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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    The Key To All Their Problems

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A customer drops his car off to do a trade-in, and will be meeting me later to finalize the paperwork. I go to his car to check the mileage, and find that it’s locked. I go back inside to get the keys.)

    Me: “The guy’s car is locked. Did he happen to leave his keys with any of you?”

    Coworker: “No, why don’t you try calling him?”

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, sir, we have your car here. I was trying to get in and it’s locked. Where did you put your keys?”

    Customer: *optimistically* “Oh! They’re in the car.”

    This One Definitely Needs Decaf

    | Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer at a popular coffee chain. I overhear the following exchange between the cashier, who has been there for years, and a customer.)

    Cashier: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a decaf latte, with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Okay… so a regular latte?”

    Customer: *impatiently* “No, a decaf latte with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Sir, ‘decaf’ means ‘less caffeine.’ If you want caffeine, you want a regular latte.”

    Customer: “S***, was I saying caffeine? I meant with caramel. I’m an idiot.” *loudly to the rest of the line* “Don’t be an idiot like me, people!”

    The Yeast Of Your Worries

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a pet store/grooming salon establishment. One of the grooming dogs comes in with a suspected yeast infection. We inform the customer of the possibility, and they say they will take care of it. A week later, I’m opening the store and the customer comes back in.)

    Customer: “I demand to speak to the groomer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now. She doesn’t have any groom appointments for today. Was there anything I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you can explain to me why the h*** your groomer said my dog had a yeast infection, when nothing I’ve been doing to treat it has been working! I demand reimbursement for the cost of the treatment!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, but I’m afraid we can’t reimburse you for veterinary treatment you’ve sought because of a medical condition that existed in your dog prior to the grooming appointment.”

    Customer: “Veterinary treatment? I didn’t go to the vet!”

    Me: “You haven’t? What treatment have you been using that needs reimbursing?”

    Customer: “I’ve bought $40 worth of bread in the past week!”

    Me: “…bread?”

    Customer: “Yeah! The groomer said it was a f****** yeast infection, so I’ve been giving him lots of bread to fix it!”

    Me: “I’m… not sure I follow ma’am.”

    Customer: “What, am I not giving him enough bread? Does he need bread with more yeast in it?”

    Me: “Oh… OH! Uhm, having a yeast infection doesn’t mean he needs to eat things with yeast IN it.”

    Customer: “So… he doesn’t need bread?”

    Me: “…no.”

    (I instruct the customer to add pro-biotic yogurt to her dog’s food and take him to the vet as soon as she could. The customer leaves rather embarrassed. We get a call later on that her dog recovers soon after that, and now she’s a regular customer for yogurt dental bones!)

    Intelligence Unplugged

    | Pocatello, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer’s cable box has an error and needs to be reset to correct it.)

    Me: “Okay we need to reset your box. We can do that by unplugging it for 15 seconds and plugging it back in.”

    Customer: “It’s not plugged in.”

    Me: “It’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “No it’s never been plugged in.”

    Me: “So it’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “The power light is on right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And we have that error message on the screen correct?”

    Customer: “Correct.”

    Me: “But it’s not plugged in?”

    Customer: “Right, it’s never been plugged in.”

    Me: “…let’s check just to make sure.”

    Customer: “Alright, but you’re wasting my time. This has never been plugged in since you guys hooked it up a few years ago.”

    Me: “I understand. Just humor me.”

    Customer: “Oh… it is plugged in. What did you want me to do?”

    Me: “Unplug it for 15 seconds, and plug it back in.”

    (After that it works just fine!)

    A Whole New World

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’m spending the summer with my grandmother in a small southern town, but I’m from Connecticut.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m [name]. I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

    Customer: *in a thick southern drawl* “What an unusual accent! Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from New England.”

    Customer: “How lovely! I’ve always wanted to go to Europe!”

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