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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 3

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging

    (I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Good evening, you have reached the front desk. How may I assist you?”

    Guest: “I’m lost.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; where are you right now?”

    Guest: “I don’t know; I told you I was lost!”

    Me: “Where are you calling from right now?”

    Guest: *annoyed* “My cell phone!”

    Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but I need to know where you are if you would like directions to the hotel. Is there a street sign near you?”

    Guest: “Yes.”

    (There is a very long pause.)

    Me: “Can you tell me what it says?”

    Guest: “No.”

    Me: “No?”

    Guest: “No. It’s dark; I can’t read it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would like me to give you directions I will need to know where you currently are. Can you please tell me the street name?”

    Guest: “Fine…”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2
    A Directionless Conversation

    This Customer Is Not From Concentrate

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have three flavours of slushy in our slushy machine: raspberry, cherry and orange. Raspberry is blue, cherry is pink and orange is obviously orange. Customers usually refer to the slushy they want by the colors.)

    Customer: “What flavour is the orange slushy?”

    Me: “Orange flavoured.”

    Customer: “I know what the color is, I want to know the FLAVOUR.”

    Me: “It’s orange flavoured, ma’am, just like the fruit.”

    (The customer suddenly starts screaming at me.)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THE FLAVOUR! I CAN SEE THE COLOR OF THE D*** THING! WHAT FLAVOUR IS IT?!”

    (The customer’s daughter chimes in.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mum! It’s like orange juice! Chill out!”

    Woman: “Orange juice? Jeez, why couldn’t she just tell me that?! Two of those, please!”

    (The customer is perfectly pleasant with me for the rest of the transaction, and wanders off with her slushy happily!)

    Quantifying Stupidity

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (We have several self-checkout machines at our store, which I am in charge of. For certain produce, the machine will ask for a quantity.)

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME, MISS!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “The machine isn’t working!”

    (I walk over and notice the machine is asking for a quantity. It says ‘enter the quantity’ both aloud and is also displayed on the screen.)

    Me: “Oh, it just wants to know the quantity.”

    (The customer stares at me blankly.)

    Me: “How many do you have?”

    Customer: “Ohhh!”

    Engage The Brain Before The Mouth

    | Boulder, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance

    (I am 20 years old. I work in a store that sells t-shirts and novelty items to tourists. Much of my job involves folding shirts. A customer comes up and rummages through my pile of freshly folded, random shirts, unfolding five or six of them and dropping them on the floor.)

    Customer: “None of these shirts are the same, or in my size!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; these are shirts from the children’s section that I’m refolding. If you saw any you like, we have many of the same ones in adult—”

    (The customer interrupts me as she spots my engagement ring.)

    Customer: “What is that on your finger? You are too young to be married!”

    Me: “It’s an engagement ring; my boyfriend of two years just proposed to me, but we don’t plan on getting married until after we finish college.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how you teens just throw marriage around like it’s nothing! You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job! You should be ashamed!”

    (The customer knocks down the rest of my shirt pile and storms out. A coworker has witnessed the entire exchange.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think she thought about what she just said at all.”

    Less Scam Artists, More Scam Finger-Painters

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small specialty retail shop. It is the beginning of the day, so we only have $70 in each of the two cash registers, mostly change with a handful of $5 and $1 bills. Two customers come in and browse around, getting only a few small items each. They are the first customers of the day on my register. The first one gives me a $20 bill for a $4.79 purchase. I put the bill on top of the drawer, and count the change back to her.)

    Customer: “You’re giving me the wrong change. I gave you a $50 bill.”

    (I haven’t closed the register, and am just putting the $20 in its slot, so I show the customer the bill.)

    Me: “No, you gave me a $20 bill, right here.”

    Customer: “No, I know I gave you a $50 bill.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it was a $20 bill. You’re my first customer, and this is the only $20 bill, and there are no $50 bills at all.”

    Customer: “You must have put it into the safe slot.”

    Me: “We don’t have one of those. Here, have a look.”

    (I pull the drawer out, and show the customer the contents and the space underneath it.)

    Me: “There’s no $50 bill anywhere. And no other bills over $5.”

    (The customer’s friend decides to intervene.)

    Customer’s Friend: “Don’t worry; it’s okay.”

    (They exchange looks, and the first customer rolls her eyes.)

    Customer: “Okay then, well, no point in making a scene about it.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I check out the friend’s small purchase, who gives me a $50 bill. I give her the change and they both turn to leave. On the way out, the friend whispers to the first customer…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You were supposed to let me check out first!”

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