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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Foretelling Will Be The Death Of You

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (I am managing a small bookstore, and a coworker who is usually very good at guessing what book someone wants based on minimal description comes up for help.)

    Coworker: “There’s a guy on the phone, and I can’t tell what he wants. He says he’s looking for something called The Death of a Toad.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar.”

    Coworker: “He’s getting annoyed with me because I don’t recognize the title. Can you handle it?”

    (I grab the phone. The customer sounds like a teenage guy, and he’s irritated.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I hope so, that other girl was useless. I need Death of a Toad; how hard is that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry she couldn’t help you. I see she’s looked it up in the computer, and we don’t have any records of it in our system. Is it a new book?”

    Customer: “No, it’s a classic or something. I need to read it for school.”

    Me: “Okay. So it’s regular adult fiction, and it’s called Death of a Toad?”

    Customer: “Yeah, why is this so hard to understand?”

    (I do a more general search on the computer system, looking for any book with “toad” in the title, and don’t get any relevant results.)

    Me: “Is it spelled toad, like the animal? And death, like dying? I want to make sure I’m looking up the right search terms.”

    Customer: “Duh, yes! Death, like death, and toad, like frog. Wait… it’s not Death of a Toad; it’s Death of Four Toads.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar either. Do you have all or part of the author’s name?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, some guy. Look, how hard is this? It’s Death of Four Toads by some Mexican guy or whatever, and it’s a classic! Are you completely stupid? Death. Of. Four. Toads.

    (As he says this, a light bulb finally goes off in my head.)

    Me: “…are you maybe looking for Chronicle of a Death Foretold?”

    Customer: “Yes! Fine! It’s CHRONICLE of the Death of Four Toads! Do. You. Have. It?”

    Me: “Actually, I sold my last copy over the weekend. Have a nice day!”

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to buy an iron.”

    Me: “Okay, our irons are right here. Is there something specific that you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing too fancy; it’s a gift. This one looks good, but I’d like you to open it to make sure that everything is inside.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I open the box, show the customer the iron and manual, put everything back, and close the box back up. It looks the same as it did before I opened the box.)

    Customer: “Oh, great, thanks.”

    (The customer puts the iron back on the shelf. It’s the only one of its kind on the shelf, but on the very top shelf is another one. The customer points to the unopened box on the top shelf.)

    Customer: “Can you hand me that one right there?”

    Me: “Okay, would you like me to open that box, as well?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to give my niece an open box for her wedding!”

    Me: “Pardon me, but if I opened that box to make sure that the iron and manual were inside, wouldn’t it make sense to open that other box, as well?”

    (The customer looks blank.)

    Me: “I mean, how do you know that the iron and manual are going to be in that box up there?”

    Customer: “Because I opened a box.”

    Me: “But not that one up top.”

    Customer: “I. Opened. A. Box.”

    Me: *giving up* “Here, let me get you that iron…”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a $500 money order.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s $501.20.”

    Customer: *hands over $7 cash*

    Me: “You’re still $494.20 short.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “We need $500, plus $1.20 for processing the money order.”

    Customer: “This isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Sorry, a $500 money order costs $500.”

    Customer: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Making You Feel Washed Out

    | Maple Ridge, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has purchased a car wash.)

    Customer: “I’ve never done this here before. What do I do now?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s very simple. Just pull around to the entrance over there, and punch this code here into the keypad there. Then the red light will go green. Just drive in slowly until it turns red. It’ll wash your car, and when it goes green again you can go. Make sure you’ve rolled all the windows up before you go in.”

    Customer: “Wait, I go in on the… red?

    Me: “No, it’s just like a traffic light. Stop on the red, go on the green.”

    Customer: “So, I go in when it goes…?”

    Me: “When it turns green, yes. Just like a traffic light. Red means stop, green means go.”

    Customer: “What do I do when it’s red?”

    Me: “You stop. The brushes move around you, and when it’s done, the light will go green again, and you can go.”

    Customer: “So I stop on the red, and go on the green? No, wait, that’s not right…”

    Me: “No, that’s right. It’s JUST like a traffic light. When it turns green you drive in; when it turns red you stop.”

    Customer: “So, I… go in when it’s green?”

    Me: “Yup! Green means go. They both start with G’s, so it’s easy to remember.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! So green means go. Okay! But then red means…?”

    Me: “Red means stop. Just like a traffic light.”

    (The customer goes, clutching her code and repeating ‘Green means go, red means stop’ under her breath. Sure enough, she runs into trouble, and we have to go out and help her. The worst part is that SHE DROVE HERE.)

    A Drink Of Fire And Ice

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like your drink hot or iced today, sir?”

    Customer: “Hmm?”

    Me: “You have the option of having your drink hot or over ice.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you want your drink iced or hot?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

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