer: “The nerve of some people, making such messes like this! Shame on whoever did this!”

    (The customer quickly leaves. Another customer who has seen the exchange starts laughing.)

    Other Customer: “Kinda makes you lose your faith in humanity, doesn’t it?”

    Me: *sighs* “Welcome to customer service, where everything is your fault and the reason doesn’t matter.”

    Requires An Ounce Of Common Sense

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (We offer burgers as 1/3 pound patties or 1/2 pound patties. There’s only a $1 difference between the prices.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 and 1/2 pound burger?”

    Me: “There are 16 ounces to a pound. So, 1/2 a pound is 8 ounces, 1/3 is just over five ounces.”

    Customer: “Umm…”

    Me: “The recommended portion of protein for a meal is 4 ounces. So, a 1/3 pound would be right around the recommended portion; 1/2 a pound would be twice that.”

    Customer: “Umm…”

    Me: “Are you just a little hungry, or very hungry?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, let’s go with the 1/2 pound burger. It’s only a dollar more. If you don’t eat it all, I can box it for you and you can take it home.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to take it home. So, what’s the difference again?”

    (I finally have to make completely inaccurate round shapes with my hands to convey the size.)

    Customer: “I want the little one.”

    (End of the meal comes…)

    Customer: “I’m still hungry. Did I order the little burger, or the big burger?”

    Me: “The 1/3 pound; the little one.”

    Customer: “Ugh, why didn’t you tell me to order the big one?”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a screen with special offers on the wall. Customer #1 is reading the board as offers flash by.)

    Customer #1: “Wait, Paris is in Europe?”

    Customer #2: “Really? Where did you think it was? Asia?”

    Customer #1: “I never really paid much attention in Geometry class.”

    (Customer #2 starts laughing as Customer #1 realizes what she just said.)

    Customer #1: “Yeah… didn’t pay much attention at all.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

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